Mini-Mayor takes a mate

It would seem that our beloved Mini-Mayor has found a mate. This morning while feeding him, I was watching one on his holes and watching him pull down the fodder which I was placing at his hole entrance, then I saw another hole about 10 ft away and saw what I thought was Mini poking his head out of the other hole. As I placed a piece of fodder at the other hole, I saw both pieces (one at each hole) disappear at the same time, which can only mean that there are 2 gophers. They seem very happy working together, we hope to see little Mini-Mini's running around soon. More later-----Maybe!

friday

Well with Puttzle not around this morning things were pretty boring. The surf was a good 4 to 6 ft offshore winds,but still kind of sloppy with some rideable waves. Not very crowded either. The speeders were on a tear this morning and some inland group was having a party at OLDMANS. Mini-Mayor was out and about this morning collecting his food supply. And poor RM this morning had to swim a couple of times. RM, wear a leash, I hate to see you swim like that and miss some waves because of it, (but it is fun to watch you CRAB cross the rocks). Osifer K was ripping this morning, TB JOE was having a little difficulty this morning getting out, and Nextel L was getting his share, Joe-in-his-shorts was happy to get wet but not to happy with the surf. The low tide really made things worsen and the Sand-Bar was pounding. But it was a beautiful morning all in all. See you at the beach. More later-----maybe.

Would-Be Car Burglar Locks Self in Trunk

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

San Onofre, Calif. (AP) - A man attempting to burglarize a kiosk over the weekend locked himself in the trunk and was swiftly arrested, rangers said. A security guard for So. Cal. Edison followed a trail of blood to a banging noise coming from the trunk in the early morning hours Sunday. Park rangers responding to the scene expected to find a victim, but instead discovered the burglar. "Genius, pure genius," said Murphy the Mayor of San Onofre. Rangers said he cut himself on the door of the kiosk, then trickled blood across the parking lot to the car he eventually locked himself inside. The man initially told rangers he had been hit on the head and stuffed in the trunk, but rangers found items stolen from another kiosk inside the trunk with the suspect. "He popped the trunk and crawled in there to stash 300 annual passes," Murphy said. "But then he grabs the trunk to heave himself out and closes it on top of him. He's got to be the dumbest criminal of the day." The man was taken to Talega Medical Center to be treated for cuts, then to the San Diego County Jail to be booked on two counts of theft. Rangers did not identify the suspect.

Rangers targeting 'slap' attackers

The assault is videoed and then texted to friends. Rangers say they are targeting young people involved in a new trend of assaults in which they "slap" surfers in the face for no apparent reason. Gangs of locals are said to record pictures of the assaults on their mobile phones and then text them to their friends. Rangers said the assaults at San Onofre Surf Beach were serious incidents and would not be tolerated. Supt Hal Dairywimple, of the state parks, said eight people had already been charged over this type of assault. He said: "We treat this very seriously. This is a priority crime for the state. "The message I want to get across is that this is not fun. This is an assault." Many other beaches are also concerned about the phenomenon. One beach, in south Orange County, has banned surfers from carrying mobile phones to the beach entirely. Pastor Ralph, head teacher of St Martin-in-the-Fields High School Surf Class which frequents San Onofre said: "If I found pupils were doing this I would take this very seriously and actually treat it as bullying and exclude them for a fixed term from school."

State Park Fined for Throwing Out Kissing Homosexuals

SAN ONOFRE (Reuters) - A gay couple who were thrown out of San Onofre Surf Beach in 2003 for kissing won an appeal Monday against an earlier court ruling that cleared the state of sexual discrimination. The Court of Appeals in Laguna Beach ordered State Park ranger Hal Dairywimple to pay $50,000 in damages and to cover the legal costs of San Onofre's ombudsman against sexual discrimination, SO-CLU, which filed the appeal. Dairywimple asked Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick to leave his beach after they kissed and later told other rangers he did not let anyone engage in such behavior on his beach regardless of their sexual orientation. Laguna Beach District Court cleared him of discrimination, a charge that can result in a year in jail, in the country's first test of legislation against sexual discrimination in the state park system. But SO-CLU director Hans Van Puttzle said the appeals court found the state failed to prove "these two boys behaved in a way that would justify telling them to stop or telling them to leave the premises." "The Court of Appeals has made it clear that discriminating on grounds of sexual orientation is a serious violation of people's rights and can cost you dearly," he told Reuters. "This will hopefully function as an effective deterrent."

San Onofre Mayor Murphy Resigns Amid Probe

Film at 11.

MORE MAYORISMS

1. Golf is a lot like taxes - you drive hard to get to the green and end up in the hole.
2. Are you wearing your golfer's socks? The pair with a hole in one.
3. The musician in jail was anxiously awaiting his next release.
4. Two clock makers argued and got ticked off.
5. To golf at your favorite course may require a long drive.
6. Outdoor lights were put up at a golf course - for people who liked swinging nightclubs.
7. She became a golf professional to earn her bread and putter.
8. As a golfer you have to have good fore-sight.
9. Golfers would wear wrinkled clothes if it weren't four irons.
10. The fact that he was a bad golfer was a fore-gone conclusion
11. A racer who was also a golfer really knew how to drive.
12. He would promise to play golf, but he didn't know how to follow through.
13. Golfers hate cake because they might get a slice.
14. Expensive golf clubs are par for the course.
15. If you golf on election day -- cast an absent-tee ballot.
16. A man named Jim Golf offered training on building golf courses called Golf's golf course course.
17. A photographer taking pictures of golfers says 'watch the birdie'.
18. The sound that a golf cart makes is: 'putt..putt..putt'.

Twin Takes Candidate's Place in Parade

SAN ONOFRE - Mayoral candidate Murphy acknowledged Wednesday that his twin brother took his place in a parade this week, waving at onlookers who mistook the stand-in for the candidate. Murphy told The Associated Press he had a conflicting event and didn't intend to deceive anyone when Mayor Murray from Doheny walked in the parade. "We can't help that we look like each other," said Murphy, a surfer / golfer and leading contender for the mayor's post. As many as 250,000 people gathered along the famous dirt road to watch the decorated SUV's drive by on Saturday night. Many mistook the Doheny guy for the mayoral hopeful. "When he was waving, they would say, 'Murphy,' and he would say 'No, it's Murray,' but you can't really yell at 200,000 people along the route," Murphy said. Beach parade announcer Jim Irwin told radio station KFI, which first reported the story, that materials provided to him showed Murphy— not his brother — among passengers on the City Council float. He said he wasn't told about the replacement. "I thought it was Murphy myself, as I'm sure tens of thousands of others did," said Ranger Hal Dairywimple. Mayor Murphy did not immediately return a phone call to his office from The Associated Press. A woman who answered said the surfer was at the golf course that afternoon. Dairywimple said he believes the parade appearance was dishonest and deceptive. "If you're 18 years old and having a date, it might be a youthful prank when you swap out your brother, but when you're running for mayor of a beach with 1.3 million people and sending in your brother as an impersonator ... I do see a problem with it," Dairywimple said.

Surf Beach Gunman Puts Van 'Out of Its Misery'

SAN ONOFRE, Ca. - A man with car trouble is in trouble after shooting five rounds into the hood of his Dodge van "to put my van out of its misery." Unt Puttzle shot his 1975 Dodge van with a .380-caliber semiautomatic, Park rangers said. When the attendant at the kiosk asked what he was doing, Unt Puttzle said, "I'm putting my van out of its misery." He tucked his gun in a pocket and went surfing. He was arrested Wednesday on a misdemeanor charge of discharging a firearm in public. He posted $100 bail Thursday. Unt Puttzle said the van has been giving him trouble for years and had "outlived its usefulness." He called the shooting "dumb" and worries he will be forced to move out of state. But he doesn't regret it. "I think every guy in the universe has wanted to do it," Unt Puttzle told the Daily Sun-Post. "It was worth every damn minute in that jail." The EPA may also press charges as one of the rounds blew through the transmission spilling fluid into an ecological preserve. Another round pierced the engine block, but there was no oil in it to leak out.

NEW FAT-FRIENDLY POTTIES ENDANGERING THE SKINNY!

Skinny surfers are falling into enormous toilets - and fat tourist are to blame.

SAN ONOFRE: "The state parks are installing bigger toilets to accommodate the increasing size of tourists butts," says Adrian Greenbaum of People Opposing Outsized Potties (POOP). "As a result, slim people have to perch on the edge of the seat and are in terrible danger of falling into the water and drowning. If you manufacture a toilet the size of a hot tub to cater to big fat kooks, bad things are going to happen." Greenbaum says outsized toilets are being installed in thousands of beaches and campgrounds and to date, more than 200 thin people have fallen off their perch on the seat and plunged into the water. "Thank goodness there have been no fatalities so far," he says. "But it's only a matter of time. A friend of mine was surfing at San Onofre and they had a toilet seat big enough to accommodate three normal people.Unfortunately he fell into the water and accidentally flushed at the same time. 'I could have been swept out to sea,' he told me. 'It was like being caught under the Niagara Falls.' "

Taxidermist Turns Your Dead Pets Into Pillows

News Edition: 04/18/2005

San Clemente (AP) - A U.S. taxidermist has come up with a strange way to keep the memory of dead pets alive - cushions made from their fur. Dr. Ralph gets bereaved animal owners to send him their pets' bodies - which he then transforms into pillows and cushions. The soft furnishings feature the hair of your cat or dog on one side and the fabric of your choice on the other. And he has already sold hundreds of the Pet Pillows across the world in just a couple of months. Dr. Ralph from San Clemente, admits some people are initially shocked by the idea. But he said most animal lovers were thrilled by the chance to have a permanent reminder of their four-legged friends, such as a Mayor from San Onofre who had a gopher made into a golf ball cover.

Man admits leaving photos of genitals on cars

Apr. 14, 2005 11:22 AM

SAN ONOFRE - A 41-year-old man is behind bars today after he told rangers he left photos of his genitals on the vehicles of up to 100 women parked at surf beach, officials said. Rangers arrested the man on Tuesday on suspicion of public display of explicit sexual materials, public sexual indecency, possession of dangerous drugs and drug paraphernalia, park ranger Sgt. Hal Dairywimple said. Rangers have been investigating at least 30 reports of photos left on the cars of women since 1999. Dairywimple said rangers are working with the FBI on possible additional cases. Rangers got a break in the case when a man left DNA when he touched himself in front of women at two separate locations in November and December. The DNA from both samples matched and was placed into the national Combined DNA Index System (CODIS). Last month, rangers got a match to the DNA linking the crimes the suspect. Detectives began surveillance and said they saw him place a photo of his genitals on a woman's car Tuesday at 5:35 p.m. at the Point. He is being held in a San Diego County jail on an $18,000 bond, rangers said.

Wrong Bath Lands Legend in Hot Water

SAN CLEMENTE (Reuters) - A Surfing legend returning from an evening's blogging has landed in hot water after climbing into a relaxing hot bath in someone else's condo. The 70-year-old legend from San Clemente, was arrested and charged with unlawful entry after being discovered late Friday night in the bath tub of a condo about 50 yards from his own, police said. "I can't believe it wasn't my bath," ABC television quoted the legend, as telling investigators.

Surfer Fights Off Shark, Keeps Surfing

SAN ONOFRE, Ca. - A surfer at San Onofre fought off a seventeen-foot shark with his board — and kept on surfing, a ranger said. Bruce Savage returned to Old Mans Beach 30 minutes after surviving the attack, despite the beach being closed because of the danger, ranger Hal Dairywimple said. "He was pretty calm about it, very laid back," said Dairywimple, who was on the beach when the 70-year-old surfer rode his damaged board back in after the attack.

Savage was sitting on his board about 100 feet offshore when the shark attacked. He told a newspaper that he rammed the board, a recent 70th birthday present from his girlfriend Sabrina Wentworth, into the shark's mouth. He said it was a Talega Surf & Sport Sano model . "I shoved the board at it like a barge pole," the Daily Sun post quoted him as saying. He said the shark released the board and he quickly headed for shore. "It was only about 10 or 15 seconds that I was waiting for a wave but it seemed like an eternity," he told the newspaper. "You think you'd go to jelly when something like this happens but I was surprisingly calm." The shark took two bites of the fiberglass board before stopping the attack, Dairywimple told The Associated Press by telephone.

"There were two big puncture mark bites on the board, but it didn't actually bite a hunk out of it so he was able to ride it in,"Dairywimple said He came back 30 minutes later to surf with a replacement board, Dairywimple said. Last month, a 20-foot Killer Whale tore a man in half and ate 3 black labs as he and the slobbering dogs floundered off the point.

Mayor Gets A Steaming Pile O' Crap In The Mail

News Edition: 03/17/2005 SAN ONOFRE - A harassment complaint has been filed with park rangers after mini mayor found fecal matter in an envelope addressed San Onofre mayor Murphy.

The envelope was one of two that contained harassing materials, according to a report filed Friday with park rangers. The envelopes also contained aletter from someone complaining about the beach's ban on smoking in enclosed public places. Park rangers declined to comment about the contents of the letter, but Lt. Hal Dairywimple said officers are investigating. Dairywimple said rangers think both envelopes were sent by the same person.

The harassing letter - which had no return address - was discovered Friday
by mini mayor, an aide who opens all of Murphy's mail. San Onofre officials routinely receive phone calls, letters, e-mails and faxes from beachgoers upset about an issue or the way someone voted, but this communication crossed the line, Murphy said. "An angry letter is not that big a surprise," he said. "This was just a very, very sick person."

San Onofre to Host World Toilet Summit

Thu Apr 14, 8:47 AM ET Strange News - AP

SAN ONOFRE - The state parks plan to upgrade hygiene in its public toilets to meet international standards as it prepares to host the World Toilet Summit next year, a park official said Wednesday.

"Toilets are very important for the beach's image in the eyes of visitors," said Ralph Chareonsak, a senior official of the State Parks Public Health Ministry.

The conference is to be held at surf beach in May 2006.

The first summit, organized by the World Toilet Organization, was held in 2001 at Doheny, where toilet facilities are often in need of upgrades. Topics discussed at the meetings include toilet design and technology, toilet management and hygiene and energy-saving measures.

I'M IN A POETIC MOOD

There once was a farmer who lived by a crick,
and early each morning he played with his-----
banjo in the moonlight with the lady next door.
You could tell just by looking that she was a-----
fine country lady with a fine country lass
and when she rolled over you could see her fat----
legs in the moonlight she walked like a duck.
She promised the farmer a new way to----
raise a fine family the girls would all knit
and the boys would be outside shoveling----
corn cobs and cabbages and they did it quite well
and if you don't like my story you can just got to ---
bed.

The Michael Jackson trial reminds me of a good quick joke:
There's this couple.
Girl says, "We gotta break up."
Guy says: "But honey we get along great, have the same interests, finish each other's sentences, the sex is fantastic."
Girl says, "Yeah, but you're a pedophile."
Guys says, "Oh...pedophile! Big word for a 9 year old.

http://regularguys.modblog.com/

Hunt Is On For Idiot Turd Burglar

News Edition: 04/01/2005

SAN ONOFRE - Park Rangers are searching for a gunman who swiped a bag of poop from a man out walking his dog. The man told rangers that he was out walking his dog, Corky, on Monday when a man in his 20s ran up behind him and grabbed the bag he was holding.

When the gunman discovered what was in it, he threw it down in disgust, pointed his gun at the 45-year-old man and demanded money, Ranger detective Dairywimple said. He then aimed his .22-caliber semiautomatic at Corky and pulled the trigger twice but the gun didn't fire, Dairywimple said.

The robber ran to a waiting SUV and fled the scene, rangers said. A photographer at the point who specializes in speeding vehicles managed to capture the fleeing car on film and has posted it on a blog called SAN-O DAZE.

HE'S BACK!

I’m Emery on the gate I am,
Emery on the gate I am, I am,
I am working at the beach once more,
I have worked there 7 times before,
And every one was a Emery (Emery),
I wouldn’t have a Walter or a Don (no Don)
I’m the gate old man I Emery,
Emery on the gate I am

Second verse same as the first
I’m Emery on the gate I am,
Emery on the gate I am, I am,
I am working at the beach once more,
I have worked there 7 times before,
And every one was a Emery (Emery),
I wouldn’t have a Taylor or a Pam (no Pam)
I’m the gate old man I Emery,
Emery on the gate I am

(shouts)E-M-E-R-Y
Emery(Emery) Emery (Emery)
Emery on the gate I am, I am,
Emery on the gate I am.