Sparky cruising the sand bar at San Onofre this morning.

Here is one that got away and still swims at San Onofre.

BREAKING NEWS!!

Here is a photo of the "dirty little secret" that the State parks don't want you to know. This undercover shot was taken at the maintenance yard on the access road. What you see are some of the thousands of man-eaters the state has been secretly fishing out of Old mans every night. They fear that if the public ever caught wind of this, all hell would break loose and revenues would drop. More to follow.....

I had my brand new disposable water proof camera to take some surf shots when this swam under my board. It was as long as my 10-6!!

Ever wonder where the Red Tide comes from?

From The Mayors Office

Its good to hear from Unt Puttzle. The surf sucked today with it being 2to3 this morning with the South wind blowing right off the bat. I was set to try my foot today but the wind bummed me out. Friday I hope I can get my foot wet, its only been 3 months since I've been wet. I wish Puttz was here to go in with me. There was a dead Sealion on the beach this morning, looks like Sparky and fluffy are back. More later--------maybe

Massive Beach Grave discovered at the Point at San Onofre. Dr. Ralph, Dingo and the Mayor are seen looking at the Ball of bones which they believe are students from the Pascobits surf school.

Boxer Mike Tyson says he wants to fight this mouse, but his manager says he may bite off more than he can chew!

Four legged chickens are now being raised for El Polo Loco.

Ground Squirrels at SanO prefer Bud over the other brand of beer.

Giant JellyFish washes ashore at surf beach.

Crane fishing for Sperm Whales has become very popular with Talegalites.

STINGRAY INJURIES AT SAN ONOFRE

Mon Jul 4, 1:06 PM ET
Lifeguards along the North County coast are warning beachgoers Monday to be on the lookout for stingrays after 347 people got whipped by the barb-tailed creatures at San Onofre Surf beach. Ranger Hal Dairywimple said a weak swell and small waves made it easy for the rays to get into the surfline, and the number of people stung Sunday was many times the number of encounters on a normal summer day. He said the bottom was carpeted with the things. "It's almost impossible not to step on at least one"! "They love the red tide" said Dr Ralph of the Dana Point Stingray institute. Lifeguards recommend pouring cool water and urine over the wound to ease the pain and seeking medical help if the barb becomes lodged in the flesh.

TWO HEADED SNAKE FOUND AT SAN ONOFRE

Scientists say both heads are working well This two-headed snake is being studied by scientists at the San Onofre Nuclear Power plant. The biological curiosity has four eyes and two tongues. It also has two sets of fangs and is very poisonous. Zoologists from the State Parks say the rare reptile can eat using both heads at the same time. They hope to discover if it has two separate digestive tracts and whether one head is dominant over the other. The baby snake was found by a painter named Moe at the nuclear plant It is believed to be a few months old and is lucky to have survived in the wild. Eating is a slow process and the two heads have been known to fight each other for food. Other double-headed snakes have been found at Trestles, Trails, and Surf beach.

TALEGA BEACH CRUISER BEGINS SHUTTLE TO SAN ONOFRE

July 5, Talega of San Clemente officially launched the Talega Beach Cruiser. The 23-seat bus transports Talega residents to San Onofre. The Talega Beach Cruiser operates Wednesdays through Sundays through Sept. 5. The Beach Cruiser is just one example of our dedication to serving Talega residents, said Stu, general manager of Talega Associates LLC. Along with enjoying our other premier amenities, residents can now take a trip to San Onofre Surf Beach without the worry of finding a parking space. No other community in south Orange County offers a service like this for its residents. The Beach Cruiser air-conditioned with plush seating is a good way for residents to take advantage of summer fun at San-O. It complements all the other amenities at Talega, including the Talega Surf & Sport and the golf course. The first pick-up for the Beach Cruiser is at 10 a.m. at the Talega Surf & Sport. It runs every hour and finishes at 4 p.m. Residents will have special beach passes with photos, and children under 14 must be accompanied by an adult. Friends and relatives can obtain guest passes. The Talega Beach Cruiser is run and operated by the Talega Surf & Sport., a for-profit organization that acts as a built-in social director. The resource helps bring neighbors together and provides a forum for community fun. . The Talega Beach Cruiser has a full-size storage compartment in the rear for the transport of residents beach gear, such as surfboards, coolers, chairs and bikes.

Breakfast is served for this couple at DogPatch

Ranger M. tries out the new speed trap at San Onofre.

Puttzle has had it with online dating services, so he takes it to the street.

The Mayor and Dingo practice their putting on the mayors new car while waiting for the gate to open at San Onofre.

Puttzle finally gets a car to go surfing.

After spending their life savings to move to Talega, the Smythe's had to settle for a smaller tree this Christmas.

New drivers education class at Talega High School.

And we all thought Puttzle got rid of the Van. He just covered it with cameras.

The new John Deere Bikemower is seen for the first time in Talega.

Airforce one lands at John Wayne Airport.

New Limo service from Talega to San Onofre is now running.

The new Talega Auto-body repair shop does custom work.

New drive-thru ATM in Talega.

From The Mayors Office

We will be closed on the 4th of July!

Hi Puttz!

Parking problems are begining to rear their ugly heads in Talega.

A new feature at the Talega Golf Course, now not only do they have a Refreshment cart, now they have a mobile Port-a-pottie for those who really have to go.

The difference between Men & Women.

With the cost of gas so high, this Talegalite has come up with a car that runs on URINE. He is shown here topping off his tank for a trip to SanO.

On the way to move into their new home in Talega.

Lady's day sign at the Talega Golf Course.

Sign at the new McDonalds in Talega.

New signs in Talega point the way to SanO.

Local Surfers Accidentally Break World Record

Fiftyseven Surfers Ride 'Party Wave' At Point!

SAN ONOFRE, Calif. -- Surfers at San Onofre state Beach unofficially broke the world record for a "party wave" by riding the same wave simultaneously, according to Murphy the Mayor.. After numerous hops, 57 surfers managed to get up on a single wave for at least five seconds Wednesday, said Murphy. The record now listed by Guinness World Records was set in Australia in December 2002, with 38 surfers. "It was out of control out there, but we accidentally beat the old record by 19," Murphy said. About 500 surfers paddled out, which is about 100 more then normal for the point.. Three professional surfing judges who happen to be stuck in the middle of it will provide documentation to Guinness to validate the record, according to Murphy, who said he intends to start surfing at Dogpatch..

Here is a close up of the actual signs that the state will be posting at Surf Beach for the foreseeable future.

Warnings flags have been posted from The Point clear down to DogPatch because of a rare showing of the Man-o-War Jellyfish at San Onofre.

More Jellyfish are spotted washing ashore at Old man's and the Point at San Onofre.

JELLY FISH WARNING ISSUED FOR SAN ONOFRE

SAN ONOFRE (AP) -State lifeguards are issuing a jellyfish advisory for Thursday and Friday. Officials recommend those allergic to the creatures and those who don't want to be stung to stay out of the water. The most commonly affected areas are expected to be Old mans and The Point areas of Surf Beach . Sting symptoms include stinging, burning, redness, swelling of lymph nodes. In cases of severe reactions, victims may have difficulty breathing and show signs of shock and cardiac arrest. The State Lifeguards advise those who are stung to flush the stung area out with lots of white vinegar and urine. Anyone having difficulty breathing, muscle cramps and spasms, or persistent pain should seek immediate medical attention. The jellyfish influx is expected to worsen on Saturday

Jellyfish wash ashore at San Onofre surfing beach stinging dozens of surfers.

This aerial photo of a Great White shark was taken this morning by a military surveillance helicopter just off Old Mans. The pilot estimated the sharks length at about 20 feet. He also said that there were numerous surfer's in the area.

OWNER ATTACKED BY DOG AT SAN ONOFRE

SAN ONOFRE, Calif. - In yet another dog attack at the beach, the owner of "Cuddles" was treated Sunday for wounds on her hands and arms Sunday after she was bitten by her 8-month-old pet at Surf Beach. The unidentified 36-year-old woman told park rangers that the dog bit her repeatedly after it was allowed to run free and defficate all over the beach. "She was attacked for no apparent reason," said animal control officer Ralph. The woman's husband was also bitten when he tried to stop the dog, but his injuries were less serious, rangers said. The dog, named "Cuddles", was picked up by the state's Animal Care and Services Department, said Hal Dairywimple. The woman told rangers she no longer wanted the dog. The attack is the latest in a flurry of beach dog attacks.

Murphy has a cousin in Paris named Montague who almost got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. After planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only two blocks away when his SUV ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:

"Monsieur, I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

The official drink of Talega.

WARNING!

This shot taken from the bluff above Old Mans clearly shows a Great White shark swimming within feet of some tourists at the low tide lagoon. Beachgoers are urged to stay out of the water until October when the summer Great White breeding season is over. Scientists say that breeding sharks have a much more voracious appetite then non-breeding sharks and are likely to attack anything and everything!

FATAL SHARK ATTACK AT SAN ONOFRE

SAN ONOFRE, Ca. Jun 25, 2005 A young person was killed Saturday in a shark attack at San Onofre Surf Beach, authorities said. "We have had a confirmed shark attack. The scene is still under investigation," said Hal Dairywimple, spokesman for State parks. Area beaches were closed to swimmers immediately afterward. Details of the attack and the victim's name were not immediately released. Dairywimple said authorities were trying to track down the victim's relatives. Murphy the Mayor of San Onofre, refused to comment. The attack came near the height of the summer tourist season in California. Crowds were drawn to the beaches Saturday by temperatures in the upper 80s and high surf. "There are a lot of people on the beach," said gate guard Don, front entrance supervisor at Surf Beach . He said the beach is filled to capacity at this time of year. "This happens very often ," he added. San Onofre had the largest number of documented shark attacks worldwide last year with 31.

RALPH MITRE OBITUARY

RALPH MITRE July 21, 1933 - June 20, 2005 Passed away June 20th 2005 while surfing at his favorite break, Old Man's at San Onofre. Born July 21st 1933 in Los Angeles. Ralph graduated from Mt. Carmel High School in 1950 and from Woodbury University in 1953, the same year he married the love of his life Margie. He joined his family business, A.C. Tire in Los Angeles, and worked there until his retirement in 1992. Ralph and Margie moved to San Pedro where they built a family home with the help of numerous friends and family. They spent the next 34 years raising their 4 children, entertaining and enjoying their friends. They retired to Dana Point, CA in 1996 enabling Ralph to be closer to his favorite surf spot. Ralph was an avid sportsman. At Mt. Carmel, he excelled in football, baseball, and basketball. At Woodbury Univ. he was an officer, belonged to Phi Sigma Nu Fraternity and was chosen All-American in baseball. Upon moving to San Pedro he discovered surfing and immediately fell in love with the sport. His love for hunting began with his dad when he was just a child and he continued to love the Arizona desert throughout his life. Ralphie especially loved hunting with his son-in-law Dale and the Doten Gang. He divided his time between hunting, surfing, skiing, fishing, and volunteering as a coach. Ralph will be dearly missed by all who knew him, especially his family: his loving wife of 52 years, Margie; son Mike (Martha), daughter Laurie (Dale) Saine; son Greg (Carmen), son Jeff (April); and his grand children, Shannon, Sean, Lauren, Gregory, Paul, Zachary, Noah, and Madelyne. Throughout his life, Ralph remained dedicated to his family, friends, and the Catholic Church. The viewing will be held on Thursday, June 23rd at 6:30pm with a rosary at 7:00pm. Funeral Mass will be held on Friday, June 24th at 11:00am. All services will be held at Saint Edward Church 33926 Calle La Primavera, Dana Point, CA 92629. In lieu of flowers, please send donations to the American Heart Association 1 800 242 8721. Published in the Orange County Register on 6/23/2005.

From The Mayors Office

As some of you already know we lost a good friend at Old Mans on Monday morning. Ralph Mitre Died from a heart attack while surfing. There will be a paddle out for him on Wednesday 6-29-05 I'll get back to you with the time, but it will be at SanO. Dingo also will try and post the news. Ralph, you will be missed. For those not sure who he was, he came in early and drove a Jeep (I think it was a CJ5) it was off white with Reddish Brown trim. As for me, my foot is better but not quite ready to surf on. I still have to get the strength back before I try, as I do not want to jump the gun and tear the tendon again. More later------maybe

New urinals at SanO will try and keep restrooms dryer.

The cliffs at trail 6 collapsed again today leaving this one piece standing.

WHERE HAS MURPHY BEEN?

Murphy entered a local pun contest, and sent in ten different puns hoping that at least one of them would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

THE HYPNOTIST

The San Onofre Surfing Club was looking for a way to increase attendance and participation at their regular beach meetings. One member suggested bringing in a hypnotist. The board of directors agreed, a famous hypnotist was hired, publicity distributed, and everyone was pleased. A few weeks later the beach meeting was packed, and the club members sat fascinated as the hypnotist withdrew a pocket watch. The hypnotist began chanting: "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch....."The members became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, lightgleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly the hypnotist's fingers slipped andthe watch fell on a rock and broke.."SHIT," said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the beach..

A new zero tolerance policy for any and all infractions will be strictly enforced by Team Dairywimple. Trained by the LAPD Rampart division, these no-nonsense rangers will be on bike and foot patrol from 6am to 10pm daily.

MURPHY USES NEW DIAGNOSTIC COMPUTER

One day at San Onofre , Murphy says to Puttzle , "My elbow hurts terribly. I guess I better see a doctor.""Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Puttzle replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the Talega drugstore. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars... a heck of a lot cheaper than a doctor."So Murphy collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore.He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample.He pours the sample into a funnel and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:You have golfer's elbow . Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Murphy began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, scraped some oil off the driveway and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Murphy hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. Your Lexus needs rings.
6. And If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

Look for Murphy and his new RV at the beach today. He will be in his usual spot, plus 10 spaces north and 10 spaces south.

THIS MORNING IN BATHROOM #2

Murphy went to San Onofre toilet building #2 and was barely sitting down when he heard a voice from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"Murphy's not the type to start a conversation in the men's restrooms at a the beach but, he answered, somewhat embarrassedly: "Doin Just Fine!"And the other guy says: "So what are you up too?"What kind of question is that? At that point, Murphy is thinking this is too bizarre so he says: "Uhhh I'm like you, just going surfing!"At this point he was just trying to get out as fast as he can when he hears another question. Can I come over to your place after while?Ok, this question is just wacky but he figured he could just be polite and end the conversation. Murphy tells him, "Well, I have company over so today is a bad day for me!"Then he hears the guy say nervously..."LISTEN!!! I'll have to call you back, there's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions.

RAT INVASION AT SAN ONOFRE!

The winter rains have sure brought out the rats at San Onofre. This picture was taken by the shack at "Old mans" just 30 seconds after the trap was set. Beachgoers are urged to use extreme caution as many of these rodents carry the plague and rabies.

New caddy spotted at the US Open.