NEW FAT-FRIENDLY POTTIES ENDANGERING THE SKINNY!

Skinny surfers are falling into enormous toilets - and fat tourist are to blame.

SAN ONOFRE: "The state parks are installing bigger toilets to accommodate the increasing size of tourists butts," says Adrian Greenbaum of People Opposing Outsized Potties (POOP). "As a result, slim people have to perch on the edge of the seat and are in terrible danger of falling into the water and drowning. If you manufacture a toilet the size of a hot tub to cater to big fat kooks, bad things are going to happen." Greenbaum says outsized toilets are being installed in thousands of beaches and campgrounds and to date, more than 200 thin people have fallen off their perch on the seat and plunged into the water. "Thank goodness there have been no fatalities so far," he says. "But it's only a matter of time. A friend of mine was surfing at San Onofre and they had a toilet seat big enough to accommodate three normal people.Unfortunately he fell into the water and accidentally flushed at the same time. 'I could have been swept out to sea,' he told me. 'It was like being caught under the Niagara Falls.' "

Taxidermist Turns Your Dead Pets Into Pillows

News Edition: 04/18/2005

San Clemente (AP) - A U.S. taxidermist has come up with a strange way to keep the memory of dead pets alive - cushions made from their fur. Dr. Ralph gets bereaved animal owners to send him their pets' bodies - which he then transforms into pillows and cushions. The soft furnishings feature the hair of your cat or dog on one side and the fabric of your choice on the other. And he has already sold hundreds of the Pet Pillows across the world in just a couple of months. Dr. Ralph from San Clemente, admits some people are initially shocked by the idea. But he said most animal lovers were thrilled by the chance to have a permanent reminder of their four-legged friends, such as a Mayor from San Onofre who had a gopher made into a golf ball cover.

Man admits leaving photos of genitals on cars

Apr. 14, 2005 11:22 AM

SAN ONOFRE - A 41-year-old man is behind bars today after he told rangers he left photos of his genitals on the vehicles of up to 100 women parked at surf beach, officials said. Rangers arrested the man on Tuesday on suspicion of public display of explicit sexual materials, public sexual indecency, possession of dangerous drugs and drug paraphernalia, park ranger Sgt. Hal Dairywimple said. Rangers have been investigating at least 30 reports of photos left on the cars of women since 1999. Dairywimple said rangers are working with the FBI on possible additional cases. Rangers got a break in the case when a man left DNA when he touched himself in front of women at two separate locations in November and December. The DNA from both samples matched and was placed into the national Combined DNA Index System (CODIS). Last month, rangers got a match to the DNA linking the crimes the suspect. Detectives began surveillance and said they saw him place a photo of his genitals on a woman's car Tuesday at 5:35 p.m. at the Point. He is being held in a San Diego County jail on an $18,000 bond, rangers said.

Wrong Bath Lands Legend in Hot Water

SAN CLEMENTE (Reuters) - A Surfing legend returning from an evening's blogging has landed in hot water after climbing into a relaxing hot bath in someone else's condo. The 70-year-old legend from San Clemente, was arrested and charged with unlawful entry after being discovered late Friday night in the bath tub of a condo about 50 yards from his own, police said. "I can't believe it wasn't my bath," ABC television quoted the legend, as telling investigators.

Surfer Fights Off Shark, Keeps Surfing

SAN ONOFRE, Ca. - A surfer at San Onofre fought off a seventeen-foot shark with his board — and kept on surfing, a ranger said. Bruce Savage returned to Old Mans Beach 30 minutes after surviving the attack, despite the beach being closed because of the danger, ranger Hal Dairywimple said. "He was pretty calm about it, very laid back," said Dairywimple, who was on the beach when the 70-year-old surfer rode his damaged board back in after the attack.

Savage was sitting on his board about 100 feet offshore when the shark attacked. He told a newspaper that he rammed the board, a recent 70th birthday present from his girlfriend Sabrina Wentworth, into the shark's mouth. He said it was a Talega Surf & Sport Sano model . "I shoved the board at it like a barge pole," the Daily Sun post quoted him as saying. He said the shark released the board and he quickly headed for shore. "It was only about 10 or 15 seconds that I was waiting for a wave but it seemed like an eternity," he told the newspaper. "You think you'd go to jelly when something like this happens but I was surprisingly calm." The shark took two bites of the fiberglass board before stopping the attack, Dairywimple told The Associated Press by telephone.

"There were two big puncture mark bites on the board, but it didn't actually bite a hunk out of it so he was able to ride it in,"Dairywimple said He came back 30 minutes later to surf with a replacement board, Dairywimple said. Last month, a 20-foot Killer Whale tore a man in half and ate 3 black labs as he and the slobbering dogs floundered off the point.

Mayor Gets A Steaming Pile O' Crap In The Mail

News Edition: 03/17/2005 SAN ONOFRE - A harassment complaint has been filed with park rangers after mini mayor found fecal matter in an envelope addressed San Onofre mayor Murphy.

The envelope was one of two that contained harassing materials, according to a report filed Friday with park rangers. The envelopes also contained aletter from someone complaining about the beach's ban on smoking in enclosed public places. Park rangers declined to comment about the contents of the letter, but Lt. Hal Dairywimple said officers are investigating. Dairywimple said rangers think both envelopes were sent by the same person.

The harassing letter - which had no return address - was discovered Friday
by mini mayor, an aide who opens all of Murphy's mail. San Onofre officials routinely receive phone calls, letters, e-mails and faxes from beachgoers upset about an issue or the way someone voted, but this communication crossed the line, Murphy said. "An angry letter is not that big a surprise," he said. "This was just a very, very sick person."

San Onofre to Host World Toilet Summit

Thu Apr 14, 8:47 AM ET Strange News - AP

SAN ONOFRE - The state parks plan to upgrade hygiene in its public toilets to meet international standards as it prepares to host the World Toilet Summit next year, a park official said Wednesday.

"Toilets are very important for the beach's image in the eyes of visitors," said Ralph Chareonsak, a senior official of the State Parks Public Health Ministry.

The conference is to be held at surf beach in May 2006.

The first summit, organized by the World Toilet Organization, was held in 2001 at Doheny, where toilet facilities are often in need of upgrades. Topics discussed at the meetings include toilet design and technology, toilet management and hygiene and energy-saving measures.

I'M IN A POETIC MOOD

There once was a farmer who lived by a crick,
and early each morning he played with his-----
banjo in the moonlight with the lady next door.
You could tell just by looking that she was a-----
fine country lady with a fine country lass
and when she rolled over you could see her fat----
legs in the moonlight she walked like a duck.
She promised the farmer a new way to----
raise a fine family the girls would all knit
and the boys would be outside shoveling----
corn cobs and cabbages and they did it quite well
and if you don't like my story you can just got to ---
bed.

The Michael Jackson trial reminds me of a good quick joke:
There's this couple.
Girl says, "We gotta break up."
Guy says: "But honey we get along great, have the same interests, finish each other's sentences, the sex is fantastic."
Girl says, "Yeah, but you're a pedophile."
Guys says, "Oh...pedophile! Big word for a 9 year old.

http://regularguys.modblog.com/

Hunt Is On For Idiot Turd Burglar

News Edition: 04/01/2005

SAN ONOFRE - Park Rangers are searching for a gunman who swiped a bag of poop from a man out walking his dog. The man told rangers that he was out walking his dog, Corky, on Monday when a man in his 20s ran up behind him and grabbed the bag he was holding.

When the gunman discovered what was in it, he threw it down in disgust, pointed his gun at the 45-year-old man and demanded money, Ranger detective Dairywimple said. He then aimed his .22-caliber semiautomatic at Corky and pulled the trigger twice but the gun didn't fire, Dairywimple said.

The robber ran to a waiting SUV and fled the scene, rangers said. A photographer at the point who specializes in speeding vehicles managed to capture the fleeing car on film and has posted it on a blog called SAN-O DAZE.

HE'S BACK!

I’m Emery on the gate I am,
Emery on the gate I am, I am,
I am working at the beach once more,
I have worked there 7 times before,
And every one was a Emery (Emery),
I wouldn’t have a Walter or a Don (no Don)
I’m the gate old man I Emery,
Emery on the gate I am

Second verse same as the first
I’m Emery on the gate I am,
Emery on the gate I am, I am,
I am working at the beach once more,
I have worked there 7 times before,
And every one was a Emery (Emery),
I wouldn’t have a Taylor or a Pam (no Pam)
I’m the gate old man I Emery,
Emery on the gate I am

(shouts)E-M-E-R-Y
Emery(Emery) Emery (Emery)
Emery on the gate I am, I am,
Emery on the gate I am.

IT'S A SLOOOOOOW NEWS DAY.

The adage that "necessity is the mother of invention" clearly holds true in the invention of the Murphy Bed. William L. Murphy, who was born in Columbia, California, near Stockton on January 1, 1876, moved to San Francisco at the turn of the century where he met his future wife. He lived in a one-room apartment that had a standard bed taking up most of the floor space. Because he wanted to entertain, he began experimenting with a folding bed, and applied for his first patent around 1900.

The "Murphy Wall Bed Company" of California came into being that year, making it one of the oldest furniture companies in America with nearly a century of continuous manufacturing and marketing.

The first of the folding beds were manufactured in San Francisco. In 1918, William Murphy invented the pivot bed that pivoted on a doorjamb of a dressing closet, and then lowered into a sleeping position - some of which are still in use today.

MORE LATER, MAYBE...

OVERHEARD BY THE MARSHALL

These 4 gents go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee.

"My son Kent," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."

The second man, no to be out done, tells how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "Norm's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave his friend two brand new cars as a gift."

The third man's son, Greg, has worked his way up through a stock brokerage, and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.

As the fourth man arrives at the tee, another tells him that they have been discussing their progeny and asks what line his son is in. "To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased with how my son turned out," he replies. "For 15 years, Stu's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's gay. However, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."

DR. MURPHY, GEOMETRY PROFESSOR

Three Indian women are sitting side by side. The first, sitting on a goatskin, has a son who weighs 170 pounds. The second, sitting on a deerskin, has a son who weighs 130 pounds. The third, seated on a hippopotamus hide, weighs 300 pounds. What famous theorum does this illustrate?

Naturally, the answer is that the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws on the other two hides.

ANOTHER MAYORISM

Murphy is in Vienna going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward ! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.

By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music. "Don't you get it?" the caretaker says incredulously. "He's decomposing!"

60-FOOT ALLIGATORS SIGHTED IN TRESTLES SWAMP!

They're as long as tractor trailers and the WETLANDS are full of 'em, says surfer!

TRESTLES Ca. - Stewart Becker spent four grueling hours paddling his battered surfboard back to the beach after it collided with a never-before-seen monster of the Trestles-- a 60-foot-long alligator! "I could have avoided hitting it if I had not been so stunned by its size," the 29-year-old surfer declared. "But I have never seen a gator anywhere near that big in my life. "When I saw it, I flat couldn't move a muscle. All I could see were its fiery eyes and its incredible teeth -- rows and rows of 'em. They looked like cavalry sabers. "The next thing I knew, 60-footers were popping up all around me. Any one of 'em could have chewed me up and swallowed me in one gulp. They're as long as tractor trailers and the trestles are full of 'em. Stewart, who lives in San Clemente, said he believes at least two dozen of the giant gators inhabit the swamp area at the popular Trestles .surf spot. "I wasn't about to stop and make a head count," Stewart said. "As far as I'm concerned, just one of those brutes on the loose is too many. But I could see there was a hell of a lot more than one."

Dana Point reptile expert Dr. Sidney Ralph said the giants may be survivors from the dinosaur era that only recently hatched from eggs laid millions of years ago. The eggs could have survived if they had been buried in mud by some disaster that occurred after they were laid," Dr. Ralph explained. "For some reason they worked their way to the surface where the California sun hatched them out. "The gators have been feeding on fish and the gophers that inhabit the wetlands. What we have to do now is take them captive so they can be fed and cared for properly. "If not, they most certainly will die. Then the world will have lost a priceless relic dating back before the dawn of man. We simply cannot allow that to happen."

GIANT LOCUSTS SWARMING SAN ONOFRE!

SAN ONOFRE - Locusts the size of French poodles are swarming through parts of Camp Pendleton eating everything in their path, including bamboo, bushes, gophers, surfboards and at least one slow-moving old surfer.

"It's like something out of a science fiction book," declared a Murphy the Mayor. Frantic rangers blame the plague on the escape of a pair of genetically altered "Adam and Eve" locusts fleeing a military biological warfare laboratory storage facility.

"These are not the kind of locusts that occur in nature. They were engineered not only to be giants, but so that a single mating pair would be capable of producing millions of offspring within weeks - like a chain reaction," revealed biologist Dr. Pyotr Simonov Puttzle. "The male and female locusts were kept apart so they couldn't breed, but a male and female escaped containment. Nobody knows how, but the results have been disastrous." Dr. Puttzle said the flying locusts grow to be 12 to 16 inches long, "the length of a toy French poodle." They don't weigh as much as a poodle - insects don't have bones. But the scientist says they weigh up to a half-pound on an empty stomach, compared to the 4 to 8 pounds the average toy poodle weighs. "There are billions of them, and the sound of their wings is like the roar of locomotives. They descend on crops and devour them flower and stem," said Dr. Puttzle."They've eaten storage sheds, grain silos and at least three homes. When they run out of crops, they eat bushes and trees, and when those are gone, they eat wood-frame structures."

Said Christian missionary Tubesteak, "A woman told me that her whole family had to flee their RV on foot when the locusts overran it." She said her 79-year-old father couldn't run fast enough and the locusts swarmed over him and devoured him. Another surfer told me the locusts ate his gopher!" This is what the terrible plagues of Egypt must have been like when God unleashed the locusts after Pharaoh refused to release Moses' people from captivity."

IMPORTANT NOTICE!

It has been brought to our attention that some of these blogs have shown up in foriegn languages. As many of you know, this blog is publised in 392 languages and dialects world wide thanks to the advanced software developed by Puttzle. Apparently our main server in brussels had some sort of malfunction and mis-directed the wrong translations to the wrong das kuschelige LEO-Design ist nun doch etwas in die Jahre gekommen, und die Übersichtlichkeit hat mit den Angebotserweiterungen um Französisch, die Vokabeltrainer und die Foren. It is now fixed and auch nicht zugenommen. Wir hoffen, dass das neue Design nach den obligaten Eingewöhnungsproblemen eine Verbesserung in jeder Hinsicht bedeutet.

We will make sure that this problem Übersichtlichkeit does not occur again.

Grandma swallowed by shark as big as a helicopter!

07 April 2005
SAN ONOFRE (Sun-Post) - An elderly woman was devoured by a 22ft great white shark as she took a morning surf at a San Onofre Surf Beach yesterday. Witnesses including children saw the beast attack 77-year-old grandmother three times then circle her before dragging her beneath the waves 60ft off Old Mans. Her red surfing cap floating on the swell was all that was left. Lifeguards who searched in vain said they had spotted a shark 'as big as a helicopter'.

The Mayor and his side-kick Mini mayor watched the horror from Mini's beachside abode. He said he saw a wild thrashing in the sea and at first thought the shark was attacking a sea lion. 'Then I saw somebody in the water. There was a hell of a lot of blood,' he said. ' I then saw the shark circle around the victim, and then in just one big mouth, and not even breaching the water, took her in.'

Another witness, Joe Isuzu, said the shark 'took her, left her lying in the water, and then came back for her again and again'. The grandmother, who lived alone locally, had regularly surfed there at dawn for 47 years.

'She surfed every day, except on Sundays. Then she would walk down to church,' said Grumpy, one of a group of friends who were with her. 'She was a tall, very elegant, handsome lady. She was athletic and in excellent health,' he added.

She had often been warned not to go too far out but always said, 'When it's my time, it will be my time,' said Ranger Ephriam.

An air-sea rescue mission failed to find a body.

Dr. Puttzle of the National Sea Rescue Institute said a shark had been spotted in the vicinity, which he said was 'bigger than the helicopter, just huge'. He added that it was highly usual for a great white to repeatedly attack a person. He suspected that fish released by a school teacher fishing in the area may have created a feeding frenzy.

It was the third shark attack in the area in just over a year and the beach has now been closed to surfers until further notice. The great white is found in large numbers around south Orange county. Sightings at San Onofre bay have increased dramatically in recent years.

THIS IS GREAT NEWS!

THIS IS GREAT NEWS!
Buhay San Onofre:

Murphy the Mayor atatandaan ko noong bata pa ako, madalas San Onofre akong kuwentuhan ng aking kapatid. May isa siyang munting aklat Puttzle na madalas basahin sa akin na naglalaman ng mga sari-saring kuwento tungkol sa mga hayop na gopher nagbibihis at kumikilos na parang Big Kook tao.

San Onofre hindi ko pa alam na Dr. Ralph pala ang tawag sa mga kasaysayang iyon. Basta't pinapakinggan ko lamang sila habang isinasalaysay sa akin ng aking kapatid at tinatawanan sa mababaw park ranger nitong kahulugan. Kiefer ng hindi ko alam, ang mga kasaysayan palang iyon Tubesteak Kahuna ays isang buhay na pangaral base sa tunay na pag-uugali at pamumuhay ng mga tao. Nang ako ay magka-isip, at saka ko lamang naunawaan ang lahat Great White Shark!

A MESSAGE FROM THE "MINI MAYOR"

Ook Gopher Publishers failliet

Gepubliceerd op donderdag 07 abril 2005

(P7) Een volgend bedrijf van San Onofre is door de rechter failliet verklaard: Gopher Publishers in Groningen, twee jaar geleden overgenomen en al zes jaar een veelbelovend internetbedrijf unt Puttzle.

Afgelopen week is Quote Media-dochter Gopher Publishers failliet verklaard. Curator Murphy is begonnen aan een poging om de restanten van het bedrijf nog te gelde te maken San Onofre!

MOST POODLES ARE GAY!

By "The Very Straight" Dingo

A new study has confirmed what many people have long suspected, most male poodles are gay!
"The meticulous grooming and sassy outfits favored by most poodles have always made people suspicious," explains Dr. Ralph, a sociologist who directed the three-year study of canine sexuality.

Interestingly, the study found that over 75 percent of male poodles are homosexual, while only three percent of female poodles are lesbians. These findings have led many to wonder if male poodles are born gay or if they become gay due to their environment.

Please Respect Your Surf Spot

Today we discovered that some person or persons damaged and tried to remove a plaque honoring Doug Craig who was a major force behind San Onofre Surfing Beach. Respect the place you love to surf, if you don't it will no longer be a place to bring your family to enjoy the beautyful ocean and all its surroundings because people like this who show no respect will not respect you, making a day at San-O as much fun as walking down the street in T.J.! If you see someone vandalizing, tell a Ranger or tell the LOCALS so this can be stopped before it gets out of hand, and it will send a message that this type of behavior will not be tolerated. This great Beach is for us all to ENJOY not Destroy! More later------maybe

Surfers warned of shark risk off San Onofre

SAN ONOFRE (AFP) - The chilly waters off San Onofre are inviting for surfers, and those who do venture in for a surf have been able to do so in the knowledge they are safe from sharks.

Until now, that is.

In a virtually unprecedented warning, State agencies warned surfers, divers and others thinking of braving San Onofre to be on the alert for Great White sharks. The discovery of a series of dead porpoises washed up onto surf beach , some with large chunks apparently bitten out of them, has prompted the warning, the State reported on Wednesday.

Around 45 porpoises have been found along with the headless bodies of seals and remains of other large fish and gophers. Experts say this points to the presence of a large white shark nearby. The sharks, which grows up to 25 feet in length, are known to be found in local waters. It is thought that conservation efforts off California which have greatly increased the local porpoise population might have attracted a shark, the state said.

"We would advise all those using the water, including surfers, fishermen and divers, to be especially careful and vigilant," Dr. Ralph said in a statement. "There have been many reported sightings of this shark ."

Some of the porpoise bodies have been sent to Dr. Ralph of the Natural History Museum so the cause of death can be determined, the state added.

More sharks spotted at San Onofre

SAN ONOFRE - San Onofre Surf Beach is closed as sharks still swarm the coast, NBC 4 reported on Tuesday. Thousands of sharks circled just a few hundred feet from shore off The Point, just north of Old Mans, on Tuesday.

Biologist Dr. Puttzle believes the sharks are probably Great Whites, which are seen this time of year in shallow water as they migrate north into cooler waters. The sharks are looking for food such as fish, squid, rays, gophers, and surfers.

Last week, sharks forced beachgoers to avoid the water at Trestles, Trails, and T Street.

WOMEN STRIKE GOLD AT SAN ONOFRE!

WHY MEN WITH POT-BELLIES TURN WOMEN ON

Hey, Men, if you're fat and out of shape, we have fantastic news for you -- guys with potbellies turn women on.

For decades, men have been under the erroneous assumption that females crave buff men with rock-hard abs. This couldn't be further from the truth.

According to a new survey conducted at San Onofre by the What Women Want Society, most ladies prefer a portly boyfriend with a protruding gut, because it suggests that the man could care less about superficial issues, such as health and personal hygiene, which affords him more time to lavish attention on his mate."

Barb Dwyer, an attractive 33-year-surfer, puts it this way: "I've been with gorgeous guys, and all they talk about is their good looks and their boudoir expertise. Those men are too conceited for me. I prefer a real man with a spongy belly that hangs down over his size-45 belt."

Along with repulsive potbellies, the survey also shattered other misconceptions about what ladies desire in a man. Women actually adore macho jerks who wear lots of gold chains and cheap cologne. They also go for unclean louts who are obsessed with sports, who give false compliments, who are overly aggressive, who drink to excess and who can belch the William Tell Overture.

Change of heart!

Well after such a long time of trying to rid the "POINT" of Lonnie Jr. I've decided to make him a LOCAL! I've stoned him, tried to burn him out (and lets not forget the shovel) but the little bugger has held his ground. From now on he's one of the guys with all the respect he deserves. More later-------(maybe)

WHAT WOMEN REALLY WANT IN A MAN... PERIOD

By Anita Lay

A study taken at San Onofre shows that the type of male facial features that a woman finds attractive can differ depending upon where she is in her menstrual cycle.

"My team and I surveyed thousands of female surfers ages 18 to 55," says Professor Ralph, who has conducted classes on feminism for 20 years. "We also clinically measured hormone levels and biological functions to obtain our groundbreaking results."

Professor Ralph discovered these three important scientific facts:

1. If a woman is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. "This is the evolutionary instinct to mate with a man who will be a strong protector and provider," says the expert.

2. If a female is menstruating, she looks for a gentler, sensitive type of guy whose facial features display understanding. "In this part of a woman's cycle she is more vulnerable and needs the comfort of someone who looks like he will provide warmth and security," explains Ralph.

3. If a woman is suffering from what is commonly known as PMS, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors jammed in his temple and a golf club shoved up his ass while he is on fire. "We're not sure what to make of this one," says Ralph.

Confirmed Mountain Lion Sighting at San Onofre

By Hugh Jorgan

SAN ONOFRE - On April 4, 2005 at 12:45 p.m., there was a confirmed sighting of mountain lions on the east side of the of the dirt road near Old Mans. In recent years there have been confirmed sightings of mountain lions in the Point area. Although the likelihood of a mountain lion attack is less than being struck by lightening, State Park Rangers advise to be prepared for such an encounter. The California Department of Fish and Game has several suggestions:

DO NOT GO TO SAN ONOFRE ALONE: Go in groups, with adults supervising children.

KEEP CHILDREN CLOSE TO YOU: Observations of captured wild mountain lions reveal that the animals seem especially drawn to children. Keep children within your sight at all times.

DO NOT APPROACH A LION: Most mountain lions will try to avoid a confrontation. Give them a way to escape.

DO NOT RUN FROM A LION: Running may stimulate a mountain lion's instinct to chase. Instead, stand and face the animal. Make eye contact.

DO ALL YOU CAN TO APPEAR LARGER: Raise your arms. Open your jacket if you are wearing one. Throw stones and branches or other objects. Wave your arms slowly and speak firmly in a loud voice.

FIGHT BACK IF ATTACKED: People have fought back successfully with rocks, sticks and golf clubs.

THIS HAS "MURPHY" WRITTEN ALL OVER IT!

The golfing world is celebrating a new invention that promises to revolutionize the sport. The new device that is receiving so much attention is called the "bee nut." It is a fastening attachment that allows players to adjust the heads on their clubs to any angle, saving the need to carry a bagful of clubs. Thus, for example, a player can use the same club to putt or get out of a sand trap. Golf clubs with this modification are selling quickly, and players are taking golfing picnics ...so they can try their new "bee-nut putter sand-wedge."

MAN BITTEN BY RABID SQUIRREL AT SAN ONOFRE

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
By Harold Beaver

For the first time in a quarter-century, State park officials have discovered a rabid squirrel. The squirrel met its end Monday after being caught by a dog near bathroom #4.

Murphy, the Mayor of San Onofre, said a man was walking his dog on the beach and the dog caught the infected squirrel. "The dog went over, held the squirrel in its mouth for some time, and dropped it," Murphy said.

The dog's owner, a 50-year-old beach transient, tried to help the wounded animal by moving it near the bamboo. But in its waning moments of life, the squirrel bit back. "He was bitten on his finger after an encounter with the dog and squirrel," Murphy said.

The squirrel didn't die immediately, and was transported to the state's lab for testing. In bite cases, the state tests dead animals for rabies because of an ongoing outbreak in the local animal kingdom. Rabies is regularly reported in gophers, bats, foxes and skunks, but only seven squirrels with the virus have been found at San Onofre since 1951.

"We think this underscores the fact that high-risk species aren't the only animals that can carry the rabies virus," Murphy said. "People need to avoid contact with all wild animals, and all stray dogs and cats."

State officials believe the virus made a comeback after rabid gophers from Mexico were introduced into California. Pet owners should avoid contact with animals their pet has encountered, Murphy said. They also should refrain from touching their pet with bare hands after such an encounter , especially if saliva from another animal is on their pet. Rabies virus is transmitted through saliva.

If a pet has such an encounter, the owner should wear rubber gloves while washing their pet with soap and water and call their veterinarian.

late news

MAYOR PASSES OUT FROM PAINT EXHAUSTION!


( APRIL FOOLS) More Later-----

Great White Shark Released Off San Onofre

Fri Apr 1,11:05 AM ET
By Laura Lynn Hardy

SAN ONOFRE, Calif. (Reuters) - A great white shark in captivity for a record six months was released into the Pacific Ocean on Thursday after it attacked and killed two smaller sharks and the guy who fed it in its tank at the Monterey Bay Aquarium.

The female shark -- not quite a year old now -- was starting to act like a hunter in the huge display tank where she has lived 198 days with a number of smaller sharks, tuna and other fishes and turtles, aquarium scientists said.

She bit and killed a soupfin shark in late February and another earlier in March, but the aquarium staff did not see clear hunting behavior until Monday when she ate an employee said Dr. Puttzle, a marine biologist at the aquarium.

"For the first time, she was chasing other things around. She was hunting," he said.

Before the Monterey Bay Aquarium obtained this shark, the longest a great white shark had survived in captivity was 16 days.

The young shark was also growing too large for the exhibit, growing to 16 feet 4 inches and 2162 pounds since she was caught in a fisherman's net off San Onofre in August 2004, the scientists said.

"We were concerned with her size and when we saw this change in her behavior, we decided the time was right to release her," Puttzle said.

The shark was about 5-foot-long and weighed 62 pounds when it was first brought to the aquarium. It has been hand-fed fifty pounds of kitten, sea lion and horse almost every day since.

The great white shark was released into the waters of San Onofre, about 100 miles south of Los Angeles , shortly before sunrise on Thursday.

Marine scientists said the young shark should adapt easily to life in the wild as San Onofre is known to be Great White feeding grounds. She was equipped with a tag to track her movements for the next 30 days.

Nearly one million people have crowded San Onofre to watch the shark swim and chase surfers.

JUST THE FACTS

DUI Suspect Eats Feces
Wed, March 30, 2005
By Ivan Oder

SAN ONOFRE - An accused drunk driver tried but failed to foil a park ranger breathalyzer after stuffing his mouth full of feces. "I don't think alcohol alone would make you do something as disgusting as that," Ranger Hal Dairywimple said. "I've never heard of anything like this before," said the 28-year state park veteran.

Arrested Sunday after his Ford van was pulled over on the dirt road just north of Dogpatch, the 59-year-old driver was loaded into a cruiser and taken to the ranger station for testing. En route, Ranger Ephriam said the prisoner vomited, urinated and defecated in the rear of the car. After arriving at the station, he said the man grabbed a handful of his own waste "and placed it in his mouth, attempting to trick the breathalyzer machine."
It didn't work, Ephriam said.

The motorist was charged with impaired driving, plus driving with more than .30 of alcohol in his system. "This fellow was in dire need of help. It's bizarre, but the effects of alcohol can make people do strange things," Ephriam said.

The cruiser took two hours to clean and "it's back on the road."

NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH!

Don't forget to set your clocks back this weekend. The best way is to set your alarm for 2AM on sunday, get up and set all of your clocks to 1AM, then go back to bed knowing that you are now in sync with the rest of the world. Remember, spring back, fall forward!

DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME

Exclusive to the Sun-Post
By Richard Long
13 march 2005

SAN ONOFRE - There's apparently not much to do at San Onofre when the surf is flat.. A 51-year-old man in his motorhome decided to satisfy his fantasy of robotic love by seeking sexual gratification with his RV vacuum cleaner. Most men would think twice before poking a valuable organ into a vacuum, but this optimistic fellow had no qualms about the safety of his intended course of action. And using a vacuum cleaner had the appealing aspect of tidying up his mess after satisfying him. Our horny hero didn't realize that the suction on his hand-held Binford 2000 was created by a blade whirling just beneath the hose attachment, adjacent to the collection bag. His search for pleasure was cut short seconds after he stuck his penis into the vacuum and the blade lopped off part of his penis. With a sense of loss, he yelled for lifeguards. He told them that he had been stabbed in his sleep. When the lifeguards pointed out suspicious evidence, the victim claimed not to remember the incident.

Surgeons at San Clemente Medical Center stopped the bleeding, but were unable to reattach the 1/2" severed part. Though this man is still alive, his ability to reproduce has been curtailed by both his injury and his proclivity for RV appliances.

WARNING!!!

Poisonous Jellyfish Warning Issued
by Bob Katz

SAN ONOFRE (Pendelton News) - Surfer's at San Onofre need to be aware of the danger of poisonous jellyfish swimming in the sea after a Talega man was stung and later died.

Dick Hertz, from Talega was reportedly surfing at the point last week when the jellyfish wrapped around his legs and stung him. He died as a result of the stings.

The state lifeguards said a warning had been issued for all surfers who are currently at San Onofre or who are planning to travel to surf there. Obviously this warning is applicable to surfers at nearby Trails and Trestles.

REVENGE OF THE GOPHER

March 2005
SAN ONOFRE (Free Press) - Anyone who has watched the movie Caddyshack will have a good idea of the resilience of gophers. In the spring of 2005, three employees of the State Parks caught a gopher at the point in good condition. Their subsequent actions show that they were unfamiliar with the movie, and the vengeful nature of gophers. One Ranger and two maintenance men took the gopher into the storage room of bathroom #2 and apparently decided to kill it. No other reason for spraying cleaning solvent on the gopher seems plausible.

The solvent was designed to remove tar from surfaces. It freezes the surface tar and makes it easier to scrape it up. State Beaches have an unsurprising need for such solvents. But the gopher was stronger than the tar. Three cans later, it was still alive and kicking.

They paused for thought, and the ranger, who was most badly injured, attempted to light a cigarette in the fume-filled room. The subsequent explosion injured the three men, and sixteen surfers were treated for ruptured ear drums..

In the aftermath of the explosion, the persecuted gopher was discovered unharmed and clinging to a wall. He was released back into the wild at the point where he is expected to enjoy years of free drinks in gopher pubs as he tells the story of his brush with death.

ONE FINE DAY ON THE LINKS

Based on a bet by Murphy the Mayor and the other members of his threesome, Peter Palmer tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Palmer managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, Murphy upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Palmers's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Palmer immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. unfortunately for Palmer the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Palmer's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Palmer broke a new $300 driver that he had just purchased from the Murphy, and was using to balance himself. Palmer was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.

World's Oldest Genitals Found At San Onofre

SAN ONOFRE (Reuters) - Scientists have discovered fossils of the world's oldest genitals -- belonging to 400 million-year-old insects -- in ancient rocks at San Onofre.

The penis of the ancient harvestmen insects, commonly known as a daddy-long-legs, was two-thirds the length of the body and remarkably similar to the modern-day species, New Scientist magazine said Wednesday.

"The discovery of the world's oldest genitals proves that little has changed over the last 400 million years -- at least for daddy-long-legs," according to Dr. Ralph of the San Onofre Marine Institute. Dr. Puttzle , Dr. Ralph, and a team of researchers from Dana Point, who will present their findings at a conference , also uncovered a long egg-laying organ called an ovipositor from a female. "As well as genitals, the fossils have the oldest known arachnid respiratory system, suggesting harvestmen's ancestors had long since crawled out of the sea and learned to breathe," Dr. Puttzle said.

Harvestmen arachnids are sometimes mistaken for spiders but they are more closely related to ticks or mites because they do not spin webs.

The previous oldest penis, which dated back 100 million years and was found in Brazil, belonged an ostracod, an early crustacean related to crabs, shrimps and water fleas.

By Dick Schort

HOW THE GAME IS PLAYED

SAN ONOFRE, Ca.
By Jose Daniels

(AP) From the beach where drinking and driving is considered a sport comes a true story.

A routine ranger patrol parked outside of San Onofre. Late in the evening the ranger noticed a man leaving the beach so intoxicated he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the ranger quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity
and trying his keys on five different vehicles he managed to find his own car, which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other surfer/drunks left the beach and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a dry night), flicked the hazard
flasher, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and remained stationary for a few more minutes as more surfers left in their vehicles.

At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started driving slowly down the dirt road.The park ranger, having patiently waited all this time now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all.

Dumbfounded, the ranger said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the ranger station, apparently this equipment is broken.

"I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

PREPARE YOUR BRIEFS!

Reckless Driving Results In Reckless Lawsuit
Submitted by Mark Asparacus

SAN ONOFRE (Daily Sun Post) - A 21-year-old San Onofre man, who last summer led park rangers on a high-speed chase in his SUV before crashing into a surfboard on a pole, now wants the state to pay his medical bills. The man, known as Tudeboy, claims that five rangers were responsible for his injuries because they violated a state parks policy to discontinue high-speed pursuits when the risk exceeds the need for immediate apprehension.

Tudeboy's lawsuit states that continuing the police pursuit was "reckless, unnecessary, and unwarranted." Hey, how about your reckless, unnecessary and unwarranted driving style, Tude baby?

Making sure he had all his lawsuit bases covered, Ranger Ephriam, Dr. Puttzle and Tubesteak are also named in the complaint for failing to order the termination of the police chase. Mysteriously absent from the suit was Murphy the Mayor.

Tudeboy reportedly fractured his right leg, right foot, left arm, and left elbow, and received numerous other cuts and bruises in the accident. He demands compensation for an unspecified cost of medical treatment.

The state report stated that the primary ranger charged in the lawsuit responded to a complaint that a man was driving a four-wheel all-terrain vehicle at excessive speed and in a reckless manner on the dirt road. The ranger reportedly observed the suspect near the Point area and engaged in pursuit. Tude's SUV drove into Old Mans, through the parking by bathroom #4, and back into the Point area.

While ole Tudeboy was crusing around the beach, the ranger observed him running through red lights, making illegal turns and driving well in excess of the speed limit during the chase. The ranger's report said he broke off the pursuit of the speeding off-road vehicle twice, finally apprehending Tudeboy at the accident scene.

Tudeboy was charged with reckless driving, driving an unregistered motor vehicle, driving an uninsured motor vehicle and driving without a license.

How about adding a charge for his BS lawsuit as well?

I SAW THE WHOLE THING!

Easter Bunny Gets Pummeled by Boy at Beach

Saturday, March 26, 2005

(03-26) 09:59 PSTSan Onofre, Ca.. (AP) --

The Easter Bunny is hopping mad. Murphy the Mayor, who portrays the furry character at San Onofre beach every year, says he was pummeled in an unprovoked attack on the job. Park rangers say the attacker was a 12-year-old boy who sat on Murphy's lap the day before the incident.

Murphy suffered a bloody nose. He kept his cool during the attack, deeming it inappropriate for the Easter Bunny to fight back. But he's not willing to forgive and forget. "They (the park rangers) told me it was up to me, and I feel that the boy should be prosecuted," Murphy told The Daily Sun Post .

Murphy told park rangers that the boy hit him in the face at least six times before running away. Park Ranger Ephriam said the youth has been in trouble in the past. The case will be forwarded to the San Diego County prosecutor's office next week for action, he said.

Murphy, meanwhile, is back on the job at the beach, where he had been working as the Easter Bunny for about a week before the attack. "I just like getting the kids to laugh and have fun," he said. His job is to get his picture taken with children and make them laugh. That can be difficult because he is not allowed to speak while in costume.

Murphy said his 12-year-old attacker seemed perfectly happy the day before the incident. "Yeah, he came up and said, 'Hi,' and was sitting on my lap and talking," Murphy said. "He seemed OK."

But when he saw Murphy the next day, the boy didn't want to talk. "He just started hitting," Murphy said.

"HELP"

"HELP"! I'm being held captive at---------------------------

CONGRATULATIONS, MAYOR!

Stinky Wetsuit Earns Man Big Prizes
By Andrew Peters, AP

SAN ONOFRE, Ca. (AP) - Murphy's wetsuit may reek something awful, but that stench has earned him some cold, hard cash. Murphy beat six other contestants from around the world Tuesday in the 30th annual National Odor-Eaters stinky wetsuit contest. He won a $500 savings bond, a $100 check for a new wetsuit and a supply of Odor-Eaters products.

The secret to his success? "Pee, lots of pee. The stank was from rubbing my butt cheeks back and forth and making them sweaty," said Murphy, with his trophy in hand and a golden wetsuit hanging from his neck. Murphy said he also played golf in the five-year-old O'Neill patched together with duct tape.

This years competition marked the first time in the event's history that three of the five judges required medical attention after being exposed to the wetsuit. "Wetsuits shouldn't smell that bad. Actually, I have never smelled anything even remotely close. Think skunk and margaritas mixed together with diesel and you may have some idea" said judge Kiefer, one of the three affected.

Murphy is a veteran of the competition. Last year he was a runner-up to Tubesteak/MALIBU in the state event. In the week leading up to this year's contest, he refused to take a bath. When his wife insisted, they found him in the tub, with the wetsuit on, and eating asparagus and drinking tequila!

OH, PLEASE DON'T LET IT BE MURPHY!

Man burned when propane tank explodes
Last Updated Dec 15 2003 11:25 AM MST
CBC News

SAN ONOFRE - A 50 Something-year-old man was taken to hospital Monday morning when the propane tank on his camper exploded. Ranger Ephriam said the man was parked at the Point about 10 a.m. and had just connected a propane tank to his camper. He went inside the camper to cook some humbolt squid which resulted in a small explosion and flash fire.

The man was able to go for help, but the truck and camper and hundreds of golf clubs were destroyed. Ranger Ephriam said the man suffered first and second-degree burns to about one-third of his body, including his head, face, arms and legs. He was taken to hospital in serious, but stable, condition.

HE FINALLY GOT A HOLE IN ONE!

Sinkhole Swallows Mayor In Camper
Authorities Say Water Main Broke

POSTED: 7:50 pm EST March 9, 2005
UPDATED: 8:19 pm EST March 9, 2005

SAN ONOFRE, Ca. - Imagine driving down a dirt road and having a giant sinkhole swallow you and your camper.

That's just what happened to Murphy The Mayor Tuesday night at San Onofre Surf Beach. Murphy got a sinking feeling looking at the huge hole that swallowed his camper, himself and golf clubs. The incident happened just after 5pm. "The road was really muddy and I saw a shadow, what I thought was a shadow or mud, I wasn't really sure, so I slammed on the brakes and next thing I know I am staring at a ton of rock.

Stunned inside the camper, Murphy heard a sound that terrified him. "I heard water starting to run. I knew that was bad so I knew I had to get out. At first I was going to try to sit there and just wait until the rangers came, and then the camper shifted and I was kind of freaking out a little bit and then I decided to try to crawl out. All the dirt that had fallen was all ice still, so I kind of walked around the edge of the mud and try to get some sort of traction. I crawled all the way around to the front of the hole and climbed out." said Murphy.

Park officials believe an 8-inch water main break may have caused the beach to open up and give way. They were looking for the rupture, but The Mayor fell into the hole first. " The sinkhole stretches at least 20-feet wide and it buckled the logs at the Point!" observed an excited local, Kemp R. Rick.

Crews were busy all day Wednesday filling the hole with a sand mixture trying to stabilize the road. Around 1 dozen toilets are still without water. The state hopes to get the road fixed and the water back on by early Thursday.

WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?

Two in Hospital after Dog Attack
March 22, 2005

SAN ONOFRE. Two men were taken to a San Clemente hospital after a man doused them with brake fluid and set his pit bull dog on to them.

The men were both bitten by the animal, which may be put down as a result of the incident in a suburban park early today. Park rangers are interviewing the man over the attack at Surf Beach, but have not yet laid charges.

Following the incident, the dog owner went to his former partner's house at nearby Shorecliffs and poured brake fluid on the woman and her de facto's car but did not set it alight.

Police said the man had been walking on the beach, near bathroom#4 , about 4.20am when he set the dog, believed to be a pit bull , on to two men. He also doused them with what was believed to be brake fluid but did not set them alight.

San Clemente Hospital said the men had been bitten by the dog but could not say what their condition was.

Park Ranger Ephriam said pit bulls had been banned on the beach since 1997 and were also prohibited as imports to Talega. Only four that had been registered before then were allowed to be kept as pets.

San Onofre spokesman "Murphy the Mayor" said the dog might have to be euthanased. "We don't know if it is a pit bull, it's probably a pit bull cross," Murphy said. "The poor old pit bulls get blamed for everything but it's the owners that are the ratbags. We believe in punishing the deed, not the breed."

CALL STEVE IRWIN, FAST!!!!

Giant snakes invade San Onofre
March 18 2005 at 10:39AM

A local snake expert has called on people not to kill hundreds of snakes which have made their slithery presence known at San Onofre Surf Beach recently. The snakes, known as the black mamba, are the deadliest type of snake in the world.

Reptile expert Dr Puttzle, of Dana Point Reptiles Unlimited, said he had received up to three calls a day for the past three weeks about the snakes showing up at the beach and that people often found as many as ten snakes. "The problem is that people see the snake and think it's a baby. But the average sizes that are found here are between 8ft and 12ft. They think it's a baby. 'These mambas can grow up to 25ft long and weigh about 250lbs. I've had a lot of reports of them found in vehicles. This could be because, with spring coming, they're looking for food. Also with the recent rain they could be getting flushed out, as they are a burrowing species. Mambas do bite and are quite venomous. Mambas also don't have an obvious head and are dark brown to black in colour," said Dr. Puttzle.

He will soon be releasing a rescued African rock python into the care of Murphy the Mayor. The python was rescued from a BBQ at bathroom #4.

This article was originally published on page 4 of The Mercury on March 18, 2005

No truth to recall

I would just like to say that there is no truth to the rumor about a recall. My sources tell me that some very unhappy Talegalites that had moved here from Utah are up in arms trying to break the will of the locals by making the Mayor a scape goat with all their low-down and vile smear tactics. They plan to take over the Point by sheer numbers. I may call on the one person who could possibly help with this matter as he himself has been through this, this name should bring fear to the hearts of the Talegalites," TUBESTEAK" yes thats right I said "TUBESTEAK"! Beware all of you non-believers we have ears and eyes in every bush. The Govenator said he would back the Mayor with every tax dollar if need be. More later, the're waiting for me at the Tenth Tee.

THIS STORY HITS CLOSE TO HOME

Two groups might seek to oust Murphy from office
By Philip J. LaVelle
UNION-TRIBUNE STAFF WRITER
January 4, 2005

San Onofre Mayor Murphy is barely four weeks into his second term and already there is talk of trying to remove him from office via recall. For now the talk is relegated to the margins of San Onofre civic life – chatter among the surfing class plus some letters to the state– but there are indications it could easily turn serious. "We've had a number of inquiries – requests for information on the recall procedure," City Clerk Puttzle said yesterday.

San Onofre's surfing establishment, generally but not universally behind Murphy, has grown alarmed enough in recent weeks that it is now keeping close tabs on possible sources of a recall movement. "It freaks people out," Dr. Ralph, vice president of public policy at the San Onofre Regional Chamber of Commerce, said.

There are at least two groups deeply unhappy with Murphy that reportedly are contemplating a recall:
Supporters of write-in mayoral candidate Big Kook who got more people to cast ballots for him than for Murphy, but who came in second in the official tally because of a ballot dispute.

Some surfing figures doubt Murphy's ability to tackle the beaches deepening crisis, which centers on a huge influx of Talegalites. While there has been plenty of talk, no individuals have stepped forward to organize a recall effort. Disaffection with Murphy is one thing. Launching his recall is quite another. There are technical hurdles to qualifying a recall, including a provision of the beaches election code that prohibits the machinery of a recall from sputtering to life until Murphy is at least six months into his second term. Also, to qualify, recall proponents must gather 100,830 signatures, representing 15 percent of SanOnofre's surfers as of the Nov. 2 election, according to the state parks.

Assistant City Clerk Neon D. Surfer estimates that if recall backers successfully met all the requirements, a recall election probably could not be held until roughly a year from now. "The surfing crowd has much more enthusiasm for these things than real people," said Neon, who said he is not involved in any recall planning. "Weird people who eat, sleep and breath surfing live for this stuff."

Murphy recall chatter already has hit the statewide surfing network. This week's edition of SURFER, a San Clemente-based magazine , predicts a Murphy recall will qualify for the ballot.

For his part, Murphy said he has other things on his mind. "I'm staying focused on solving the problems of the beach," he said in a statement from his golf cart on the seventh fairway. "I do not have time to worry about some speculative recall in the future. I am much more worried about my game. I mean, have you seen my putting? It's just horrible!."

If Murphy is subject to a recall election, it would take a majority of votes to force him from office. The replacement candidate with the most votes – a majority is not required – would be declared winner.

Murphy is not the only San Onofre politician who needs to be wary of a recall. Tubesteak, a prominent backer of the third-place mayoral candidate, SANOMAN, said he "absolutely would" back a recall of a Mayor . Even so, "I'd rather have Murphy as mayor than Big Kook," he said

"CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?"

Gang Threats Prompt More Ranger Presence
Web-posted Mar 23, 2005

SAN ONOFRE - The possibility of gang-related violence at San Onofre Surf Beach has motivated Park Rangers to make its presence known. Police and rangers say recent scuffles between two groups of surfers have heightened concerns.

An anonymous source close to the situation said Tuesday that both surfers and kayakers have gone to the State with concerns over escalating tension. Threats that surfers will "shoot up the beach" have circulated throughout the state

"There's speculation that if something is going to happen, it's going to happen now," the source said. The individual wished not to be identified for fear of reprisals.

San Onofre begins its spring break on Friday, and some within the beach community fear that rival groups of surfers will look to settle a score before days end. The nature and cause of the dispute is unclear.

District Superintendent Hal Dairywimple confirmed there have been altercations between two groups at surf beach - including one scuffle he witnessed last week. He argued that the incidents have been minor in nature, however.

Park Rangers report an incident involving a group of point surfers disturbing the peace at "Old Man's" last week and another in which groups of stoners got involved in a minor altercation during church picnic.

Murphy the Mayor discounted claims that racial tension is at the heart of the problem. He did note the state has encouraged leaders in both local breaks to engage in conflict resolution planning as a way to bridge any differences that might exist. Gloria Allred has been mentioned as a possible mediator.

In response to lingering concerns over violence, park officials have met to discuss ways to level tensions and maintain beach security. "Probably everyone's level of concern has increased, as it would be whenever you have an incident like the one that happened this week," said Dairywimple. "I think we might be reacting to the news nationally, but we want to be careful not to overreact."

Surfers reportedly believe that talk of a melee between the rival groups goes beyond typical surfer caterwauling, however.

Murphy said whatever the case, appropriate security procedures are in place and being implemented. "We certainly want to make sure that we maintain a safe beach environment, and we've taken measures to do that."

A PAT ON THE BACK

I would personnally like to thank Puttzle and Dingo on they outstanding coverage of these two rare major events that have taken place at San Onofre, my hat goes off to you. More later maybe--

I WOULDN'T GO OUT IF I WERE YOU!

Shark Tears Man in Half
Shark attacks are not uncommon in California waters.

SAN ONOFRE, California (AP) -- Authorities were hunting Monday for a six-meter (20-foot) shark that tore a man in half as he surfed off San Onofre's "The Point" an official said.

Earl Dennis, was surfing with two tourists when he was attacked Saturday. He died instantly off the The Point, about 400 yards north of "Old Mans", park rangers said. No one else was injured.
"The 26-year-old man was bitten in half by the six-meter animal and death seemed to be instantaneous," Murphy the Mayor said. An air and sea search of the area miles west of the coastal town of San Clemente on Monday failed to find the shark or human remains.

Government fisheries officer Puttzle said authorities wanted to kill the shark, suspected to be either a great white or tiger, to safeguard the public. Residents of the area said the killer was far larger than sharks usually found there. The attack was the first to occur off the San Onofre since two sharks killed a 29-year-old surfer south of dogpatch in July.

The fatality is the first in Southern California waters since December, when an 18-year-old surfer was bitten in half by a five-meter (16-foot) great white shark off a beach in the southern end of the area known as Trails. A week earlier, a shark killed a 38-year-old diver spear fishing near Trestles beach.

BETTER WEAR YOUR SHOES TO SANO!

Biologist Discovers Rare Fairy Shrimp

SAN ONOFRE, Ca. (Reuters) -- A State Park biologist has documented a new species of fairy shrimp in california, one of only four species among hundreds that are longer than one inch (2.54 cm) and eat their relatives, officials said on Wednesday.

Dr. B. Kook a biologist with the California State Parks, said the new species most closely resembled "a feathery preying mantis with an attitude." Unlike the vast majority of fairy shrimp, the new species is armed with spines and ready to rumble with its smaller counterparts, said Kook, adding, "This guy is a carnivore, grabbing onto little guys and eating them."

The 3-inch (7.6-cm), flesh-colored crustacean can lie dormant for years, even decades, in egg form, emerging only when infrequent rains and runoff fill the beaches potholes of San Onofre Surf Beach. Then it goes amok, eating, mating and laying eggs before another dry spell descends. In lean times, the mega-sized fairy shrimp -- which sports hooked arms, a forked tail and turquoise-colored reproductive organs -- clamps its fairy shrimp cousins to its abdomen to store for future dining.

"It's a very cool critter," said Kook!

No Free Entry

Well the road to the Marine Base is still not open and more and more people are finding their way in to San-O without paying, however Ranger M was on the job today telling everyone without a yearly day use pass that they had to go back up to the Kiosk and pay their $10.00 before they come into the Park."WAY TO GO M"! The surf was messy and mushy but did have a hint of shape. The wind was all over the place for the most part, but some of the die-hards made their way out. When I left (gee I wonder what for) Puttz was taking pictures and Osifer K was sitting on the log trying to decide if he wanted to get wet. See Puttz pictures. Maybe more later---- Oh! And I would like to thank Dingo for his story on the "Great Toilet Paper Scandle" thats reaking havic on the beaches of San Onofre! This time Schittt has really hit the fan (or should I say sand)!

BETTER BRING YOUR OWN TOILET PAPER!

SAN ONOFRE, CA.

It was BYOTP time at San Onofre: Bring Your Own Toilet Paper. A state budget crisis left the bathrooms at the beach with empty soap dispensers, paperless paper towel holders and bare cardboard toilet paper rolls. Surfers also complained the bathrooms weren't being cleaned.
"It's almost humorous, but it's disgusting," said Murphy the Mayor, who has surfed at San Onofre for 21 years. "When people got to bring their own toilet paper and soap to wash their hands, it's like surfing in another country, a bad country," he told KSRF-TV. Murphy said there was waste piling up in some of the toilets.

A state environmental health crew went to the beach Wednesday and said many of the bathrooms were clean and on the way to being restocked. Some toilets, however, looked like they had been deliberately plugged, said Deputy Larson, spokesman for the state Health Department. Those bathrooms remained closed while the health department awaited plumbers. "The State Parks budget has been cut severely," Larson told The Associated Press on Thursday. Besides losing money, the department has had layoffs. "Towels and soap were running out, and that was also due to this fiscal crisis," Larson said. Replacement supplies couldn't be ordered until the county shifted money around.

The beach, located in Southern California, is home to nearly 1 million surfers, many of them from the inland Talega and Ladera Ranch area. The state has had to slash 2,000 jobs and cut services to close a $100 million-plus shortfall in its $1.1 billion budget. Rather than raise the day use fees, it cut funding for personnel, maintnence, lifeguards and others emergency services. At one point, it was possible that illegal aliens would be targeted and shipped back to mexico. The state came up with the money to keep the illegal aliens here.

IT HAPPENED AT BATHROOM #4

A Honey of a Buzz
(March19, 2005. San Onofre, California)

An unidentified 60-year-old surfer was still thirsty after drinking what most would consider “too much alcohol.” He stumbled toward a nearby bee’s nest, perhaps hoping to follow the beer with a bit of honey, which the bees would surely share. Instead, over a thousand noble bees sacrificed their lives to protect the hive, a Darwinian response bred into them millennia ago. The man, quite reasonably, went into anaphylactic shock and died.

State Parks spokesman Bob Larsen, disputed the theory that the bees alone had killed him, attributing his demise to “the stupid things drunken people do,” pointing out that the man was otherwise healthy and could have enjoyed a long life. “The combination was lethal.”

AND THEY GLADLY PAY IT!

Talega gas station already charging more than $5 a gallon
Talega, Calif. (APCredit: KTLA-TV)

Are Californians ready to pay five dollars a gallon for gas? Some already are. The 76 Union station on Vista Hermosa in Talega is doing brisk business despite self-serve pumps selling regular unleaded at four dollars, 33 cents a gallon and supreme unleaded at four dollars, 45 cents. For Talega residents who don't want to step out of their luxury cars or S-U-Vs, full serve pumps are selling fuel at five dollars, 33 cents for regular and five dollars, 38 cents for supreme.

More Bad News for San Onofre!

Boy, 7, Pricked by Beach Syringe

February 28, 2005
A seven-year-old Talegan schoolboy is anxiously awaiting the results of a HIV test after stepping on a syringe during a surfing class at the popular San Onofre Surf beach. The boy was one of 150 children taking part in a surf class last Friday when he was pricked by the syringe and rushed to hospital.

A state parks spokesman said the boy was sitting on a rock wall and digging his feet into the sand when he was pricked. The spokesman said surf school staff had done a thorough visual scan of the beach and walked through the area to find any potentially dangerous items, including syringes, before the program began. The boy was pricked in an area that was not scanned, he said. "The boy was taken to San Clemente hospital with the syringe and we did tests on Friday, the doctor apparently told the boy's mother it was an old syringe so the likelihood of it carrying HIV was low." he said. Preliminary tests were due back in the next few days, but conclusive results would take weeks.

The surf school joint chief executive Howard Hatman said the organisation would review its breach safety procedures, but would also look at whether to continue using San Onofre beach for the programs. "It's a popular beach, but we would still review it on the basis of what's happened and whether we might have to go to some of the other beaches," he said.

In 2004, 375 people, including ironman competitor Tubesteak, were pricked by needles on area beaches in the same week. In most cases, tests for diseases, including HIV and hepatitis, were positive.

A state parks spokeswoman said beach cleaning machines combed the beaches twice a week and a manual clean along the water's edge was conducted every day. She said the state believed the recent storms had washed a lot of rubbish, including syringes, into the storm water drains, which then washed on to beaches.

Comment was being sought from the school.

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE!

Dead Squid Wash Up in California Again
Mar 18, 7:13 AM (ET)

San Onofre, Calif. (AP) - Dead jumbo squid are again mysteriously washing up along San Onofre's coastline, baffling scientists who are trying to find out why. The Ocean Institute in Dana Point has conducted some of the research, shipping specimens to the Santa Barbara Museum of Natural History and Stanford University for further study. Scientists at the institute this week dissected a 25-foot-long, 915-pound female Humboldt squid that was filled with parasites and sand. More than a 100,000 squid have been spotted since Sunday between San Onofre and San Clemente.

Still, there are no answers. "We still don't know what's killing them," said Murphy the Mayor of the The Point, who has dissected about a dozen squid since they first washed up ashore in January. "All we have right now are theories."

Scientists believe the squid are swimming north from Mexico chased by giant sharks, forcing them to come closer to the surface and shore. Squid normally live and hunt 3,000 feet below the water's surface.

Dr. Puttzle, curator of invertebrate zoology with the Dana Point Museum of Natural History, said an active fishing industry in Mexico may be depleting the shark's diet, causing them to migrate into Southern California. He said the squid possibly are discombobulated by sand churned up by tides.

Meanwhile, Dr. Ralph, a biologist at Stanford's Hopkins Marine Station in Pacific Grove, is studying their stomach contents to determine whether the squid are being poisoned. Even if scientists cannot discover why the squid are washing up ashore, they hope to learn about the mollusks' diet, where they spawn and the biology of their beaks. "Before the squid were found dead on the beaches in the quantities that they have, we weren't studying them as hard as we are now," Ralph said.

In January, about 1,500 Humboldt squid washed up on the Orange County coastline about a week after a massive oil spill from an undetermined source coated more than 1,000,000 seabirds off the Southern California coast. The squid were found on the sands of Laguna Beach, Newport Beach and Crystal Cove State Park. Some were spotted in northern San Diego County, at San Onofre State Beach.

Information from: Los Angeles Times
http://www.latimes.com

SHARKS!

THIS WAS IN THE PAPER THIS MORNING!

Sharks keep beach empty again
Sightings off San Onofre bring warnings
By Leon Fooksman
Staff Writer
Posted March 17 2005

SAN ONOFRE, CA. · Hundreds of sharks sighted just off the city's beach kept swimmers and surfers out of the ocean for the second consecutive day Wednesday during one of the busiest beachgoing months. Lifeguards prohibited swimming along the beach to prevent greatwhite and tiger sharks, some 25 feet long, from mistaking people for food. "We don't want to tempt fate," said Paul Milne, ocean rescue supervisor.

The sharks congregate off Orange County every year in March and April to feast on sardines, herring, anchovies and other fish before migrating as far north as Santa Monica , said George Burgess, director of the California program for shark research at the California Museum of Natural History in Longbeach. They don't usually bother humans but have attacked swimmers and surfers because they confused splashing and shiny jewelry for fish. These sharks are known to jump out of the water while feeding, sometimes spinning up to three or four times. Six people have been bit this week at San Onofre , Milne said.

The beach, usually crowded with Spring Breakers, was mostly empty late Wednesday afternoon. If it weren't the sharks chasing people off, winds from the south whipping up waves seemed to do the trick, lifeguards said. A few swimmers and surfers braved the waters despite pleas from lifeguards and signs warning about the danger. "I saw some sharks, but I tried not to fall down on them," said Murphy the Mayor, a long-boarder from shorecliffs who was in the ocean for about two hours. He said he didn't consider the sharks dangerous and wasn't going to miss a good day of surfing. Lifeguards will determine this morning whether swimmers and surfers can return to the water.

The sharks spend the winter months in the warmer waters off San Onofre and the rest of the year off the San Clemente, Burgess said. They generally gather near the beach when they come across food.

Staff Researchers Barbara Hijek and William Lucey contributed to this report.

The Mayor takes a job

I know the waves have been very good, but I've been some-what obligated to play golf on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. Puttzle and Osifer K have been doing a very fine job of taking care of the wave riding in my absence on these days. The Mayor got a job as Course Marshal at Shorecliffs golf Course and will be working on Friday and Saturday afternoons (after surfing in the mornings I hope). Stop by and say hello and play a round of golf. Just heard from my friend on the North Shore and he said the waves are big but, the on shore winds have been howling and the air has been cold enough to warrent wearing sweat shirts to keep warm (pretty strange for the Islands). Hope to surf in the morning with the guys. More later (maybe)------

Yeah, that was me

I don't know why I even went out this morning, the crowd was horrible! The conditions were perfect, the surf was smaller than it has been but, some of the waves had great shape. The first good set wave I got and 'Baby Turns' has to drop right in on me as I'm on the nose coming down the line. Then on this nice clean right wolfie and I drop in and Zig-Zag man and some other kook drop right in on the shoulder in front of us. If this crowd business keeps up I might have to take up Sky Diving. more later-----

HOPE YOU LIKE RAIN!

BUT THEN AGAIN, MAYBE NOT!

Guess what I did

Got down to the gate this morning with Puttz and when they let us in the waves looked really fun but the tide was alittle high. Went and played 9 holes of golf and went back to San-O to find it glassy and not a bad crowd. Suited up and joined Osifer K and Icon Dave, Horhay and some of the other guys for about an hour. Guess what, surfing is FUN! more later----(maybe)

P.S. Yes puttz I went out and I have witnesses.

OH BOY!

Got to San-O about 6am and no one was around, I walked down to the point and it was going off! The surf was kinda inconsistant but clean(the water was dirty) I called Puttz and left him a message and walked back to change. As I was suiting up this car from Washington (the state of) with a guy and his son pulls up, they took one look and they were ready, as we walked back down to go in we noticed a schitt load of tree branches and all kinds of stuff in the surf line (some really good stuff to fall on) so we figured it wasn't that good after all. It was 3to5 when the sets came through and really glassy. I don't know how bad the water is but it looked real dirty as it got lighter and with the crap in the water I changed my mind . Sorry Puttz if I got you all excited I think if you had been there I would have ventured out , but without someone I trusted in the water I wasn't goning to take chance and fall on something and be found impailed on a tree floating around the Point. more later-----

more of the same

Woke up to more rain and howling wind, stayed in bed till the wife left for work then the sun was peeking through the clouds so I went and played 9 holes. Now its raining again. Is there no relief in site? more later--- P.S. theres more on the way from the Islands!!!!!

STORMWATCH 2005

Tornado in Huntington Beach? Whats this world coming to? The Tornado should be hitting the Talegalites, these guys will surf anything, and besides isn't that what I/me makes surfboards for? Didn't bother to get out of bed this morning, I figured if anything interesting happens at San-O it would be washed away anyway! NO SURF, NO GOLF my god whats this world coming to? I have to stay home and work around the house, I'm going CRAZZZZZYYYYYYYY----more later--, Hi Dingo and you to His Man-Person, oh! and you to Puttz!

It was Hooting!

The wind was hooting this morning and so was the rain. Got woken up at 3 am this morning by pouring rain, turned off my alarm and went back to sleep. I rolled out of bed at about 6:30 and drove down to San-O. Dingo and his man-person were still there and they told me that Ranger P. came down at about 5:30 and stayed about a half hour and watched a great lightening storm. Then he and his man-person took a walk and thats when I ran into them as they were coming back. I had walked down to toilet 2 when Dingo came running up barking happily until he found I had no treats with me. How ever they did find Puttzles Starbucks card in the road and we wondered how he would survive the morning without it! Its was too rainy to golf and to windy to surf so I'll just have to do my taxes. The golf tournament is called off today do to the rain so I guess I'll be stuck watching Nascar or cartoons. More later----

Slept in

Woke up looked outside and saw rain and south wind, figured its another good day to sleep in. Maybe we get all this rain because of the Talegalites? Think about it! All those big homes with their swimming pools and hot- tubs creating all that steam, it rises up and turns to rain, and where is it going to rain? You guessed it. I guess thats why the Mormons like it here so much now, it reminds them of Utah! Oh! And lets not forget the steam from their "LATTES'' from Starbucks!
More later, unless something better comes along.

FOUND ON BEACH

I WENT DOWN EARLY THIS MORNING AND FOUND A SUITCASE FULL OF MONEY. PROBABLY $300,000 OR MORE OF LARGE UNMARKED BILLS. I WANT TO RETURN THIS TO IT'S RIGHTFUL OWNER. WHAT DO I DO?

Golf Day

GOLF DAY. (thanks puttz)

camper/towtruck

What a morning! Turned my heater on in the camper to warm it up to change, then sat and watch Puttzle and K getting some really good, and I mean REALLY GOOD surf. Climbed up in the camper and laid out my wetsuit to warm it up in the heat of the camper, sat back to watch the boys get some good waves and fell asleep. Suddenly I hear a small truck engine reving and then tires spinning I woke up and looked out the window and saw this young man had pulled up to close to one of the cravasses made by the rain and dropped his front end into it and couldn't get out. I called Ranger P and together we tried to jimmy his door open because he had gotten out to look at how stuck he was and locked himself out. Luckly he left it in neutral so I backed the rig up to his truck and with a piece of tow chain hooked to his bumperIdropped my rig into 4wheel low and pulled him out easy as pie. Puttzle by this time had been in twice, he came out and left for work (what a mistake) about 9:30 the tide started coming in and it glassed off and was flawless! The crowd was minimal but packed in one spot, walk up to bamboozles with my 8' fun board for about an hour, man did it feel good (and cold). More later---

ATTN: TALEGALITES

Now available at the Talega Motor Cars showroom at the east end of pico. You can't miss it!

2 day no-show

First lets set the records straight! I was at San-O this morning and I did not see Dingo, His man-person, or Joe in his shorts! It could be because I didn't get down there until around 7:00, but I did go, there was only three cars in the parking lot, a Dodge van conversion, a silver mini van and Domo parked at the gate. See you in the morning-------

LOCALS ONLY

NO MAYOR, NO PUTZLE, ONLY THE "DIEHARD LOCALS" THIS MORNING. JUST ME, JOE, AND HIS SHORTS. HOWEVER, A 5:30 A.M. WALKIN PROVED TO BE QUITE REWARDING! NO, IT WASN'T THE SURF, IT WAS A BAG FULL OF________! YEP, A BAG FULL OF_________! SO WHILE THE MAYOR AND PUTZLE WERE TUCKED IN THEIR BEDS WITH VISIONS OF TALEGALITES DANCING IN THEIR HEADS, WE WERE BUSY WITH OUR BAG FULL OF_________! STAY TUNED TO THIS BLOG FOR MORE....

Ode to Dingo

Arf, I guess that about sums it up! Took my Mustang up to Energy Suspension for installation of their newly fabricated transmission mounts that they want me to try, and now I'm off to the golf course for the weekly Scramble to try and make a couple of bucks while I'm having fun. Hope there's surf in the morning, but it doesn't seem to promising. Talegalites were out in force this morning riding the knee high stuff, and snaking each other (what else is new). Weather is very nice except for the fact there's no surf. More later----

offical name change

There is a new offical name for San onofre, it will now be refered to as "San annoying" because of the influx of all the Talegalites! Thats all they seem to do is come down and annoy everyone with their everyone go on the same wave approach. More later!

golf day

The Sat. count was 11, there were two more sited after Puttzle left. ( or was it 12?) Anyway surf was small with the low tide making it very lined up and closing out, so off to the golf course for my Monday morning Back 9 with my golf buddies. There's always hope for surf tomorrow, but lately we see the pattern. During the week NO SURF, come the weekend SURF, when do the Talegalites get to surf ? Thats right on the weekend!!!! You can hear them mooing as they stampede in their brightly colored wetsuits to the water, oh! if only Sparky and Fluffy were around. Maybe I'll have to go golfing at the Talegalites golf course and leave some big divits and maybe about half way down the fairway step out right infront of one of them when he is about to Tee off and drop a ball and start to play it right infront of him towards the same green, you know, kinda like dropping in on someone at SanO! GET IT GUYS! Well so much for the lighter side, more later!

NEW BLOG

NEW SAN ONOFRE RELATED BLOG.

Left early

Saw Puttzle leaving as I drove down Old PCH, got to the gate parked and walked down to look. It was small bumpy and crumbly. Went home and went to the golf course for my Thursday golf match. Maybe the surf and weather will be better in the morning. Till then always remember these great words, Ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong!

No Go

Well I didn't go in, I was working myself up to suit up because there were some pretty good looking waves at times, then it started to rain lightly and I immediately flashed on Utah and Talega getting scared I jumped into my truck and fled to Lowes to do some shopping and when checking out quess who was in front of me at the checkstand, Emery at the gate. He's been doing some construction work and been giving his days away. He said his new board is all waxed up and ready but he has been to busy to surf. He left before we could discuss politics (oh darn). Well more later, tomorrow is another day. Golf tomorrow, unless its raining, then it might be (and I use the word MIGHT loosly) surfing!

So there

OK, now I contributed. See you in the morning. (oh, and for Dingo, arf woof snarl growl bark)!

Where I'm I?

What happened? All I remember is pulling up to the gate this morning and Dingo distracting me, then suddenly Iwas grabbed from behind and thrown to the ground and then someone forcing 7-11 Kahlua coffee down my throat. When I came to, I found myself at the beach and looking for toilet paper to start a fire. After starting the fire I looked out to the line-up and saw Peetor hopping grumpy, I WAS BACK! The surf was not quite as good as yesterday but, it looked fun. The talegalites were out in force. When I got home I threw my SAKAL 7' 8" fish in my camper as well as my 8' SAKAL fun board. Poche was not going off this morning so home to watch golf (which is in fog delay). I would like to thank Puttzle, Dingo, Dingo's man person, and of course Ralph(sell me your egg) for saving me from the Mormons and the Talegalites, although it will be tough to pass a Starbucks without crying.

Poche reef

I hate to say it but the outer reef at Poche was going off this morning when I got home and not a sole out. I will probably be growing an extra ear or leg or something but I've been out of the water for too long, I couldn't help my self . I only surfed about an hour before these old muscles gave out but it was worth it! No Talegalites, no kooks (except for me) , no hoppers and no Weber guys either! EAT YOUR HEART OUT! Perfect conditions, glassy smooth no bumps and some double overhead sets, but the best part is the great big channel to paddle out without even getting your hair wet! I did get caught inside twice, what a bummer. Puttzle did get the wave of the day this morning, from the Point to the Lifeguard tower at Old Mans, it was awsome!!!!!

MURPHY UPDATE!

He was seen speeding on pico in his SUV, yakking on his cell phone, not using his turn signals while careening into the Starbucks parking lot with two missionary's in the back seat. Approximately 23 minutes later he was seen doing the same maneuver at the Starbucks across the street, this time with 3 Escalades full of yuppies from the Talega golf club. This report was verified by several anonymous sources who witnessed the same thing. Time for a intervention before it's too late.

From the gate

As Puttzle said, the conditions were perfect but the surf was small again. How ever, I just got a call from our favorite Gold Metal Irishman that the surf again began to come up as the tide filled in. He said at times it was head high on him so, we know that the sets were about waist high ( just kidding ,we love you T-zone). Went and played golf, (surprise) great guys to golf with. The Sat. count was 13, I saw one just as Puttz was leaving. Well I have to go put on my' Leather' with my captains cap and paddle, my wife should be home any time. Stay tuned for another adventure in that dashing soap opera " FROM THE GATE"! Same bat time, same bat channel.

Mormon invasion

There was a Mormon invasion (or should I say Moron invasion) at the lower gate this morning. About 5:45am this morning everyone as usual is lined up at the gate waiting for the ranger to come and open up for the day, when this truck comes down the road right past the line of autos and pulls right up to my camper lights a blaring blinding everyone trying to watch for Sats. so I say low get &%@#*& in line with the rest of us and this little pudgy gay gets out of his truck and gets right in my face and starts yelling about you F _ _ _ ing califorians are a-- holes and thats why he moved to Utah to get away from them, right then he wants to come to the beach and do what the hell he wants so I told him again to go get in line and he gets in his truck drives up to the end of the line and hangs 1/2 a u-turn and blocks the road in both directions. Just then the ranger shows up and tells him he has to get out of the way, this guy by now is fumming! Then poor Puttzle didn't have his keys in and ready to go so about 1/2 dozen cars sneek past him and you heard the rest from him. more later.

what a day

As you know already puttzle and I were at the lower gate, the Ranger showed up late to open the gate and would you believe she even said she was sorry for being late, we all know which one I 'm talking about, she is a great person and should be treated with respect. And, well I did golf this morning and no sooner got home and was getting out of my camper when my cell phone rang and it was chicken neck wanting to know if I wanted to play golf, well I went back to the course and played another 18 holes. I'm going to bed to see you at the gate( hope the sky is clear).

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy

The mayors office it back on the road! Dam splice got wet and after all these years finally crusted up inside so bad current was no longer able to pass through. Fix? Just a new splice and the lights went on!!!! It only took me two days of testing with a volt meter. And like puttzle said not much surf, but golf was fun as always. Great long tee shots but then my short game went to H&#%@! Well got things to do now that the office is up and running, I'll be at the gate brite and early (if it doesn't rain) and watching the heavens. Hope to see a few of you there. (very few get it)

WHAT A MESS

Good morning all, went down to San-O late this morning and took a walk, our poor beach looks like the Oregon or Washington coast, every tree stump, branch, piece of bambo and trash has washed up on the beach and as far as the eye can see in both directions it looks like a Beaver has been at work damming up the shore line. The water is so dirty it will be days after this stops before the water will be enterable. If we can dry some of this wood out we could have fire wood for months. Sorry it just struck me, we have no fire-pit its washed down the slop to the water. I've got to get back to my black ant infestation I've just about got them under control. More later. Any questions, don't hesitate to ask!

Ball Cap Lost

Well we know it rained again last night , but what a RAIN! I don't know about you but the thunder and lightening storm was unbelievable! Went to San-O late again but I took the camper. I was the only one there so I put on my rain gear and walked down to see the storm damage. The tide was very high and the surf (thank goodness) was small. I walked all the way down to dog-patch along the beach finding toys that had been let before the storm or that had washed up during. On the back it started to rain so I took my ball cap off and tucked it into my rain jacket and put on this big yellow rain hat. I started to get rather warm in that get-up and was hurrying to get back to the camper to get out of the suit. As I removed the jacket I noticed my ball cap wasn't in there, I franticly looked all over the inside of the camper NOT HERE! I pulled my rubber boots back on and my sweat shirt and headed back down the road. As I passed our shower at the Point I saw my ball cap laying in the road where the Hawaiian Surf Club parks. I WAS STOKED!!!! I grabbed my hat put it on my head just in time because it stated to really rain hard, so I ran back to the camper and headed home. Alittle about the traffic later.

What Rain again?

Again I arrived late at San-O, but with the wind and rain there was no reason to hurry down. Now we know who the true dedicated locals are, Dingo, his man-person Craig, Ralph and of course Puttzle and myself. What we need to do is find a Cafe' to go to when the weather is bad and have coffee, hot chocolate, tea or what ever and sit a nice warm place and talk before we go home. We'll just have to look around and check things out. (the light just went on) we can go to Boogies at the golf course, its close to San-O and its got good food and plenty of coffee. Its something to think about! More from the Mayors Office later.

No recall please

Well as you know I didn't show up yesterday at San-O and showed up late today, but I did show! The ranger said they were starting to worry because its not like me not to show. The weather sucks but we do need the rain. If it wasn't for the dirty water it might have been fun at Bamboozles there were some fun looking peaks with both rights and lefts and breaking in close so the paddle would have been easy. Our fire pit might not make it through the storm but thats ok because we could use a new one anyway! It was kind of nice down there because there was no Talegalites, but we know as soon as the storm passes they'll be back. Tom the starter at the golf course told me today that Talegalites are even flocking into Churches and being pesty there also with no wave ediquette and no brains. I think most people wouldn't mind them if they show some respect for others , but all they care about is themselves. They seem to think that their enjoyment is all that matters with out any reguard for someone elses fun. Talegalites you may think your local because you live in the area, but the real locals have been surfing there long before you were even out of diapers! If you show them respect they will do the same, if you don't you may find your surfing at San-O to be a frustrating nightmare, and remember this, The Point is not a beginner spot! The people who surf there no how to surf so give them respect and don't drop-in and don't take-off way down the line and think its ok, its NOT! Look before you go, if someone is behind you get out of the wave, don't think like so many do and say oh, I hope I gave you enough room, YOU DIDN"T! If you don't care about riding in a pack, go to dog-patch nobody cares there WE DO at the Point! Make everyones surfing fun THINK before you go, respect others on the wave and if your not sure ask a local they are not bad people , just respect them and things will be more fun for everyone.

Have a nice day

Whats his name said it all!!! So have a nice day y'all. I stil ain't learned to spel so grate! Butt my speeking is getin bettur hey mom?

no show

Didn't bother to get up this morning it was raining so hard. I hope Puttzle (see I didn't use your name this time) stayed home I'm sure will hear from him soon. How about that Sugar Bowl Game? Tonights the big one, USC. Well since I can't surf ( I don't surf anyway) I'm going up to Lowes to get the parts to fix my shower door. Just remember, if your surfboard is old and yellowed from the sun and your wetsuit is brand new you might be a Talegalite!

Right as rain

Well it was rainy and wet this morning at the gate, but Puttzle and I were the only ones there. The ranger showed up and opened the upper gate and closed the lower. Puttzle walked down the road to look at the waves, but his report was small and wishy washy so home we went in hopes that tomorrow will be better.

I got wet

The surf looked fun this morning so I suited up and went out (yes I did) but as my luck would have it the waves stopped coming and were so inconsistant I paddled around for an hour and couldn't find one to ride. I could have gone into the crowd but thats not like me so I paddled in. Maybe tomorrow if theres rain and its not affecting the surf conditions otherwise I'm golfing because I promised my friends I would for sure this monday weather permiting. Talegalites were out in force again this morning we just have to hope they burn themselfs out before to long!! Be back at the gate in AM hope to see some of you there, but Talegalites stay HOME!!!!!!!!

Sammy Seagull

We have a new mascot at the Point, its Sammy Seagull. This morning when we started the fire in the firepit this Seagull shows up and started hanging around with the guys. Da Chewster suited up for his go out and came down to the fire to warm up before going out and Sammy was so brazin he walked right up to Chew and started pecking at his toes. He then jumped up on the fire ring just 6 inches from the flames and just stared at the flames without any fear of the fire. I then broke out a tin of kipper snacks (thats herring filets) and he loved them, but he had to fend off some of his brethren to keep his prize. The water was "TOO DIRTY" for me to go in, but maybe tomorrow I'll wait and see if Puttzle and the boys get sick or grow extra arms, legs or eyes. The Talegalites were out in force today they pulled old boards out of the rafters, put on new wetsuites and floundered they way into the surf. They don't have to worry about getting sick, because nothing will have anything to do with them and that includes bacteria. Besides the word Talega to the American Indians means "STUPID"!!!!!!!