Puttzle showed up at the beach with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down on the log next to Murphy. The confused Murphy kept staring at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from him, he said, "It's golf balls."
Nevertheless, Murphy continued to stare at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.
After several minutes, not being able to contain his curiosity any longer, he asked,
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying i t as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.' THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
Mr.Steak I agree with your choices of the "Hall of Shame" but don't you think we should include some Mexican surfers,since afterall, they are such an integral part of our community? Geraldo Lopez and Rob Machado don't count. Did Henry Alfaro Surf? Elroy knows his stuff,from the Boyle Heights Pachucos To the Los Angeles Seals.
What would happen if you gave a party and nobody showed.
ReplyDeletePuttzle showed up at the beach with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down on the log next to Murphy. The confused Murphy kept staring at him and his bulging pockets.
ReplyDeleteFinally, after many such glances from him, he said, "It's golf balls."
Nevertheless, Murphy continued to stare at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.
After several minutes, not being able to contain his curiosity any longer, he asked,
"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT
ReplyDeleteThe following is an actual question given on a University of
Washington chemistry mid term.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the
professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which
is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying i t
as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or
endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using
Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is
compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in
time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving
into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think
that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it
will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how
many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member
of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more
than one of these religions and since people do not belong
to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go
to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can
expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the
volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for
the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the
volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are
added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at
which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in
Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase
of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will
drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my
Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I
sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept
with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus
I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen
over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has
frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more
souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven,
thereby proving the existence of a divine being which
explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
Mr.Steak I agree with your choices of the "Hall of Shame" but don't you think we should include some Mexican surfers,since afterall, they are such an integral part of our community? Geraldo Lopez and Rob Machado don't count. Did Henry Alfaro Surf? Elroy knows his stuff,from the Boyle Heights Pachucos To the Los Angeles Seals.
ReplyDelete