Wednesday, October 05, 2011

A Two-'fer

26 comments:

Extreme Hypertension said...

BK walks into a bar, sits down and demands a drink. "Get out" says the bartender. "I don't serve drunks here". BK staggers out the front door, only to come back in through the side door. He sits at the bar, bangs his fist and demands a drink. "I just told you to get out, didn't I? Now LEAVE!". BK gets off his stool, stumbles out the side door and, comes back inside through the back door. Once again, he sits at the bar and loudly asks for a drink. The bartender, now glowing mad, looks at BK and yells "I TOLD YOU, NO DRUNKS ALLOWED, NOW GET OUT!!!". BK looks up at the bartender and slurs "How many bars do you work at, anyway?".

Steve Allen said...

BL is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day he comes
across a beautiful classic Harley with a for sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about it with the owner.

"This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.


"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my tube of
Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he hands BK a big tube of Vaseline.

That night, BK decides to ride the bike over to his girlfriend's parents' house. It's the first time he's going to meet them and figures it will make a big impression. When the couple gets to the house, the girlfriend grabs BK's arm.


"BK," she says, "I gotta tell you something about my parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."


"No problem," BK says. And in they go. BK is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the family room, another huge stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.


As dinner progresses, BK decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides to reach over
and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but still they keep quiet.


So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and
screws her right on the dinner table. Still, no one says a word.


"Her Mom's kinda cute", BK thinks. So he grabs his girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her right there on the dinner table. Again, total silence.


Then, a few raindrops hit the window and BK realizes it's starting to rain. He figures he'd better take care of the motorcycle, so he pulls the Vaseline from his pocket.


Suddenly the father stands up and shouts: "All right, all right! I'll do the fuckin' dishes."

Bad Taste said...

I applied for a position at Apple today only to be told there are no Jobs left...

Steve Wozniak said...

Bad Taste, that is inappropriate! I'm really sad about Steve Jobs death but least it's only like a month till SteveJobs2GS comes out.

The Snout said...

Someone please tell Jen turn to face the wave. The last thing this world neds is
another goofy footer.

OBK said...

At 0:14 into it there is something weird hanging from between her legs. I cannot identify it.

Dick said...

OBK, just imagine what it is then go from there. Jen is hotter than a whore's ass. She is delinatly not from San Onofre.

BK Jr. said...

Puttzle, I is horney as a 3 peckered billy-goat and you throw that Jen at us. Why do you do that?
Never mind, it's better tha watching them insane BK bad taste jokes.

Jenn said...

BK phoned the police to report that thieves had been in his van.
"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line.
"Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back by mistake."

Type 5 said...

Jen, that isn't funny at all. hs a major drinking problem. No money.

M.A.D.D. said...

BK got paid $3500 cash for that 15 foot board he made for OB. 3 days later he was flat broke. Drank it all.

Dr.Janes said...

M.A.D.D., a fool and his money are soon parted. All BK's money goes to alchohol and high blood pressure pills. There's no stopping him. I think he's headed for a massive stroke.

Dutch McGrath said...

Hey Puttzle, bro, does Jen have a friend?

Mr. Wonderful said...

The reason people wear leashes is the have no confidence in their surfing capibilities. I have bever worn niether a wetsuit nor a sissy leash. But, I do have personality. Do you?

Mort's Talent Agency said...

Hi everybody, I run a major Hollywood casting agency. We are interested in man aging Jen's affairs. Our fee is the usual 10%.
Our next production is set to film Oct.23 if Jen is intersted. You have our number,

Cenetary Chapel said...

An Internal Medicine Doctor visited
San Onofre today to observe BK, and Doctor couldn't believe it. By 12:00 noon today BK's BP was 280/110. Duc couldn't believe his eyes.He told BK in order to prevent a major stroke that would paralyze BK's left side he'll have to adjust his lifestyle before it's too late. In short, the Doc said BIGKOOK is a walking time bomb.

Gravediggers Local 329 said...

'Cemetary Chapel', what that walking time bomb means, BK will be dead before he hits the ground. Not good news at all.

Dr..Death said...

It appears BK has a massive megaladon brain tumer.

The Pit Boss of Malibu said...

I don't get it. I mean it. Oh, I read it, but I just don't get it.

Prophet Eliziah said...

'Pit Boss', don't believe anything you read, and only half of what you actually see.

Capt. Ahab said...

There's some huge waves pouring into San Onofre and Trestles. It is a pure south swell.

Anonymous said...

I can not go to San Onofre Beach to look a the 'usuals' do their dog and pony show. No, I'm headed for El Camino to see the 'Banner'
peep.

Greg Eaton said...

What ever happened to the 'Infamous Postcard' that Dora sent to Steak? 'Remember the U.S.C. blanket'? It was poststamped Biarritz, France. The year was 1974.

Marco Polo said...

Dear.Mr.Eaton, the postcards and letters were sent to the Smithonian Institute at Washington D.C. for safe keeping.

Nurse Quigley LVN said...

Something horrible happened at San Onofre State Surf Beach at noon today. Three men, Sal Geeze, BIGKOOK, and a unidentified onlooker suffered massive strokes in front of Bldg. #4. They were transported by the emergency squad to Submission Hospital for
observation.

EYEBALL said...

GREAT TIT"S

Moon Phase