Friday, January 19, 2007

New Blog Rules

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, some new blog rules are now in effect:

Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES." You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

As applied to women:
1. Out - "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. Out - "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
3. Out - "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
4. Out - "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
5. Out - "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
6. Out - " AIR HEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."
7. Out - "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED"
8. Out - "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
9. Out - "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
10. Out - "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
11. Out - "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
12. Out - "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

As applied to men:
1. Out - "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. Out - "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3. Out - "GETS LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
4. Out - "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. Out - "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL & DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."
6. Out - "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."
7. Out - "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
8. Out - "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."
9. Out - "AFRAID OF COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
10. Out - "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."
11. Out - "CRACK" you see emerging from his pants - It's "POSTERIOR CLEAVAGE "

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