Thursday, March 31, 2005

No Joking

Everything posted tomorrow, April Fool's Day, will be truthful, just like it always is. Facts ma'am, just the facts.

Good Listening

My good sister turned me on to this internet radio station from Maui. Give it a listen, no commercials, all kinds of music.

Afternoon Go Out

It is pretty darn hot today here in southern California and there are butterflies everywhere (unfortunately, too many of them end up in grills and on windshields, dead as door nails). I decided, what the heck, I'll go back down to San-O and see if it's gotten any better. Well, the offshores are blowing, that's for sure. The tide was high enough to cover the rocks for the most part. There's a lot of kelp and crap floating inside, just waiting to grab your fin. I went out in my spring suit (long sleeves) and had a fun enough time. 1-2 foot, decent shape, the only thing wrong was that I wish I had a big old tanker board, today is a perfect day for it.

One last thing...I paddled out at the bar where two guys were. A wave came through, I asked the guy who was going which way he was going. More than once. The a**hole did not reply. WTF is the matter with people? This guy, probably about my age (old), thought he was all that, as the saying goes. No leash, attitude, A**HOLE! I had to smile to myself when I saw him crawling over the rocks to retrieve his lost board. Karma!

Morning No Go Out

Another fabulously beautiful day and it's even warm! No, it's getting downright HOT! I made my appearance right on time at 7:30. Not much happening. Very small surf, great conditions and a extremely low tide. Well OK, not extremely, but all the rocks are showing. There will not be much change as we have a slack tide today, that according to renowned expert Emery on the Gate, I am.

I'm kind of busy right now and will update later.

These size ones were few and far between.

This is a fine young gentleman...and boy can the kid surf!

Lovefest.

Spring breakers.

DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME

Exclusive to the Sun-Post
By Richard Long
13 march 2005

SAN ONOFRE - There's apparently not much to do at San Onofre when the surf is flat.. A 51-year-old man in his motorhome decided to satisfy his fantasy of robotic love by seeking sexual gratification with his RV vacuum cleaner. Most men would think twice before poking a valuable organ into a vacuum, but this optimistic fellow had no qualms about the safety of his intended course of action. And using a vacuum cleaner had the appealing aspect of tidying up his mess after satisfying him. Our horny hero didn't realize that the suction on his hand-held Binford 2000 was created by a blade whirling just beneath the hose attachment, adjacent to the collection bag. His search for pleasure was cut short seconds after he stuck his penis into the vacuum and the blade lopped off part of his penis. With a sense of loss, he yelled for lifeguards. He told them that he had been stabbed in his sleep. When the lifeguards pointed out suspicious evidence, the victim claimed not to remember the incident.

Surgeons at San Clemente Medical Center stopped the bleeding, but were unable to reattach the 1/2" severed part. Though this man is still alive, his ability to reproduce has been curtailed by both his injury and his proclivity for RV appliances.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

I posted this a few weeks ago, but Dr. Ralph really would like his board back. Please be on the lookout for a retro 9'10" Velzy Malibu Special, made around 1995. Clear deck and a cream on cream colored bottom as the result of repairs. Stolen in San Clemente recently, if you see a board matching this description, kindly let us know. Mahalo.

Etc.

I was over at Mr. Tubesteak/MALIBU's blog and in his post of yesterday (Tuesday) he said something about the people sitting in line for 2.5 hours, then paying $10.00 to get in to San Onofre. I have often wondered why somebody would do that. Me, I get there early and never have to worry about it. Seems pretty dumb to sit in the late-comer loop line with a long wait to look forward to, especially when there are a lot of other places to go, such as Trails, or even Malibu (they got a Chuckie Cheese there?). Hell, in the time it takes to get in, you could wave goodbye, drive to Oceanside, surf, drive back and wave at the same people in the line. That would surely put a smile on their faces.

WARNING!!!

Poisonous Jellyfish Warning Issued
by Bob Katz

SAN ONOFRE (Pendelton News) - Surfer's at San Onofre need to be aware of the danger of poisonous jellyfish swimming in the sea after a Talega man was stung and later died.

Dick Hertz, from Talega was reportedly surfing at the point last week when the jellyfish wrapped around his legs and stung him. He died as a result of the stings.

The state lifeguards said a warning had been issued for all surfers who are currently at San Onofre or who are planning to travel to surf there. Obviously this warning is applicable to surfers at nearby Trails and Trestles.

REVENGE OF THE GOPHER

March 2005
SAN ONOFRE (Free Press) - Anyone who has watched the movie Caddyshack will have a good idea of the resilience of gophers. In the spring of 2005, three employees of the State Parks caught a gopher at the point in good condition. Their subsequent actions show that they were unfamiliar with the movie, and the vengeful nature of gophers. One Ranger and two maintenance men took the gopher into the storage room of bathroom #2 and apparently decided to kill it. No other reason for spraying cleaning solvent on the gopher seems plausible.

The solvent was designed to remove tar from surfaces. It freezes the surface tar and makes it easier to scrape it up. State Beaches have an unsurprising need for such solvents. But the gopher was stronger than the tar. Three cans later, it was still alive and kicking.

They paused for thought, and the ranger, who was most badly injured, attempted to light a cigarette in the fume-filled room. The subsequent explosion injured the three men, and sixteen surfers were treated for ruptured ear drums..

In the aftermath of the explosion, the persecuted gopher was discovered unharmed and clinging to a wall. He was released back into the wild at the point where he is expected to enjoy years of free drinks in gopher pubs as he tells the story of his brush with death.

Sucks!

It's like a broken record, same thing over and over. The surf is junk once again, look at the sheriff in the picture. At least he went out, that's more than I can say. I must also note that the sheriff was on a new board and you could tell as he was having a bit of trouble. I'm sure some of that was due to the new board. Not much happening, a light crowd to start, I'm sure more and more people will show up as it is a beautiful morning...again.

Oiling of the road should be starting right about now. On-site supervisor Builder Bob has informed me that with the expected dry weather, things could reopen around noon tomorrow. The relief on the face of Ranger Ephriam was almost comical. Evidently, his phone has been ringing off the hook with complaints from every which corner. The Talegalites, spring breakers and people from Utah are all leaving him nasty messages and have filled up his email.

I will not be attending tomorrow's opening as I have another commitment early in the morning. All you SPEEDERS should do your thing before 7:30, as that is my expected arrival time.

The sheriff on one of the better ones...

They had to hold me back from going out.

What's the hurry?

Very innovative method to lock your board to your vehicle.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

ONE FINE DAY ON THE LINKS

Based on a bet by Murphy the Mayor and the other members of his threesome, Peter Palmer tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Palmer managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, Murphy upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Palmers's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Palmer immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. unfortunately for Palmer the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Palmer's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Palmer broke a new $300 driver that he had just purchased from the Murphy, and was using to balance himself. Palmer was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.

I Almost Forgot!

Utahman snuck in this morning. This time he had a different vehicle, one he obviously has modified to appear local. Ca. plates, BIG Hawaiian Club sticker in the rear windw. Can't fool us though. The dead give-away was the Brigham Young University Cougars license plate holder. It was him. Doh!

Yada Yada Yada

I guess I could repeat yesterday's post. Things are not good this morning after the howling west wind of yesterday afternoon and evening. The wind is offshore, or at least it was when I arrived and left. I kept telling myself that it might get better with the tide. That the longer the offshore stayed on it would help and that I would possibly go out. Myself disagreed, said it started out as crap and it was staying crap for today, and it was time to depart. Who knows what tomorrow has in store, let's hope for the best.

I don't know what it is about crappy surf that brings out SPEEDERS! How someone can be in such a hurry just to go out in junk is beyond me. There is a POSTED SPEED of 15 MPH on the dirt road. Observe it, or if I have my trusty camera, I will post your vehicle on the blog. Your 15 minutes of fame will be up.

On-site workman Builder Bob informs me that, depending on the weather, the road oiling may take place tomorrow and Thursday rather than Thursday and Friday. You should have seen the look of glee on Ranger Ephriam's face as the pressure from the Talegalites has been intense. I'm glad for the ranger as he has been acting kind of "squirrelly" of late.

What can I say?

Speeder.

Repeat Speeder.

40 mph is no way to arrive in the parking lot.

World's Oldest Genitals Found At San Onofre

SAN ONOFRE (Reuters) - Scientists have discovered fossils of the world's oldest genitals -- belonging to 400 million-year-old insects -- in ancient rocks at San Onofre.

The penis of the ancient harvestmen insects, commonly known as a daddy-long-legs, was two-thirds the length of the body and remarkably similar to the modern-day species, New Scientist magazine said Wednesday.

"The discovery of the world's oldest genitals proves that little has changed over the last 400 million years -- at least for daddy-long-legs," according to Dr. Ralph of the San Onofre Marine Institute. Dr. Puttzle , Dr. Ralph, and a team of researchers from Dana Point, who will present their findings at a conference , also uncovered a long egg-laying organ called an ovipositor from a female. "As well as genitals, the fossils have the oldest known arachnid respiratory system, suggesting harvestmen's ancestors had long since crawled out of the sea and learned to breathe," Dr. Puttzle said.

Harvestmen arachnids are sometimes mistaken for spiders but they are more closely related to ticks or mites because they do not spin webs.

The previous oldest penis, which dated back 100 million years and was found in Brazil, belonged an ostracod, an early crustacean related to crabs, shrimps and water fleas.

By Dick Schort

Monday, March 28, 2005

HOW THE GAME IS PLAYED

SAN ONOFRE, Ca.
By Jose Daniels

(AP) From the beach where drinking and driving is considered a sport comes a true story.

A routine ranger patrol parked outside of San Onofre. Late in the evening the ranger noticed a man leaving the beach so intoxicated he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the ranger quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity
and trying his keys on five different vehicles he managed to find his own car, which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other surfer/drunks left the beach and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a dry night), flicked the hazard
flasher, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and remained stationary for a few more minutes as more surfers left in their vehicles.

At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started driving slowly down the dirt road.The park ranger, having patiently waited all this time now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all.

Dumbfounded, the ranger said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the ranger station, apparently this equipment is broken.

"I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

The Real Deal

See the picture? See the surf? I don't really either! Small sectioning very low tide mushers is the best description I can come up with right now. Actually, the Grumpster and I sat and watched the 4 guys out for about an hour, waiting for the rising tidal push that we were sure was coming. We almost convinced ourselves to venture out as it looked like we could have our pick of what there was, if you catch my drift. Then it started sprinkling, the surf was getting no better and all of a sudden there were 12 guys out and counting. So I split.

I am a newcomer to the Point, yes I am. In the short 2+ years I've been calling it home, I have noticed a definite decrease in the ability level of the people "surfing" the Point. Not the regulars, mind you, but the semi-regulars and dreaded Talegalites. I know what some of you are thinking or muttering to yourself, "That's because you started surfing there". While I may not have increased the level, I don't believe I decreased it...I think. Of late, long time regulars have commented "Where have all the beginners come from at the Point?" So, I am NOT they only one!

What I am getting at is this: If someone's skill level doesn't warrant surfing the Point, go to Dogpatch. Get better. Move to Old Man's after that, stopping to say HI! to Kemp R. Rick and Dingo. Hone your skills until you can truly enjoy the wave that is the Point. Seriously. I have, and will under the right conditions, talked to guys whose skill level isn't "up to par" and advised them that Dogpatch and inside Old Man's were much better choices. They thanked me. They really did. They went to Dogpatch and on the way back stopped again thanked me. I know, it's a lost cause, isn't it.

Oiling of the road, which was scheduled to begin at 7:30 sharp, was postponed due to the weather. According to on-site workman Builder Bob, it has been pushed back to Thursday and Friday of this week, weather permitting of course. Ranger Ephriam was not pleased by this turn of events as the pressure from the inlanders is sure to be intense.

Small stuff. 3.28.2005

PREPARE YOUR BRIEFS!

Reckless Driving Results In Reckless Lawsuit
Submitted by Mark Asparacus

SAN ONOFRE (Daily Sun Post) - A 21-year-old San Onofre man, who last summer led park rangers on a high-speed chase in his SUV before crashing into a surfboard on a pole, now wants the state to pay his medical bills. The man, known as Tudeboy, claims that five rangers were responsible for his injuries because they violated a state parks policy to discontinue high-speed pursuits when the risk exceeds the need for immediate apprehension.

Tudeboy's lawsuit states that continuing the police pursuit was "reckless, unnecessary, and unwarranted." Hey, how about your reckless, unnecessary and unwarranted driving style, Tude baby?

Making sure he had all his lawsuit bases covered, Ranger Ephriam, Dr. Puttzle and Tubesteak are also named in the complaint for failing to order the termination of the police chase. Mysteriously absent from the suit was Murphy the Mayor.

Tudeboy reportedly fractured his right leg, right foot, left arm, and left elbow, and received numerous other cuts and bruises in the accident. He demands compensation for an unspecified cost of medical treatment.

The state report stated that the primary ranger charged in the lawsuit responded to a complaint that a man was driving a four-wheel all-terrain vehicle at excessive speed and in a reckless manner on the dirt road. The ranger reportedly observed the suspect near the Point area and engaged in pursuit. Tude's SUV drove into Old Mans, through the parking by bathroom #4, and back into the Point area.

While ole Tudeboy was crusing around the beach, the ranger observed him running through red lights, making illegal turns and driving well in excess of the speed limit during the chase. The ranger's report said he broke off the pursuit of the speeding off-road vehicle twice, finally apprehending Tudeboy at the accident scene.

Tudeboy was charged with reckless driving, driving an unregistered motor vehicle, driving an uninsured motor vehicle and driving without a license.

How about adding a charge for his BS lawsuit as well?

Sunday, March 27, 2005

I SAW THE WHOLE THING!

Easter Bunny Gets Pummeled by Boy at Beach

Saturday, March 26, 2005

(03-26) 09:59 PSTSan Onofre, Ca.. (AP) --

The Easter Bunny is hopping mad. Murphy the Mayor, who portrays the furry character at San Onofre beach every year, says he was pummeled in an unprovoked attack on the job. Park rangers say the attacker was a 12-year-old boy who sat on Murphy's lap the day before the incident.

Murphy suffered a bloody nose. He kept his cool during the attack, deeming it inappropriate for the Easter Bunny to fight back. But he's not willing to forgive and forget. "They (the park rangers) told me it was up to me, and I feel that the boy should be prosecuted," Murphy told The Daily Sun Post .

Murphy told park rangers that the boy hit him in the face at least six times before running away. Park Ranger Ephriam said the youth has been in trouble in the past. The case will be forwarded to the San Diego County prosecutor's office next week for action, he said.

Murphy, meanwhile, is back on the job at the beach, where he had been working as the Easter Bunny for about a week before the attack. "I just like getting the kids to laugh and have fun," he said. His job is to get his picture taken with children and make them laugh. That can be difficult because he is not allowed to speak while in costume.

Murphy said his 12-year-old attacker seemed perfectly happy the day before the incident. "Yeah, he came up and said, 'Hi,' and was sitting on my lap and talking," Murphy said. "He seemed OK."

But when he saw Murphy the next day, the boy didn't want to talk. "He just started hitting," Murphy said.

Sunday Services - Easter Edition

Happy Easter all, it's another beautiful morning in Southern California! Conditions for surf are epic, with the exception of a swell. Smooth surface and a bit of a haze in the sky, almost like a flimsy marine layer. I hate days like this, everything is in place for a memorable day except the waves. It makes me appreciate those rare days when everything comes together, but those days tend to spoil a person. I did not bother going out, it would have been an exercise in futility. There were just enough guys who knew what they are doing and my addition would not have helped. If it was a weekday morning, I may have gone out. I took additional pictures that I will post at puttzle's pics in a short while.

Don't forget, the lower gate will remain closed Monday and Tuesday as they are oiling the dirt road. Bring your footmobiles!


UPDATE: Pictures are up!

Mr. Mayor, make sure you are there early enough to see that bright thing again, same satellite, about 10 minutes earlier...and it was right on time, I was wrong. Yup, it happens.

1-2 foot waves and all these people? What the heck for? These people should not call themselves surfers. Look at the guy "riding" on the right. With a few exceptions, this was the norm. Scary.

Exception 3.27.2005

Exception 3.27.2005

Larry on a nice little one.

Saturday, March 26, 2005

This is what San-O will look like tomorrow.

Update

OK, all the pics are up and running, it took longer than I would have liked as there was some problem with the picture server so I had to redo a few. Oh well, that's life. Another beautiful day, although a very chilly west wind has started to blow, at least it is where I live. The surf was bigger but not necessarily better. The waves were real close together and the highish tide didn't help either. The mayor graced us with his presence in the line-up. He was not alone. I am sure that the word was out on the Mayor's customary Easter Eve go-out as all the Talegalites were there in their finest apparel and accompanied him on out. Such a joyous site to behold. They all formed a big circle, held hands and chanted "Murphy is good, Murphy is great", then the circle broke and they surfed. Or rather collided repeatedly. All in all a very entertaining morning and tomorrow promises to be even BETTER! Good times, good times.

Easter Eve

I have a bunch of pictures to post which I will immediately do after I send this here post. They will be on puttzle's pics. I will return and continue today's report.

Jim L., 3.26.2005.

Yes folks, a bona fide SPEEDER! Note the dust storm and I especially like the terrified expression on the pedestrian's face.

McTavish Bob, arguably the finest living longboard surfer on the west coast.

Joe in his wetsuit, 3.26.2005

Friday, March 25, 2005

"HELP"

"HELP"! I'm being held captive at---------------------------

Nice Friday

What a beautiful morning! Great conditions, slight offshore, clear skies, the only thing missing was surf, although it was fun. 1-3 feet at best, but like I said, fun. Grumpy, Sheriff Bob and Panama Hatman went out as soon as the gate opened and they suited up. Dr. Ralph, the Mayor and I all sat. It was real small and the tide was rising. As the minutes passed, it got a tiny bit better. The three out kept getting what looked like fun rides. Dr. Ralph, unwet for two and a half months(!) convinced me it looked like fun. Just as the Grumpster got out, we jumped in. An enjoyable morning in small surf and the water is still nice, temperature wise.

Spring break is here, there were as many females in the surf as males...and most of them surfed far better than the guys. There is a certain gracefullness in a women surfer who can handle a board and I think that comes more naturally for them than for guys. We are more heavy footed. Surfsister, don't take this wrong, I am not saying they "surf like girls", but that they surf more gracefully for the most part and that is a beautiful thing.

Preliminary grading of the dirt road was completed yesterday so the gate once again opened. Monday morning they have scheduled an oiler truck to oil down the road in an attempt to keep the dust down so as not to dirty the insides of the Talegalites' Motor Coaches. The gate will remain closed Monday and Tuesday to give the oil time to seep in.

I'd be stoked!

Talegalite kick-out.

Go!

Grumpy practicing a new move he learned at the Talega Ballet Academy.

Grumpy on the nose.

NO, NO, NO, that's the WRONG way Bob!

There were a lot of these in the line-up this morning.

CONGRATULATIONS, MAYOR!

Stinky Wetsuit Earns Man Big Prizes
By Andrew Peters, AP

SAN ONOFRE, Ca. (AP) - Murphy's wetsuit may reek something awful, but that stench has earned him some cold, hard cash. Murphy beat six other contestants from around the world Tuesday in the 30th annual National Odor-Eaters stinky wetsuit contest. He won a $500 savings bond, a $100 check for a new wetsuit and a supply of Odor-Eaters products.

The secret to his success? "Pee, lots of pee. The stank was from rubbing my butt cheeks back and forth and making them sweaty," said Murphy, with his trophy in hand and a golden wetsuit hanging from his neck. Murphy said he also played golf in the five-year-old O'Neill patched together with duct tape.

This years competition marked the first time in the event's history that three of the five judges required medical attention after being exposed to the wetsuit. "Wetsuits shouldn't smell that bad. Actually, I have never smelled anything even remotely close. Think skunk and margaritas mixed together with diesel and you may have some idea" said judge Kiefer, one of the three affected.

Murphy is a veteran of the competition. Last year he was a runner-up to Tubesteak/MALIBU in the state event. In the week leading up to this year's contest, he refused to take a bath. When his wife insisted, they found him in the tub, with the wetsuit on, and eating asparagus and drinking tequila!

OH, PLEASE DON'T LET IT BE MURPHY!

Man burned when propane tank explodes
Last Updated Dec 15 2003 11:25 AM MST
CBC News

SAN ONOFRE - A 50 Something-year-old man was taken to hospital Monday morning when the propane tank on his camper exploded. Ranger Ephriam said the man was parked at the Point about 10 a.m. and had just connected a propane tank to his camper. He went inside the camper to cook some humbolt squid which resulted in a small explosion and flash fire.

The man was able to go for help, but the truck and camper and hundreds of golf clubs were destroyed. Ranger Ephriam said the man suffered first and second-degree burns to about one-third of his body, including his head, face, arms and legs. He was taken to hospital in serious, but stable, condition.

Thursday, March 24, 2005


Huh?

HE FINALLY GOT A HOLE IN ONE!

Sinkhole Swallows Mayor In Camper
Authorities Say Water Main Broke

POSTED: 7:50 pm EST March 9, 2005
UPDATED: 8:19 pm EST March 9, 2005

SAN ONOFRE, Ca. - Imagine driving down a dirt road and having a giant sinkhole swallow you and your camper.

That's just what happened to Murphy The Mayor Tuesday night at San Onofre Surf Beach. Murphy got a sinking feeling looking at the huge hole that swallowed his camper, himself and golf clubs. The incident happened just after 5pm. "The road was really muddy and I saw a shadow, what I thought was a shadow or mud, I wasn't really sure, so I slammed on the brakes and next thing I know I am staring at a ton of rock.

Stunned inside the camper, Murphy heard a sound that terrified him. "I heard water starting to run. I knew that was bad so I knew I had to get out. At first I was going to try to sit there and just wait until the rangers came, and then the camper shifted and I was kind of freaking out a little bit and then I decided to try to crawl out. All the dirt that had fallen was all ice still, so I kind of walked around the edge of the mud and try to get some sort of traction. I crawled all the way around to the front of the hole and climbed out." said Murphy.

Park officials believe an 8-inch water main break may have caused the beach to open up and give way. They were looking for the rupture, but The Mayor fell into the hole first. " The sinkhole stretches at least 20-feet wide and it buckled the logs at the Point!" observed an excited local, Kemp R. Rick.

Crews were busy all day Wednesday filling the hole with a sand mixture trying to stabilize the road. Around 1 dozen toilets are still without water. The state hopes to get the road fixed and the water back on by early Thursday.

The Lunatics Are Running The Asylum

Catchy tune that one. Surf is as the picture shows, virtually non-existent and not the best of wind. As well, the gate is not going to be open today as the state is going to repair the slide area and prepare for the pavers. Once the preliminary work is complete, we will once again be allowed to drive in. I did not ask the ranger when it would again be open. It may take a while as there are numerous huge boulders that will have to be blown up before they can be hauled away. Paving work will be held off until after the Memorial Day weekend and should take two weeks to complete, depending on weather.

Amazingly this morning, quite a few of the gang showed up. The Mayor, Grumpy, Joe in his shorts, the School Bus Driver, TB Joe and Panama to name a few. Conspicuous in his absence was the Big Kook who has been slinking around lately, no doubt looking for the goods on our great Mayor Murphy.

There are a couple of guys I want to mention here who have been absent for too long a period and are missed. The Olympic Gold Medal winner and the Other School Teacher (known from now on as The School Teacher, since that is available.) are both battling health concerns. I won't get into details as that is their business, not mine. Keep them in your thoughts please.

WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?

Two in Hospital after Dog Attack
March 22, 2005

SAN ONOFRE. Two men were taken to a San Clemente hospital after a man doused them with brake fluid and set his pit bull dog on to them.

The men were both bitten by the animal, which may be put down as a result of the incident in a suburban park early today. Park rangers are interviewing the man over the attack at Surf Beach, but have not yet laid charges.

Following the incident, the dog owner went to his former partner's house at nearby Shorecliffs and poured brake fluid on the woman and her de facto's car but did not set it alight.

Police said the man had been walking on the beach, near bathroom#4 , about 4.20am when he set the dog, believed to be a pit bull , on to two men. He also doused them with what was believed to be brake fluid but did not set them alight.

San Clemente Hospital said the men had been bitten by the dog but could not say what their condition was.

Park Ranger Ephriam said pit bulls had been banned on the beach since 1997 and were also prohibited as imports to Talega. Only four that had been registered before then were allowed to be kept as pets.

San Onofre spokesman "Murphy the Mayor" said the dog might have to be euthanased. "We don't know if it is a pit bull, it's probably a pit bull cross," Murphy said. "The poor old pit bulls get blamed for everything but it's the owners that are the ratbags. We believe in punishing the deed, not the breed."

Crap!

CALL STEVE IRWIN, FAST!!!!

Giant snakes invade San Onofre
March 18 2005 at 10:39AM

A local snake expert has called on people not to kill hundreds of snakes which have made their slithery presence known at San Onofre Surf Beach recently. The snakes, known as the black mamba, are the deadliest type of snake in the world.

Reptile expert Dr Puttzle, of Dana Point Reptiles Unlimited, said he had received up to three calls a day for the past three weeks about the snakes showing up at the beach and that people often found as many as ten snakes. "The problem is that people see the snake and think it's a baby. But the average sizes that are found here are between 8ft and 12ft. They think it's a baby. 'These mambas can grow up to 25ft long and weigh about 250lbs. I've had a lot of reports of them found in vehicles. This could be because, with spring coming, they're looking for food. Also with the recent rain they could be getting flushed out, as they are a burrowing species. Mambas do bite and are quite venomous. Mambas also don't have an obvious head and are dark brown to black in colour," said Dr. Puttzle.

He will soon be releasing a rescued African rock python into the care of Murphy the Mayor. The python was rescued from a BBQ at bathroom #4.

This article was originally published on page 4 of The Mercury on March 18, 2005

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

No truth to recall

I would just like to say that there is no truth to the rumor about a recall. My sources tell me that some very unhappy Talegalites that had moved here from Utah are up in arms trying to break the will of the locals by making the Mayor a scape goat with all their low-down and vile smear tactics. They plan to take over the Point by sheer numbers. I may call on the one person who could possibly help with this matter as he himself has been through this, this name should bring fear to the hearts of the Talegalites," TUBESTEAK" yes thats right I said "TUBESTEAK"! Beware all of you non-believers we have ears and eyes in every bush. The Govenator said he would back the Mayor with every tax dollar if need be. More later, the're waiting for me at the Tenth Tee.

THIS STORY HITS CLOSE TO HOME

Two groups might seek to oust Murphy from office
By Philip J. LaVelle
UNION-TRIBUNE STAFF WRITER
January 4, 2005

San Onofre Mayor Murphy is barely four weeks into his second term and already there is talk of trying to remove him from office via recall. For now the talk is relegated to the margins of San Onofre civic life – chatter among the surfing class plus some letters to the state– but there are indications it could easily turn serious. "We've had a number of inquiries – requests for information on the recall procedure," City Clerk Puttzle said yesterday.

San Onofre's surfing establishment, generally but not universally behind Murphy, has grown alarmed enough in recent weeks that it is now keeping close tabs on possible sources of a recall movement. "It freaks people out," Dr. Ralph, vice president of public policy at the San Onofre Regional Chamber of Commerce, said.

There are at least two groups deeply unhappy with Murphy that reportedly are contemplating a recall:
Supporters of write-in mayoral candidate Big Kook who got more people to cast ballots for him than for Murphy, but who came in second in the official tally because of a ballot dispute.

Some surfing figures doubt Murphy's ability to tackle the beaches deepening crisis, which centers on a huge influx of Talegalites. While there has been plenty of talk, no individuals have stepped forward to organize a recall effort. Disaffection with Murphy is one thing. Launching his recall is quite another. There are technical hurdles to qualifying a recall, including a provision of the beaches election code that prohibits the machinery of a recall from sputtering to life until Murphy is at least six months into his second term. Also, to qualify, recall proponents must gather 100,830 signatures, representing 15 percent of SanOnofre's surfers as of the Nov. 2 election, according to the state parks.

Assistant City Clerk Neon D. Surfer estimates that if recall backers successfully met all the requirements, a recall election probably could not be held until roughly a year from now. "The surfing crowd has much more enthusiasm for these things than real people," said Neon, who said he is not involved in any recall planning. "Weird people who eat, sleep and breath surfing live for this stuff."

Murphy recall chatter already has hit the statewide surfing network. This week's edition of SURFER, a San Clemente-based magazine , predicts a Murphy recall will qualify for the ballot.

For his part, Murphy said he has other things on his mind. "I'm staying focused on solving the problems of the beach," he said in a statement from his golf cart on the seventh fairway. "I do not have time to worry about some speculative recall in the future. I am much more worried about my game. I mean, have you seen my putting? It's just horrible!."

If Murphy is subject to a recall election, it would take a majority of votes to force him from office. The replacement candidate with the most votes – a majority is not required – would be declared winner.

Murphy is not the only San Onofre politician who needs to be wary of a recall. Tubesteak, a prominent backer of the third-place mayoral candidate, SANOMAN, said he "absolutely would" back a recall of a Mayor . Even so, "I'd rather have Murphy as mayor than Big Kook," he said

"CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?"

Gang Threats Prompt More Ranger Presence
Web-posted Mar 23, 2005

SAN ONOFRE - The possibility of gang-related violence at San Onofre Surf Beach has motivated Park Rangers to make its presence known. Police and rangers say recent scuffles between two groups of surfers have heightened concerns.

An anonymous source close to the situation said Tuesday that both surfers and kayakers have gone to the State with concerns over escalating tension. Threats that surfers will "shoot up the beach" have circulated throughout the state

"There's speculation that if something is going to happen, it's going to happen now," the source said. The individual wished not to be identified for fear of reprisals.

San Onofre begins its spring break on Friday, and some within the beach community fear that rival groups of surfers will look to settle a score before days end. The nature and cause of the dispute is unclear.

District Superintendent Hal Dairywimple confirmed there have been altercations between two groups at surf beach - including one scuffle he witnessed last week. He argued that the incidents have been minor in nature, however.

Park Rangers report an incident involving a group of point surfers disturbing the peace at "Old Man's" last week and another in which groups of stoners got involved in a minor altercation during church picnic.

Murphy the Mayor discounted claims that racial tension is at the heart of the problem. He did note the state has encouraged leaders in both local breaks to engage in conflict resolution planning as a way to bridge any differences that might exist. Gloria Allred has been mentioned as a possible mediator.

In response to lingering concerns over violence, park officials have met to discuss ways to level tensions and maintain beach security. "Probably everyone's level of concern has increased, as it would be whenever you have an incident like the one that happened this week," said Dairywimple. "I think we might be reacting to the news nationally, but we want to be careful not to overreact."

Surfers reportedly believe that talk of a melee between the rival groups goes beyond typical surfer caterwauling, however.

Murphy said whatever the case, appropriate security procedures are in place and being implemented. "We certainly want to make sure that we maintain a safe beach environment, and we've taken measures to do that."

Stormage

As expected, the surf is total junk after last night's storm. A hard west wind is blowing and it is "victory at sea" kind of conditions. Due to the additional rain dumped on an already saturated area, there is now a new slide at San-O. The hillside is about to come a tumblin' down any time now. I know this will put the Talegalites in a fowl mood as they will now be forced to walk. However, help is on the way. Cadet Larsen, with the SOSC's blessings and with the urging of Ranger Ephriam, has applied for and received a permit to run a shuttle service from the upper lot using his newly refurbished motor home. Fare is set at $5.00 per ride, which is in addition to the normal $42.00 park admission fee. Luckily the shuttle fee also includes a cup of Starbucks double skim milk latte, no foam.

On another note, the Govenator is pushing a new initiative, "Adopt a Talegalite". The official announcement will take place at San-O's Old Man's shack at an event they are calling "Take a Talegalite to the Beach". If the program is successful, plans call for expanding it to include Laderalites and RSMer's and anyone else living east of the I-5 freeway. I will keep everyone updated as to when the announcement will take place. Tentative date is 4/1/2005.

New slide.

Yuk!

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

A PAT ON THE BACK

I would personnally like to thank Puttzle and Dingo on they outstanding coverage of these two rare major events that have taken place at San Onofre, my hat goes off to you. More later maybe--

Fun Time For All

There is still a bit of surf this morning. A little better shaped than yesterday and cleaner. 2-4 with some bigger. I surfed for a couple of hours, snapped a few pictures and left. Not a bad crowd this morning considering there were periods of lullsville. Most waves were hard to catch but then a set would roll through that would break outside. A whole lot of wrong place at the wrong time at the start, then I warmed up...a little. I was down at the bar, by myself. Tide was too high, but it was still fun.

By the way, the water is still nice, I figured (incorrectly) that the recent west winds might have chilled it down. Not to worry, I would say it is around 60 degrees. As you can see from the picture below, there were a couple of brave young ladies who took their turtle for a swim. I do not think they were from Talega, but you never know.

Richard Chewwwww!

Feel the Love!

Johhny V.

Johnny V. on the right and TB Joe going left.

Hor-Hay! 3.22.2005

Morning entertainment. We think they were from Minnesota.

I WOULDN'T GO OUT IF I WERE YOU!

Shark Tears Man in Half
Shark attacks are not uncommon in California waters.

SAN ONOFRE, California (AP) -- Authorities were hunting Monday for a six-meter (20-foot) shark that tore a man in half as he surfed off San Onofre's "The Point" an official said.

Earl Dennis, was surfing with two tourists when he was attacked Saturday. He died instantly off the The Point, about 400 yards north of "Old Mans", park rangers said. No one else was injured.
"The 26-year-old man was bitten in half by the six-meter animal and death seemed to be instantaneous," Murphy the Mayor said. An air and sea search of the area miles west of the coastal town of San Clemente on Monday failed to find the shark or human remains.

Government fisheries officer Puttzle said authorities wanted to kill the shark, suspected to be either a great white or tiger, to safeguard the public. Residents of the area said the killer was far larger than sharks usually found there. The attack was the first to occur off the San Onofre since two sharks killed a 29-year-old surfer south of dogpatch in July.

The fatality is the first in Southern California waters since December, when an 18-year-old surfer was bitten in half by a five-meter (16-foot) great white shark off a beach in the southern end of the area known as Trails. A week earlier, a shark killed a 38-year-old diver spear fishing near Trestles beach.

BETTER WEAR YOUR SHOES TO SANO!

Biologist Discovers Rare Fairy Shrimp

SAN ONOFRE, Ca. (Reuters) -- A State Park biologist has documented a new species of fairy shrimp in california, one of only four species among hundreds that are longer than one inch (2.54 cm) and eat their relatives, officials said on Wednesday.

Dr. B. Kook a biologist with the California State Parks, said the new species most closely resembled "a feathery preying mantis with an attitude." Unlike the vast majority of fairy shrimp, the new species is armed with spines and ready to rumble with its smaller counterparts, said Kook, adding, "This guy is a carnivore, grabbing onto little guys and eating them."

The 3-inch (7.6-cm), flesh-colored crustacean can lie dormant for years, even decades, in egg form, emerging only when infrequent rains and runoff fill the beaches potholes of San Onofre Surf Beach. Then it goes amok, eating, mating and laying eggs before another dry spell descends. In lean times, the mega-sized fairy shrimp -- which sports hooked arms, a forked tail and turquoise-colored reproductive organs -- clamps its fairy shrimp cousins to its abdomen to store for future dining.

"It's a very cool critter," said Kook!

Monday, March 21, 2005

No Free Entry

Well the road to the Marine Base is still not open and more and more people are finding their way in to San-O without paying, however Ranger M was on the job today telling everyone without a yearly day use pass that they had to go back up to the Kiosk and pay their $10.00 before they come into the Park."WAY TO GO M"! The surf was messy and mushy but did have a hint of shape. The wind was all over the place for the most part, but some of the die-hards made their way out. When I left (gee I wonder what for) Puttz was taking pictures and Osifer K was sitting on the log trying to decide if he wanted to get wet. See Puttz pictures. Maybe more later---- Oh! And I would like to thank Dingo for his story on the "Great Toilet Paper Scandle" thats reaking havic on the beaches of San Onofre! This time Schittt has really hit the fan (or should I say sand)!

BETTER BRING YOUR OWN TOILET PAPER!

SAN ONOFRE, CA.

It was BYOTP time at San Onofre: Bring Your Own Toilet Paper. A state budget crisis left the bathrooms at the beach with empty soap dispensers, paperless paper towel holders and bare cardboard toilet paper rolls. Surfers also complained the bathrooms weren't being cleaned.
"It's almost humorous, but it's disgusting," said Murphy the Mayor, who has surfed at San Onofre for 21 years. "When people got to bring their own toilet paper and soap to wash their hands, it's like surfing in another country, a bad country," he told KSRF-TV. Murphy said there was waste piling up in some of the toilets.

A state environmental health crew went to the beach Wednesday and said many of the bathrooms were clean and on the way to being restocked. Some toilets, however, looked like they had been deliberately plugged, said Deputy Larson, spokesman for the state Health Department. Those bathrooms remained closed while the health department awaited plumbers. "The State Parks budget has been cut severely," Larson told The Associated Press on Thursday. Besides losing money, the department has had layoffs. "Towels and soap were running out, and that was also due to this fiscal crisis," Larson said. Replacement supplies couldn't be ordered until the county shifted money around.

The beach, located in Southern California, is home to nearly 1 million surfers, many of them from the inland Talega and Ladera Ranch area. The state has had to slash 2,000 jobs and cut services to close a $100 million-plus shortfall in its $1.1 billion budget. Rather than raise the day use fees, it cut funding for personnel, maintnence, lifeguards and others emergency services. At one point, it was possible that illegal aliens would be targeted and shipped back to mexico. The state came up with the money to keep the illegal aliens here.

Update

I have posted a few other pictures from this morning on puttzle's pics .
There is still a nice swell running but the conditions are a bit dicey. I just couldn't talk myself into going out. Some pretty fair sized sets are rolling through. I stopped by Doheny on my way home, there were about 6 guys out and occasionally, a wave like the one shown below rolled through. By far the conditions there are great. I am in a hurry and will update later.

Doheny 3.21.2005

TB Joe, 3.21.2005

Sheriff Bob jammin'.

3.21.2005

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Sunday Services

The surf has gotten a bit larger this morning, but the conditions suck. Northwest winds that are just getting stronger as the morning progresses. A bunch of mish-mash washing machine type surf. None of the regulars went out while I was there. After what we have had there are a lot of spoiled surfers just standing around, observing and having fun at the expense of...yup, the Talegalites who were the only ones to go out. More power to them, I say. There were a couple of them who really got worked on the way out.

Dingo, please inform Tude Boy, he of the speeding small truck that was pictured a week or so ago, to cool his jets. You and I both know he has been coming here for a long time so he should know better than to drive the way he does on the dirt road. I have no time or patience for someone who arrives at the beach with an attitude! Once ok, but all the time?!?!

Talegalite kick-out.

3.20.2005

Speeder.

Double Speeders, in and out. Bye.

Speeder.

Saturday, March 19, 2005

No Joke

Please be on the lookout for a retro 9'10" Velzy Malibu Special, made around 1995. Clear deck and a cream on cream colored bottom as the result of repairs. Stolen in San Clemente recently, if you see a board matching this description, kindly let us know. Mahalo.

IT HAPPENED AT BATHROOM #4

A Honey of a Buzz
(March19, 2005. San Onofre, California)

An unidentified 60-year-old surfer was still thirsty after drinking what most would consider “too much alcohol.” He stumbled toward a nearby bee’s nest, perhaps hoping to follow the beer with a bit of honey, which the bees would surely share. Instead, over a thousand noble bees sacrificed their lives to protect the hive, a Darwinian response bred into them millennia ago. The man, quite reasonably, went into anaphylactic shock and died.

State Parks spokesman Bob Larsen, disputed the theory that the bees alone had killed him, attributing his demise to “the stupid things drunken people do,” pointing out that the man was otherwise healthy and could have enjoyed a long life. “The combination was lethal.”

AND THEY GLADLY PAY IT!

Talega gas station already charging more than $5 a gallon
Talega, Calif. (APCredit: KTLA-TV)

Are Californians ready to pay five dollars a gallon for gas? Some already are. The 76 Union station on Vista Hermosa in Talega is doing brisk business despite self-serve pumps selling regular unleaded at four dollars, 33 cents a gallon and supreme unleaded at four dollars, 45 cents. For Talega residents who don't want to step out of their luxury cars or S-U-Vs, full serve pumps are selling fuel at five dollars, 33 cents for regular and five dollars, 38 cents for supreme.

Saturday Report

Surf is real small and torn up this morning. As you may be able to tell from the pictures below, the Giant Squid have once again washed up on our shores, as well as a plethora of large syringes, every one of them stamped with "Talega Medical Center of San Clemente". Specimens were collected by Ranger Ephriam with the assistance of Dr. Ralph and of course, the point's own mayor, Marshall Murphy. A large crowd gathered to observe, led by the Dewey Weber surf team, minus Dewey of course, all decked out in their matching red jackets.

Re-enactment of Talega Surf School seven-year old getting stuck.

The Webers watching the specimen collection.

Moon Phase