Now Here's A Hard Luck Story...MAN HAS ERECTION FOR A YEAR!

Editors note....not to be confused with Sheriff Bob or Occifer K.

Officer Bob (OB) took an erectile dysfunction pill and made medical history by having a rock hard erection for 365 days, even though doctors warned it could permanently damage his penis. "Who cares? At least I'll go out happy," says OB, a 60-year-old surfer and highway patrolman who frequents San Onofre. "I had a bulge in my pants the size of a zucchini. I shtupped my kid's second grade teacher, the cleaning lady, salesgirls, my mother-in-law. They all got a taste of Herbie the Love Bug." The surfer/cop explains that he was suffering from work-related stress, which kept him from performing in the bedroom. "My wife said: 'That's alright, it happens to everybody.' But it never happened to me before. "I tried imagining Jessica Simpson naked, I tried shacking up with a sleazy ho who talked dirty and spanked me -- nothing helped." OB visited the local office of Dr. Ralph Oppenheimer, a proctologist who wrote his patient a prescription. "I warned him if he was aroused for more than four hours to seek medical attention immediately," says Ralph " OB says: "I ignored that wussy advice. At every appointment I'd nail his nurse and receptionist. It was the best year of my life."