MURPHY USES NEW DIAGNOSTIC COMPUTER

One day at San Onofre , Murphy says to Puttzle , "My elbow hurts terribly. I guess I better see a doctor.""Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Puttzle replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the Talega drugstore. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars... a heck of a lot cheaper than a doctor."So Murphy collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore.He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample.He pours the sample into a funnel and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:You have golfer's elbow . Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Murphy began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, scraped some oil off the driveway and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Murphy hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. Your Lexus needs rings.
6. And If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.