Exclusive to the Sun-Post
By Richard Long
13 march 2005
SAN ONOFRE - There's apparently not much to do at San Onofre when the surf is flat.. A 51-year-old man in his motorhome decided to satisfy his fantasy of robotic love by seeking sexual gratification with his RV vacuum cleaner. Most men would think twice before poking a valuable organ into a vacuum, but this optimistic fellow had no qualms about the safety of his intended course of action. And using a vacuum cleaner had the appealing aspect of tidying up his mess after satisfying him. Our horny hero didn't realize that the suction on his hand-held Binford 2000 was created by a blade whirling just beneath the hose attachment, adjacent to the collection bag. His search for pleasure was cut short seconds after he stuck his penis into the vacuum and the blade lopped off part of his penis. With a sense of loss, he yelled for lifeguards. He told them that he had been stabbed in his sleep. When the lifeguards pointed out suspicious evidence, the victim claimed not to remember the incident.
Surgeons at San Clemente Medical Center stopped the bleeding, but were unable to reattach the 1/2" severed part. Though this man is still alive, his ability to reproduce has been curtailed by both his injury and his proclivity for RV appliances.
2 comments:
I understand that the identity of this gentleman was being withheld but it turns out he is no other than Dick Hertz Sr. father of the Talegoland resident that was stung and killed by the poisonous jelly fish just last week.
Again proof that OSHA approved safety classes need to be offered to residents who live in communities such as Telgoland.
And remember his sister Estelle Hertz?
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