Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Murphy's Nightmare

In the nightmare, Murphy found himself nude in bed, and he was looking at a mirror on the ceiling, and he discovered that he was a Negro, and he's circumcised!

Quickly he sat up, found his pants and looked in the pockets to find his driver's license photo and it was that same color. Black.

Murphy felt very depressed, downcast, sitting in a chair.

But it's a wheelchair!!

That means, of course, besides being black and Jewish, he's also disabled!!!

He said to himself, aloud "This is impossible. It's impossible that I should be black and Jewish and disabled."

"It's the pure and holy truth," whispers someone from behind me.

Murphy turns around, and it's his boyfriend.

Just what he needed!!!

He is a homosexual, and on top of that with a Mexican boyfriend.

Oh, my God..... black, Jewish, disabled, gay, with a Mexican boyfriend, drug addict, and HIV-positive!!!

Desperate, he begins to shout, cry, pull his hair, and Oh, noooooo...he's bald!!!

The telephone rings.

It's his brother.

He is saying, "Since mom and dad died the only thing you do is hang out , take drugs, and laze around all day doing nothing. Get a job you worthless piece of crap... Any job." Mom?.. Dad?... Nooooooooo... Now he's also an unemployed orphan!

He tries to explain to his brother how hard it is to find a job when you are black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend, are a drug addict, HIV positive, bald, and an orphan.

But he doesn't get it.

Frustrated, he hangs up.

It's then Murphy realizes he only has one hand!!!

With tears in his eyes he goes to the window to look out.

He sees he lives in a shanty-town full of cardboard and tin houses! There is trash everywhere.

Suddenly he feels a sharp pain near his pacemaker.... Pacemaker?

Besides being black, Jewish, disabled, a fairy with a Mexican boyfriend, a drug addict, HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, an invalid with one hand, and having a bad heart, he lives in a crappy neighborhood.

At that very moment his boyfriend approaches and says to him, "Sweetie pie, my love, my little black heartthrob, have you decided who are you going to vote for in the Primary? Hillary or Obama???"

Say it isn't so!!! Murphy can handle being a black, disabled, one armed, drug addicted, Jewish queer on a pacemaker who is HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, lives in a slum, and has a Mexican boyfriend, but please, oh dear God, please don't tell him he's a Democrat...


Spin Evans said...

Puttzle, this is your finest hour. I bow before greatness and am humbled. Murphy, you are phuc'd!!!

Anonymous said...

Shux, had it not been for bad luck, Murph wouldn't have any luck at all.

Anonymous said...

PUTTZLE, you are truly a wordsmith. Thanks for not letting San-O Daze slip any deeper in the quicksand.


pink haired murphy said...

At least he didn't wake up as Henry Ford. Then again, he might like that!

Sydney Carton, Esq. said...

At last, a joke worthy of our company newsletter! Since I'm the editor, I see no need to run it by legal or H.R.

murphy said...

Having a field day heh boys? Well just remember, "Paybacks Are A BITCH"! (got the lap-top again tooday)

just shocked said...

Pretzel, as an unemployed surfbum living off unemployment, I thought for sure you'd be a Democrat, and with Murph's love of the largest government agency, the military,and living off of a pension and Social Security I assumed he would be too. Are you sure you got the right party???

Whatever the case, a funny post!!!

Anonymous said...

That's not bad. How old is Murph to enjoy all his windfalls. I hope he doesn't still go the the beach runnaging throuh trah dumpsters lookimg for aluminum. He doesn't does he?

pretzel said...

I'm scered.

Anonymous said...

Scared of being a Democrat or of Murph?

Spin Evans said...

Murphy is one of the finest gentlemen I have ever met. He is my mentor and I have always looked up to him. I personally will be on hand when he is inducted into the Hermosa Beach Surfing Walk of Fame. A true legend to me, I stand in the shadow of this great man.

Murphy said...

You html-own me.

Murphy Numero Uno:
Easy, he's picking on me, I think. ;) Or maybe both of us! No, probably just me. No, wait, maybe he's . . .

You are right! This is funnier than, well, you know . . . and I know you do!

Minutus cantorum, minutus balorum, minutus carborata descendum pantorum.

Moon Phase