Junk

JUNK, JUNK, JUNK!!! And still there was a crowd.

More than 300 arrested at San Onofre over Memorial Day weekend

SAN ONOFRE, Ca. - More than 300 people have been arrested so far during this year's Memorial Day weekend at San Onofre, and partygoers were generally worse behaved than in the past, park rangers said Sunday. Rangers estimated that more than 200,000 people jammed onto Surf Beach for a celebration of being from Talega and culture known as Inland kook Beach Week during the three-day weekend. But rangers said they were ready for the deluge of tourists. "It's a challenging weekend," said Hal Dairywimple, a park spokesman. "No other weekend compares to Memorial Day." Dairywimple said 324 arrests were made since Thursday night, mostly for disorderly conduct, disorderly intoxication and misdemeanor drug arrests. Last year there were 140 arrests during the same period. About 600 undercover and rangers in uniform were on patrol, Dairywimple said. Park rangers were being assisted by San DiegoCounty police, City of San Clemente police, and the Camp Pendleton military police. In 2001, a massive yet unexpected crowd caught the park by surprise. Rangers struggled with crowd control, and unruly behavior was prevalent. After that, the state developed a major events plan to deal with the Memorial Day parties. Last year, about 500 rangers, some in riot gear, worked the Point district, three-quarters of them on the 6 p.m to 6 a.m shift "It's as busy as its ever been," Dairywimple said. "The behavior of the partygoers is a lot worse than in years past."

At the Zoo

San Zoonofre was at it again today. Ranger P. was spinning in circles this morning, the crowd was so unforgiving. She was on her PA system all morning with speeders and even a Yaker tried to paddle his way out at 4doors, but she nabbed him before he could make it out to the break. Come on! Read the rules before you go there people. Rules at SanO apply to everyone no one is exempt! Don't think, Oh, the rules don't apply to me because I'm new or you can't (or won't) follow rules. And don't think because you have a annual pass or pay the day use fee that you can do what you want. Here's what can happen, You can be sited by the Ranger and kicked out for the day or if it warrants it, the Ranger can take your annual pass and throw you out for good! SanO is for everyone who comes in to enjoy, not for a few who think they can do what they want and to hell with anyone else, it doesn't work that way! The speed limit is posted at 15 mph, but you should drive only at a speed that is safe, just like on the street. If its crowded keep it slow there are kids running around and old guys playing in the road, be considerate and try not to raise dust as you go by, no one wants to breath that, not even you. Its going to be very crowded this summer so please obey the rules and be thoughtful of others and lets all surf and enjoy our great beach. And before you leave please police your area and pick up the trash so the next person at that spot can enjoy it with stepping in someone elses mess. If you don't know the rules, ask the park aid at the gate for a copy, make your stay and everyone elses a fun one. Thanks for listening. More later---------maybe

PENIS CLOSES ROAD TO SAN ONOFRE

A large fake penis has caused a major terror alert at San Onofre. A key highway to San Onofre was closed after a driver spotted what looked like a pipe bomb near the nuclear power plant. Fearing terrorists were trying to blow up the structure, rangers closed Basilone for an hour. But on closer inspection rangers found that the 'device' was actually a foot-long plastic penis. "Someone took construction-grade plastic, moulded it into a penis and wrapped it with duct tape," said Ranger Hal Dairywimple. The bomb squad was brought in to handle the situation and a remote-controlled robot used to make the fake penis safe. Dairywimple said "these types of toys are quite common at trail six and often wash up at San Onofre Surf Beach during south swells".

Good-Bye Dale

I just heard from a very reliable source that about an hour ago Dale Velzy passed on. Our prayers go out to his family. The surfing world has just lost a real Icon! The father (I believe) of the modern surfboard. He will be remembered in our hearts. So lets save a spot in the line-up because he will always be there. More later-------maybe

Just in time for memorial day.

SAN ONOFRE State lifeguards closed San Onofre State Beach to surfers after three or four sharks -- some as long as eighteen feet -- swam as close as 100 yards to shore today. Video--Shark Sightings "It's better to have the area closed to surfers so no one is in danger," Ranger Hal Dairywimple said in a broadcast report. Dairywimple said officials will decide tonight whether to reopen the area tomorrow. "Our main concern is public safety," Dairywimple said. Authorities have determined the species of shark sighted off the coast were Great Whites and there were concerns the animals may be potentially dangerous. Lifeguards in a boat who motored out to where the sharks swam today expressed concern that one shark did not appear to be alarmed by the approach of the humans. Dairywimple said sharks frequently will swim away when a boat approaches. "This one wasn't bothered by the boat," said Dairywimple. "In fact, he swam up to the boat to investigate it."

Editors note: The video mistakenly identified the area as Pacific Palisades. In fact, the video was shot at San Onofre Surf Beach near "Old mans". We apologize for the mistake.

Hawaiian Surf Club

The Hawaiian Surf Club is having their annual luau at the San Clemente community center this weekend. Here are a few phrases that will help you fit in.

My wife will pay the bill when she returns
Aia no a ho'i mai ka'u wahine, nana ka pila e uku aku.

These really nice napkins seem to match my underclothing
Ku maika'i keia mau kawele pepa i ke 'ano o ko'u 'a'ahu palema'i.

This Merlot is an ungrateful bitch
He kanapapiki mahalo 'ole keia mea inu Merlot ia'u.

Waiter, my papaya has been previously fondled
E ke kuene, ua milimili 'e 'ia neia mikana!

The busboy has cursed me and I am ashamed
Ua ho'ohalahala 'ia mai nei au na ke kuene, a hilahila ihola au.

Pardon my flatulence, but I had refried beans and poi for breakfast
E kala mai i ka palale, i ka palali; aka ua 'ai aku nei i papapa mo'alua a me ka poi i ke kakahiaka nei.

A Sheriff Bob story

A woman was walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. Sheriff Bob was approaching , thinking to himself, "Boy, my eyes must be going. It looks like that woman is hanging out of her blouse." As he got closer, it became apparent that she really WAS hanging out. When Sheriff Bob came face to face with the woman, he said, "Miss, are you aware that I could arrest you for indecent exposure?" "Why, officer?" the woman asked. "Well," said Sheriff Bob, "Your right breast is hanging out of your blouse." The woman quickly looked down and exclaimed, "Shit, I left the baby on the bus!"

Now you know what really happened to his foot!

Murphy's foursome was on the last hole and when Murphy drove off the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed the plan and waited for their friend. After a considerable time he appeared disheveled, bloody, badly beaten up and limping. They all wanted to know what happened. He explained that he went over to the cow pasture but could not find his ball. He noticed a cow wringing her tail in obvious pain. He went over and lifted her tail and saw a golf ball solidly embedded. It was a yellow ball so he knew it was not his. A woman comes out of the bushes apparently searching for her lost golf ball. The ever helpful Murphy lifted the cow's tail and asked, "Does this look like yours?" That was the last thing he could remember!

Murphy goes to the Doctor

Murphy had an appointment to see the urologist who shared an office with several other doctors.The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist desk he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name. In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?" All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, "NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."

From the Mayors Office

Well, San ZOOnofre lived up to its name again today. Again the fog came in and so did the snakes, kooks and hoppers! It could have made "America's Funniest Home Video's " this morning if someone would have taped the show." Baby Turns" brought down Crispy Cream donuts this morning so eveyone had coffee and donuts and watched the show. "Clay-massion" went out and put on a show, but it wasn't him because he surfs better! He hopped Ryan twice on good waves while Ryan was standing perched on the nose. Possibly a new canidate for the "HALL OF SHAME"! More later-----maybe

From the Mayors office

Today was a ZOO! The line to get in was as long as any summer weekend. The surf was a high tide mushy bumpy sloppy mass of boards and body's, and to make things worse, the whole Webster Fornicator team was out for a photo session and almost every one of them was leashless. The fog again arrived and so did the onshore winds, so most of the locals were leaving early. When I left about 8:30 the turnaround was full and Ranger P was turning cars back at the bottom of the access road. We had a visit this morning before the gate opened from Edison Security guards 307alpha and 307bravo it was good to see them and remember for those of you who want to get in line early at the gate, if you get there before 4:30am Edison Security will make you leave. They patrol the whole area of the park (as a courteousy to the state) and the Edison power plant and they are armed with automatic weapons and all are ex-military so they know how to police and defend the area. Well thats about all from San Zoonofre, more later------maybe

Hi Puttz!

From the Mayors office

It was a beautiful morning at the gate, but by the time it was ready to open the line was down the hill and half way down the road to the lower stop sign. (it looked like a weekend) The surf was really bad and the fog came in so heavy you couldn't see your hand in front of your face, and the water is about 57 degrees! Kooks and hoppers were out in force, and we miss Puttzle's camera. One of the pro's (you know the ones that don't wear a leash because their so good) lost his board and was walking in on the rocks when another pro loose's his board and it washes in right behind the first pro who was unaware and it nailed him right behind the knee's and took him down. When will you kooks learn? Wear a F---ing leash and stop being stupid and dangerous, the place is getting to crowded and with no Lifeguard someone is really going to pay the price one day! If you think your that good, GO UP TO LOWERS and be dangerous there. If your not sure of what to do there's a book at Talega Surf&Sport called "KOOKS LIKE ME", it will tell you everything you need to know about surfboard safety and wave ediquette. If its to hard to understand, STAY OUT OF THE WATER! More later-----maybe

Hi! Puttz!

RANGER FIRES GUN AT BEACH PARKING LOT

SAN ONOFRE.No one is hurt as ranger shoots into car

A park ranger shot into a car in the parking lot of San Onofre Surf Beach Wednesday as hundreds of surfers watched. No one was hurt in the incident, but the gunfire brought crime scene tape and ranger activity rarely seen at the point or in its surrounding areas. "It was really scary," Murphy the Mayor said. "It was something you see on TV, not in real life." The incident began about 6:25 a.m., minutes after theopening of the gate sent hundreds of surfers into the parking lot . Riding with a friend in a black Escalade SUV, Stu Talega zipped through the parking lot looking for waves, he said. When the SUV pulled to the entrance gate, a ranger approached and told them to stop, but Talega ignored the order and drove away, he said. "I wasn't thinking. . I don't like the rangers. I was just trying to get away," the 48-year-old said, adding that he had been stopped and questioned by rangers on three previous visits. Rangers chased the car as it sped through the lot. It almost reached the parking lot exit before a ranger cut it off, prompting the driver to speed down the dirt road in reverse and nearly hit surferss walking to the water, witnesses said. At one point, a local threw a surfboard in front of the SUV, which dragged the board about 40 feet before getting stuck on a rock in the middle of the road, witnesses said. Talega put the SUV in reverse to try to free the board, and that's when one of the rangers fired. "I guess he thought his life was in danger," Murphy said. The driver surrendered after the shooting, which left a single bullet hole in the driver's side door just below the window. . Hal Dairywimple, spokesman for the State parks, said the driver would be charged with two counts of assault with a deadly weapon against a ranger and reckless endangerment. . Rangers found open containers of Starbucks in the SUV, Dairywimple said. Stu Talega is being held without bail at the Vista jail.

This story stinks!

Murphy was a man who had a passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they had a lively reaction on him. Then one day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "she is such a sweet and gentle girl, she will never go for this kind of carrying on." So making the supreme sacrifice, he gave up baked beans. They were married shortly thereafter. Months later, his car broke down on the way home from work, and he had to walk home. On the way home, he went into a small cafe and called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home. After making the call, he smelled baked beans in the cafe. They were the best beans he had ever smelled! He could not resist and had three large orders of baked beans. All the way home he had gas. His wife seemed excited and somewhat agitated to see him, exclaiming,"darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for dinner tonight!" She blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the dining room table. He seated himself. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She made him vow not to touch the blindfold until she returned. Seizing the opportunity of her absence, he shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not loud, but as ripe as rotten eggs. He took the napkin from his lap and fanned the air about him. Things had just returned to normal when he felt another urge coming on. So he shifted his weight to the other leg and let go again. This was a prize winner. He figured that he must be done. But then he made a third fart. This one made the flowers at the table wilt! Yet somehow his wife didn't hear him. While keeping his ear on the phone conversation in the hall, he again fanned vigorously until he heard the phone farewells, indicating the end of his freedom. He was the very picture of innocence when his wife returned. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked. He assured her that he had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold and there was his surprise -- Twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party!

Millions of stars

Puttzle and Murphy are camping in the desert. Puttzle sets up their tent and both are soon asleep. Some hours later, Puttzle wakes his faithful friend. "Murphy, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Murphy replies, "I see millions of stars." What does that tell you?" asks Puttzle? Murphy ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Chronologically, it appears to be approximately quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful, and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Puttzle is silent for a moment, and then says, Murphy, you pendejo. Someone has stolen our tent

From the Mayors office

Well Puttzle is in Arizona this week and things are real quiet at the Point. Speeders are on a tear, hoppers are coming out is droves. The waves are about 1 to 3 with some 4 footers clean conditions and some pretty good shape, but it is inconsistant. This morning aTalegalite pulls in and parks next to Grumpy and suits up, but before he goes out he sets a cardboard box on the hood of his car and puts a towel over it to hold it in place, then sets a small cam-corder in the box and turns it on then goes in the water. (whats up with that?) If the guy wanted to take videos of himself he will be laughed at because he was a total KOOK, but then he is a Talegalite so thats to be expected. Our resident vagrant was leaving the park this morning but no Ranger came down so he got away with another free stay. Well I've got to go ice my foot, so more later-----maybe

The internationally beloved unt Puttzle will be back on Tuesday.

Ranger Bitten By Snake While Using Bush As A Toilet

San Onofre- May 12, 2005

A female park ranger who decided to defecate in a bushy area because toilets were too far, got more than she had bargained for when she was bitten by a snake on her buttocks. The 29-year-old woman who is employed by the state parks gave out a scream when the snake struck her bottom, alerting her colleagues who rushed to her aid. State spokesman Hal Dairywimple said the woman who declines to be named was to blame, charging: "She knows where the toilets are." According to Dairywimple, the woman chose to relieve herself in the bush because there were no toilets near the main entrance where she was manning the gate. Recounting her ordeal, she said: "I felt a painful sting and I ran screaming for help towards my colleagues. However, that is all I can remember because when I woke up I found myself in a hospital bed." Other rangers who came to her aid say they saw a snake escaping into the thick bush near bathroom#4 and immediately summoned for an ambulence. She was admitted for two nights at the nearby San Clemente Hospital. Another ranger said: "The situation is really pathetic as we are exposed to danger because we are forced to use the bush as a toilet. We have tried to ask the state to build some toilets for us on several occasions, but up to now they have not done anything about it." Murphy, the Mayor of San Onofre, had no sympathy for the ranger."I heard that there was a female ranger who was bitten by a snake, but I am not sure what she was doing at the time. However, if she was relieving her self in the bushes then that is not the state’s fault as they know where the nearest toilets are if they need to relieve themselves," he said.

Now Here's A Hard Luck Story...MAN HAS ERECTION FOR A YEAR!

Editors note....not to be confused with Sheriff Bob or Occifer K.

Officer Bob (OB) took an erectile dysfunction pill and made medical history by having a rock hard erection for 365 days, even though doctors warned it could permanently damage his penis. "Who cares? At least I'll go out happy," says OB, a 60-year-old surfer and highway patrolman who frequents San Onofre. "I had a bulge in my pants the size of a zucchini. I shtupped my kid's second grade teacher, the cleaning lady, salesgirls, my mother-in-law. They all got a taste of Herbie the Love Bug." The surfer/cop explains that he was suffering from work-related stress, which kept him from performing in the bedroom. "My wife said: 'That's alright, it happens to everybody.' But it never happened to me before. "I tried imagining Jessica Simpson naked, I tried shacking up with a sleazy ho who talked dirty and spanked me -- nothing helped." OB visited the local office of Dr. Ralph Oppenheimer, a proctologist who wrote his patient a prescription. "I warned him if he was aroused for more than four hours to seek medical attention immediately," says Ralph " OB says: "I ignored that wussy advice. At every appointment I'd nail his nurse and receptionist. It was the best year of my life."

Mayor gets $14,000 surfboard as gift

SAN ONOFRE(Reuters) - A $14,153 surfboard with accessories, a $2,700 bike and thousands of dollars worth of fishing gear topped the list of gifts received by Murphy the Mayor last year. While the mayor's gift list had a distinctly outdoorsy theme, Ranger Hal Dairywimple received more artsy presents such as paintings and a statue, according to annual financial disclosure documents released on Friday. Dairywimple gave Murphy a $595 desk clock for Christmas that is currently telling time in his camper. Murphy gave Dairywimple a $425 floor globe. In 2004, Murphy received gifts that totaled $26,346, many from friends at the Point, and about four times the $5,934 value of gifts given to Dairywimple. The most expensive single gift Murphy received was the surfboard with "accessory " from Talega Surf & Sport.. Don Puttzle, the mayor's close friend and former commerce secretary, gave him a fishing rod, shirt, three caps and fishing bait valued at $208; a hardcover book worth $240; and a $149 Dodge van. Murphy received a total of five golf clubs, with the most expensive priced at $900 with travel case. Murphy an avid golfer, received a $20,700 golf cart that he uses in the shorecliffs area, and balls, gloves and other equipment worth $532. Classical pianist Van Cliburn from Texas gave Murphy $650 gold cuff links. And for his cowboy wardrobe, Murphy received a brown pair of $295 cowboy boots from Rocky Carroll of Houston, Texas, and a $400 cowboy hat from Mickey Foster of Austin, Texas.

Dairywimple received a $1,600 painting, a $700 replica of a statue outside of Cabella's store in Minnesota, and an $800 framed landscape painting. He also received a $490 sterling silver engraved bowl, a $350 silver apple made by Fornari and Fornari, as well as a $120 Namiki Vanishing Point Black Carbonesque pen. Family friend Tubesteak gave Dairywimple 12 bottles of assorted wines valued at $699. The mayor and ranger are required to report gifts from beach goers that cost more than $285. They are not allowed to accept personal gifts from foreigners or kooks.

San Onofre - A man dressed up as a giant piece of feces has been refused entry to San Onofre Surf Beach. The man arrived as 'Mr Floatie' to represent POOP, People Opposed to Outfall Pollution, park officials said. But the guard at the kiosk refused him entry. The man said he wanted to protest against the daily dumping of 120 million gallons of raw sewage into the Pacific ocean. He said he was "a little bummed out" by gate guard Don's refusal to let him in and that San Onofre should look good for the 2005 surf contest season if it didn't want to get a "brown medal".

How long have you been coming to SanO

This morning Puttzle and I were sitting at the gate about 5:15am, when this car pulls up behind Puttz gets out of his car walks up to us and ask's "When did they start closing this gate"? (upper gate) We said, its always been locked, but before we got a chance to explain about the rains and why its been open and he say's "uh,uh! Its the lower gate they lock! Puttzle and I just looked at each other and thought the same thought "man how long have you been coming to SanO? Then it hit us "TALEGALITE" to the max!!! Then he walks back to his car after we try to explain, hangs a u-turn and hawls away. More later-------maybe

Animal sacrifice could spark shark attack

Thu May 12,10:42 AM ET

SAN ONOFRE (Reuters) - Blood from gophers butchered in a religious ritual at San Onofre Surf Beach could tempt sharks toward surfers an official warned Thursday. A small group called the Hopping Oracle has carried out such sacrifices at The Point, media reported. Its leader Prophet Moses Puttski said it was inspired by the Old Testament to help cure hoppers. But biologist Dr. Ralph of the Dana Point Sharks Board, which aims to reduce attacks on humans, said the blood may attract sharks. "Putting blood or guts into the water is simply not sensible," he told Reuters. "A shark in the vicinity of the beach may come to investigate."Three or four people are attacked every year off San Onofre's coasts, Ralph said. Animal protection officers said they were also investigating cruelty allegations on gophers around the sacrifices, and an official supervisor said they were unacceptable. "A beach is a public place and we can't have animals being sacrificed in front of visitors and children," the beach official told San Clemente's daily news.

Surfers in the drink after beer truck flips

Wed May 11,12:49 PM ET
SAN ONOFRE (Reuters) - A truck hauling 2,000 cases of beer flipped over and unleashed a sea of suds onto San Onofre's dirt road on Wednesday, in a scene that could have been lifted from the San Onofre cliche handbook. The early morning accident brought the usual morning speeders to a standstill on the dirt road near the point, as rescuers worked to free a woman on a cell phone trapped in the giant SUV that collided with the tractor trailer. "Believe it or not with this crushed SUV, the young lady driving it is going to be okay," Ranger Hal Dairywimple told ABC news. "The sand on the beach is now absorbing the beer," he added. At San Onofre, beer is closely co-advertised with the national obsession of shoulder hopping and an enduring national stereotype of drunk surfer's who swilled beer and ended every sentence with "dude?." Rangers said the beer-soaked sand would be scooped into bins and returned to the supplier for destruction against the loud objections by the denizens of bathroom #4-20.

No suspects in toilet fire

SAN ONOFRE - The night was cool and clear but the air turned toxic when a portable toilet began to burn in the early morning hours of May 5. Park rangers dispatched to a brush fire at the entrance to Surf Beach around 1:49 a.m. and arrived to find a Johnny On The Spot set aflame. It was not necessary to corner off the beach, but the portable toilet did release toxic fumes, Edison 307 Fire Inspector Ray Man said. “They clean those quite often, but obviously not knowing who used it, there would be a little bit of a biohazard, but nothing to the degree where the Haz-Mat unit would need to be called in,” he said. More dangerous would be the fumes emitted by the burning plastic, 307 said. “Well, if you breathe that in while it’s burning, then it could cause some damage,” said. Murphy the Mayor who is quite familiar with burning porta-potties. The portable toilet was destroyed, said Jose Puttzlo, a Johnny On The Spot Inc. dispatcher in Dana Point.. “If it was just the parts, we could replace it,” he said. “Unfortunately, it was burnt to the ground. All that was left was a heap of plastic. The state didn’t want to replace it.” A standard portable toilet is valued at $650, Puttzlo said. What agent the unknown arsonist used to ignite the portable toilet is still unknown, 307 said. “We found a small container inside the base of the [toilet,] but we still don’t know if the accelerant used was that,” he said. 307 did not want to speculate if the arsonist was a kids’ prank, but said the incident was the only one of its kind in the area. “There were no witnesses and no suspects, but there’s been no rash of burning potties,” he said.

San Onofre man arrested on charge of riding surfboard while drunk.

SAN ONOFRE, Ca. (Associated Press) - A San Onofre man has been charged with drunken driving - for riding a surfboard while allegedly intoxicated. Earl Dennis Larson, 62, was arrested Sunday night after he rode his surfboard onto the beach in front of an off-duty state ranger, Murphy the Mayor said. Ranger Hal Dairywimple said that Larson looked like he was about to fall off the board. Dairywimple said Larson admitted to being drunk and told rangers that he had ridden the board from T-Street, which was about 5 miles away. Larson told rangers that he had consumed about a twelve pack and failed sobriety tests, Dairywimple said, and was charged with operating a surfboard under the influence of intoxicants. A breath test showed Larson's alcohol level at .344, more than four times the limit. Larson was released from the San Diego County Dentention Center Monday, jail officials said. He faces a fine of between $20-$100, plus court costs. Dairywimple said the arrest was "very unusual," but park rangers have arrested others for similar violations, such as hopping others while under the influence.

2005 surf schedule

It looks like a busy contest year at San Onofre. Here a just a few of the dates so as to help you plan your schedule. As is the States policy, any of these events could be postponed to the following week should there be no surf. Afterall, it is more important for these professsionals to have good surf as the public is insignificant.

WCT MEN'S EVENTS

March 22-30: Rip Curl Pro-hopping challenge, The Point, San Onofre

May 5-14: Billabong Pro, 4 doors, San Onofre

May 22-29: Globe WCT, Dogpatch, San Onofre

June 23-30: Rip Curl Search, Old Mans, San Onofre

July 12-19: Billabong Pro, Bathroom#420, San Onofre

Aug. 31: Japan Quiksilver Pro, Nukes, San Onofre

Sept 9-24: Boost Mobile Pro, Old Mans, San Onofre

Sept. 23-29: Quiksilver Pro, San Onofre

Oct. 3-15: Billabong Pro, The Point, San Onofre

Oct. 31: Santa Catarina Kayak Pro, Tupperware Bay, San Onofre

Dec. 8-25: Rip Curl Pipeline Masters, Nuclear outlet, San Onofre

April 26-31: Body Glove Surfabout, 4 Doors, San Onofre

May 7-8: Old Mans Hobie San Onofre Classic (longboards)

June: Dogpatch National Scholastic Surfing Assn. 2005 Championships

July 23-31: Honda U.S. Open of Surfing, San Onofre

August 26-30: Body Glove Surfabout, The Point, San Onofre

August 7-18: Old Mans Hobie San Onofre Classic (longboards)

Sept 2-10: Huntington Beach Hello Kitty Boardfest at San Onofre (women)

We hope this helps.

Sheriff Bob!
Call Dingo. Your order has arrived.

You Really Missed It!

Wed May 4, 9:40 PM ET
SAN ONOFRE, Ca. - After Park Rangers fired 22 shots at a fleeing man without hitting him, the state park says they'll pay nearly $7,000 to repair bullet holes in vehicles and surfboards that were hit during the wild confrontation. According to insurance claims filed by both drivers and surfers, shots fired by four rangers in pursuit of 39-year-old I. M. Hopper, hit doors, windows, surfboards, speeding SUV's and a gopher. No one was injured in the March 9 chase. San Onofre is a beach of about 11,000 surfers surrounded by the Camp Pendleton. The shots came as rangers tried to apprehend Hopper, who had been the target of a manhunt after he was accused of "dropping in" on every wave he could regardless of who is riding. He was arrested May 4th less than 100 yards from the point. After a short car chase, Hopper drove through a patch of bamboo and over a new Talega Surf & Sport board before crashing his car into bathroom #4.

The Whole Beach's Talking:

By Dick Burns
Star-Tribune staff writer

Two San Onofre men face obscenity charges for erecting a sand sculpture April 21 on the beach that resembled a phallus, park rangers report. According to Hal Dairywimple, the two men built the sculpture near the Mayors spot at the Point before it was destroyed. Reports say the sculpture was "offensive to other surfers in the area." The two men were arraigned Friday in San Diego Circuit Court. They pleaded not guilty and were released on $1,000 bond. Their attorney, F. Lee Tracy, is challenging the claim and said the state obscenity statute was "being selectively enforced," and the sculpture could be protected under the First Amendment. Also on April 21, a second "anatomically correct sandman " was destroyed near Old Mans.

Locusts plague beach, blinding drivers and surfers.

SAN ONOFRE, Ca. (Reuters) - Swarms of locusts blinded drivers, halting traffic along a 3/4 mile stretch of a dirt road linking the point to the southern part of Dogpatch, rangers said Sunday. Many surfer's out at the Point said that they could not see who they were hopping as the swarm converged upon the water. Masses of insects started hitting windshields and foreheads around midday Saturday, forcing dozens of cars and SUV's to stop on the road for up to four hours, Murphy the Mayor said. "They came flying by millions, all on a sudden, apparently from nowhere, causing panic" he said. The surfers resumed their journey down the dirt road and hopping others when the swarm cleared.

SAN ONOFRE, Ca. (Reuters) - Park Rangers saved some 4,000 endangered frogs from being whizzed into popular drinks after they were found hidden in an old white van. "We were checking vehicles when out jumped a frog. It had escaped, they were in big crates," a spokesman for the state said on Thursday. Frog cocktails are popular with surfers near bathroom#4 because of their supposed hallucinogenic qualities. Locals have been selling the drinks from vehicles with tanks where customers can choose their frogs. He said the frogs, which had apparently been brought from the southern lakes in the high Andes, were found on Wednesday stored in the van at Surf Beach. They were taken to a holding pond in at the nuclear plant to splash around before being returned to their native lakes by ecological police. "There were about 5,000 of them but 1,000 died because of the conditions and in transit," the spokesman said.