THE LATEST FORM OF PADDLE ASSISTED CRAFT TO SWEEP SAN ONOFRE!

First came the butt-boarders. Then the kayaks. Recently the stand-up guys or "sweepers". And now this!

WATCH THE GUY ON THE RIGHT!

Some people actually do this!

Police called to a San Clemente man's house discovered the mummified remains of the resident, dead for more than a year, sitting in front of a blaring television set.

The 59-year-old San Clemente, resident, identified as Dr. Ralph, appeared to have died of natural causes. Police said Saturday his body was discovered Tuesday when they were called to the house over a burst water pipe.

"You could see his face. He still had hair on his head,"San Clemente Sun Post quoted morgue assistant Wednesday Addams as saying. The home's low humidity had preserved the body.

Officials could not explain why the electricity had not been turned off, considering Dr. Ralph had not been heard from since December 2005.

Neighbors said when they had not seen Dr. Ralph, who was diabetic and had been blind for years, they assumed he was in the hospital or a long-term care facility.

The Sand Bar Was Really Going Off This Morning!

EJ OSHIER: The end of an era. R.I.P.

Top picture: Playing the uke with Peanuts Larson, late '30s.
Bottom picture: San Onofre 2005.

This is a Surfing blog about surfing! See for yourself!

Dr. Ralph boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out,"Business trip or pleasure?" She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston." He swallowed hard. Here was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality. "Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?" "Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait." "Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best." "I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck." Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don'teven know your name."

"Tonto," Dr. Ralph said. "Tonto Goldstein. But myfriends call me Bubba."

San-O Daze criticized for drunk boating scene

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San Clemente (Reuters) - A blog was formally reprimanded on Wednesday for a video link which showed a man repeatedly swearing and drinking beer while driving a motorboat and then telling children they should behave like him.
The Council on American Decency was particularly unhappy that San-O Daze had posted the video link at 10 o'clock on a Saturday morning, when children were most likely to be web browsing.
The offending segment from an action sports show called "BigAssDrunk" showed a man called Rick driving a boat which contained a cooler filled with beer.
Rick was then seen drinking from a beer can while at the wheel. Later on he addressed "boys and girls" and told them in expletive-filled comments that if they were as smart as he was, they could live the same way as he did.
"The (council) considers that his outlandish and illegal antics driving a boat while drinking are utterly inappropriate for a non-adult audience," the council ruled.
"He was seen grinning and smirking each time he took a sip of his alcoholic beverage. Moreover, there was no component of the program that served to point out that Rick's behavior was illegal and dangerous," it said.
San-O Daze -- which now has apologized on line twice -- admitted it had made a mistake by posting the video link without checking it first. Rick’s behavior had been "crude and inexcusable," it added.

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were 3 finalists, Murphy, Dr. Ralph, and Sydney Carton esq. For the final test, the FBI agents took Murphy to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!" Murphy said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home." Dr. Ralph was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. Then he came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was Sydney's turn. He was given the same instructions, to kill his wife. He took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood Sydeny. He wiped the sweat from his brow. "This gun was loaded with blanks" he said. "I had to beat her to death with the chair."

Bank Of America? (or Bank of Mexico)

Is everyone aware that Bank of America is catering to illegals? They are issuing them credit cards and giving them bank accounts! GEE! Do you think that the illegals are paying income tax on the money in their accounts? I don't think so. And the money is being sent back to mexico and with all they can charge on their credit cards and then skip without paying for what they charge and stick the AMERICAN tax payer with their debt. Just think, free medical, welfare, they don't need drivers licences or auto insurance and they have more rights than we do! WHATS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE? This American institution is "aiding and abetting" criminals. If you know anyone with an account at B of A, tell them whats going on and ask them to cancel their accounts and move their money to another savings institution. This is another slap- in-the-face to all U.S. citizens!

WATCH OUT FOR HIGH TIDE!

Tourists driving on the beach at San Onofre.

SAD BUT TRUE STORY

Once again they failed to deliver my Orange County Register. Once again I am forced to call them. First I must got through voice mail hell to get the subscription department. (Everything is automated on the other end...No humans) After numerous prompts I am now there. Wait! One problem. That is only if I did not recieve today's paper. I got todays paper. I did not recieve my weekend papers which they normally deliver on Monday. Hmm? No prompt for that. Back to the main menu. Lastly they say "press 0 for an operator". On hold for 10 minutes. A computerized voice tells me to "press one for english..... dos pora espaniol". Dos pora espaniol??????? Is this not an english language paper in the United States? So when Jose does not get his paper that is entirely in english, he can only converse with the subscription department in spanish???? Maybe they print special editions for the illegal community?

Finally a nasally woman answers and upon doing some research informs me that I have moved. I inform her that I have not moved. I give her my phone # and account # and tell her that I did get today's paper. Again she tells me that there is a change of address. I tell her that I have been at this address for 12 years and am not even thinking of moving. She says she cannot help me as the computer says I have changed my address. I hang up frustrated. Perhaps if I call back I will get a competant operator. (Repeat all of above except dial 0 sooner) New operator is friendly but still says I have moved. Luckily she believes me about still being at my current address and changes everything back in the computer.

8:45 AM. Still no papers but I am optimistic.

One afternoon Sydney Carton, Esq. was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass." "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," Sydney said. "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree." "Bring them along," Sydeny replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also." The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!" "Bring them all, as well," Sydney answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to Sydney and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." Sydeny replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high!"

THE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN OF SAN ONOFRE

MAYOR BUSTS ILLEGAL ALIEN AT SANO!

This morning the Mayor busted an illegal alien at San Onofre. The Mayor and Osifer K were watching the waves when this Mexican with his pastic bag lunch came walking up the beach from the south, he then crossed in front of the two and walked past the Mayors camper and crossed the road and went up the hill-side and crawled into the bushes to hide and sleep. The Mayor called Ranger P and she in turn called the Border Patrol who came down to look. As the Mayor was talking to Ranger P and the Border patrol the Mexican stood up in the bushes and was called down by Ranger P and the the Border patrolman who began to search him before cuffing him and taking him away! Chalk one up for the good guys! Oh! and by-the-way we have a new fire-ring at the Point!!!!

AUTHENTIC MEXICAN FOOD

MALIBU LOCAL

Where's Tubesteak and Dora?