Thursday, August 31, 2006

Mother Nature

Is this an ordinary piece of wood , or did Mother Nature design something else into it?
You tell me.

What one sperm said to the other!

One sperm asked another "How far is it to the ovaries"?

The other sperm answered, "Relax, we just passed the tonsils"!

SanO Woody


I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

1. I do physical labor.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge head first into everything I do.
4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
5. I work in a damp environment.
6. I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation.
7. I work in high temperatures.
8. My work exposes me to diseases.

Management Responds

Dear Penis, After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the management denies your request for the following reasons:

1. You do not work 8 hours straight.
2. You work in short spurts and fall asleep after each brief work period.
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
4. You do not stay in your designated area, and are often seen visiting other locations.
5. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
7. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
8. You will retire long before you are 65.
9. You are unable to work double shifts.
10. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
11. You have constantly been seen entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely, The Management

5 Reasons Not To Be A Penis

1. You're bald your whole life.
2. You have a hole in your head.
3. Your neighbors are nuts.
4. The guy behind you is an ass hole and
5. Every time you get excited, you throw up and then faint.

Too many of those stand-up Laird Hamilton wannabee paddle guys on too few boards.

Now we know why he hasn't been at the beach. He's got some radio/golf gig back east!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

This is a camel

Well Grumpy, this photo at least has a camel toe.

As Requested

Ranger Ephriam

Tuesday, August 29, 2006


There is no water here for the camel, but it is defiantly an oasis.

Woman crashes when teaching dog to drive

SAN ONOFRE (AP) - A woman at San Onofre, the famous surfing beach north of San Diego, crashed her car while giving her dog, Boingo, a driving lesson on what is described as the primitive dirt road, the San Clemente Press Telegram reported Monday.

No injuries were reported although both vehicles were slightly damaged, it said.

The woman, identified only be her surname, Addams , said her dog "was fond of crouching on the steering wheel and often watched her drive," according to the witness, who also was only identified by his surname, Murphy .

"She thought she would let the dog 'have a try' while she operated the accelerator and brake," Murphy said. "They did not make it far before crashing into an oncoming car, driven, unfortunately for her, by an off duty ranger, identified only as "Ranger."

Murphy did not say what kind of dog or vehicles were involved but Ranger is reportedly seeking legal counsel to sue for repair costs.

Do you remember?

Lets take a walk down "Memory Lane"!

Park to Woo Customers with Roulette Game

SAN ONOFRE (Rueters) - California State Parks have long had a reputation for poor service but at least one is trying something new -- wooing customers with an opportunity to try their hand at Lady Luck.

A roulette wheel sits at the kiosk to the San Onofre Surfing Beach Park. A lucky spin and the customer wins free entrance.

"Using humans is impersonal and lacks communication," said a spokesman for the Park which is based in north San Diego county. "We wanted to add some fun."

The new service will start from September 13.

The roulette game is the Park's second shot at jazzing up its services. It launched a machine game last August, in which customers may win prizes of a free entrance or an annual pass.

"Our customers enjoy it very much," the spokesman said.

Follow up to the new airline restrictions post.

Monday, August 28, 2006

And now a public service announcement from the good folks at San-o Daze. (Click on the image to enlarge if necessary)


Contestent in the new Twins Lock-a-like contest!

Dingo Takes Gold at Mobile Phone Olympics

SAN ONOFRE, California (Rueters) - Anyone wanting to throw away their mobile phone can do it in style and may even win a medal -- at the Mobile Phone Throwing World Championship, San Onofre's latest contribution to offbeat athleticism.

Originally a small local event, the seventh annual contest Saturday drew some 100 throwers from as far away as Ojai, San Bernadino and Temecula.

Founder BK describes the event as a good source of light exercise with an environmentally friendly twist. "There are a lot of mobile phones on the second-hand market, and we are recycling them (before they become toxic waste)," he said.

This year's gold medal went to San Clemente's Dingo, who flung a scrapped Nokia unit a forceful 189 feet. "I prepared by throwing Talegans, I haven't really practiced throwing mobile phones," Dingo told Reuters.

In the freestyle event, Mayor Murphy's phone landed outside the designated area, but he still won silver thanks to a phone juggling performance that impressed the judges.

BK says competitors all have their favorite throwing brand. "People choose by size, by color or by how it fits in the hand ... Some believe a heavy model will ensure a long throw, some want a light one."

I'll have one of whatever he's drinking.

A closer inspection.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Saturday, August 26, 2006


A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses.

The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye.

The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters.

As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.

"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses."

"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."

Friday, August 25, 2006

The new fall styles are appearing at San Onofre.

The 11:45 freight at Trestles. I always wave at the crew and they always wave back.

Addams denounces new San Onofre dog law

San Clemente (UPI) - Wednesday Addams has condemned a new San Clemente law requiring all dogs to be muzzled at San Onofre State Beach, adopted this week after a pit bull attacked a toddler.

"I don't think a Yorkshire terrier or a lapdog constitute any great danger to the population," Addams, a former film star known for her animal rights activism, said in a statement published Friday in the daily Tribune de San Clemente newspaper.

"Unfortunately it's always the dogs paying the price for their masters' ignorance, irresponsibility and bad behavior," said Addams .

The new law, announced Monday, came after an 18-month-old girl was attacked by a pit bull at San Onofre Surf Beach, leaving the child badly disfigured. The law applies to the 40,000 daily dog visitors to the beach. Owners face fines if they are found in breach of the new law, including public caning and deportation.

"If I owned a dog in San Clemente I would simply ignore the law," said animal rights campaigner Tubesteak Tracy , who has worked with Addams to protect baby seals from Canadian hunters, having formerly starred together in several teenage beach movies in the 1960s. "To muzzle an animal amounts to mistreating it. It loses its dignity and its pride. It’s a matter of priorities. Are we going to protect our children from scars that can often be improved with only a few plastic surgeries, or are we going to harm the psyche of animals by muzzling them for the hours a day that they are at the beach? Dogs need exercise and need to relieve themselves somewhere. Do you want them shitting on the fifth green of your country club or on the treadmill at your gym? The dogs deserve this beach.”

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Raising a Ruckus and the Roof.

SAN CLEMENTE - Rick Collins said his children were shunned at the beach and the word "abortion" was splattered on his house when he added a second story.

Mayor Murphy said 10 gallons of human feces and rotting animal parts were thrown into his yard after he began circulating a petition to ban the addition of second stories in the Shorecliffs neighborhood.

The two are on opposite sides of a festering dispute in Shorecliffs that has pitted neighbor against neighbor, disrupted city government and spilled over into county Republican politics.

In many ways the Shorecliffs dispute, which may be headed for the ballot, is similar to view-protection and "mansionization" controversies in numerous California cities. Laguna Beach has protected the ocean views of residents for decades. Fountain Valley limited home expansion in April to halt mansionization and allay residents' fears that their homes would be dwarfed by massive reconstructions.

Both Collins and Murphy point the finger at their neighbors.

"They present us as greedy, but it's not true," said Collins, a leader of the faction favoring second-story additions. "I work with my neighbors, but we don't have to be nice. It's not the government's job to regulate this kind of dispute."

Murphy said a neighbor yelled at him in the street complaining about his opposition to second-story construction.

"It was right after they dumped in my yard," he said.

The second-story controversy brings out issues of ocean views, property values, property rights and respect for one's neighbors.

Shorecliffs was built in the early 1960s with remodeling restrictions.

In 1991, the community found that the restrictions were unenforceable. About 17 homes now have second stories erected that block neighbors' ocean views. The fight began in earnest about three years ago when one-story-home supporters started a petition drive to enlist help from City Hall.

To add fuel to the fire, certain Council Members have swayed back and forth on the issue.
The way things are now more homes go two story before the situation is resolved.

We Must Keep Grumpy Happy

A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.

Guy behind the counter asks, "Male or female?"

Customer says, "Female."

Counter guy asks, "Black or white?"

Customer says, "White."

Counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim?"

Customer says, "What the heck does religion have to do with it?"

Counter guy says, "The Muslim one blows itself up."

When meeting someone new at Trail 6, it is important to shake glands.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

The Strapless, Heaving, Revealing,

History of Boobs!

City Says Well Water Okay

This guy was spotted just north of the nuclear plant, right after I read in the paper that SONGS says that the radioactive tritium that they flushed out into the ocean won't cause any problems. I am always relieved when a business assures me that when they flushed radioactive tritium, untreated, into the ocean 75 yards from where people surf and fish, and didn’t tell anyone until after they were caught, that there is no reason to be concerned.

Let's Get Back On Track

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Gravitational Lensing

Galaxy cluster 1E 0657-56,  formed after the collision of two large clusters of galaxies
Galaxy cluster 1E 0657-56, formed after the collision of two large clusters of galaxies
Astronomers say they have proven the existence of dark matter, an elusive form of matter believed to be much more abundant in the universe than the ordinary matter we can see. Detection came when they observed two massive clusters of galaxies colliding. Until now, dark matter was just a hypothesis. It was first proposed more than 70 years ago to explain why some galaxies that moved through space at an unusually rapid speed did not fly apart. Scientists suggested that some unseen type of matter exerted enough gravitational pull to keep them together.

But University of Arizona astronomer Douglas Clowe says the notion of unseen matter has been discomforting.

"Astronomers have long been in the slightly embarrassing position of having to explain their observations using something that we didn't know actually existed," said Douglas Clowe.

But that has changed as the result of work Clowe and colleagues have done with the U.S. space agency's orbiting Chandra x-ray telescope. They have witnessed the collision of two massive clusters of galaxies, an impact so great that it has split normal and dark matter apart. This made it easier for them to detect dark matter by measuring its gravitational force apart from the gravity of the normal, observable matter in the stars and hot gases of the clusters.

"This provides the first direct proof that dark matter must exist and must make up the majority of the matter in the universe," he said.

The two galaxy clusters passed through each other at an incredible speed of 16 million kilometers per hour. As they did, the bulk of the luminous matter in the two clusters, which is in the form of hot gases, bumped into each other and slowed down. But the dark matter sailed ahead because it does not interact with normal matter the same way.

The researchers could tell the dark matter was there because the Hubble Space Telescope and large ground telescopes showed that its huge gravitational force bent light coming from distant objects behind it. This distortion, called gravitational lensing, magnified the objects, making them appear larger than if dark matter's gravity had been absent.

"The great news about this is that it is the once and for all the case that you can say dark matter does exist," said Sean Carroll.

Sean Carroll is a cosmologist at the University of Chicago who was not involved in the observations. He says particle physics laboratories around the world are trying to capture dark matter in an effort to determine its properties.

"So there absolutely is a new particle that physicists get to go out there and find," he said. "That's great news because it tells theorists what to think about - to think about models for dark matter - and experimentalists what to do to go out there and look for that particle."

Before this latest finding, some astronomers had proposed an alternative to dark matter. They suggested that ordinary matter's gravity might be stronger on the massive scale of galaxies and galaxy clusters. But Douglas Clowe says the new work shows that gravity's force is the same everywhere.

Those guys at bathroom #4 ain't so bad

When my old high school friend passed out drunk while in dock in Bangkok, his shipmates carried him to a tattoo parlor and he woke up with this. It's even worse when you know that the merman in the front is an exact likeness of him, right down to the bald head and wiskers.
This ones been floating around lately...

My mailbox is being flooded with mail concerning gas prices and illegal immigrants. To boycott oil companies or not; to provide amnesty to illegal immigrants or not, etc.

Since I have become jaded to the various solutions proposed by the Republicans, Democrats, Sierra Club, ACLU, etc., I have elected to solve the problems as they affect me. It solves both my gas and illegal immigrant problems.

I have hired illegal immigrants to push my car. They're plentiful and cheaper than buying gas. Then I pay them in pesos so they have to go home to spend it.

This guy passed out by bathroom #4. Seems like one of the mischievous locals had a little fun with the sun block.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Pier & Surfboard - You Provide The Story / Caption

Uh, what kind of gods are these again?

Wednesday, please organize a similar event at San Onofre to bring the surf up.

The real story behind the photo below.

SAN ONOFRE (Reuters) - A parade of 30 topless porn stars riding surfboards at San Onofre will go ahead, Rangers said Monday. Park officials gave the "Boobs on Boards" parade the green light, saying there was no legal reason to stop it despite concerns by Mayor Murphy that granting it a permit would add legitimacy to the event. The event, part of an "Erotica Expo" organized by local promotor Seymour McAllen, will proceed midday Monday. Rangers earlier said they did not regard the parade of leather-clad porn stars as indecent. "In the opinion of the rangers, given the standards of decency observed in this day and age, a female being topless in the surf on a weekday at San Onofre will not in itself constitute an indecent act," Ranger Hal Dairywimple wrote in a letter to Mayor Murphy on Sunday. However, the behavior of the participants during the parade might still attract the attention of Rangers, he warned

Please put the appropriate caption(s) in the comments section.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Man Uses Oar on Horse Riders

SAN CLEMENTE, Ca. (Rueters) - Authorities are investigating a bizarre incident in which a man, apparently angered by two horse riders along the road, allegedly went after them with an oar.

Michele Snowe, of Talega, said she and her daughter, Bryanna, were riding on the San Onofre Surf Beach dirt road Wednesday when Snow waved for a truck to slow down as it drove toward them.

Witnesses told park rangers the driver, Steve N. Rollo of Dana Point, waved back then skidded to a stop, grabbed a wooden oar and went after the riders. They galloped away as several other angry people headed for them.

Mayor Murphy, interviewed on the 7th tee, told the San Clemente Sun that horses are not allowed on that stretch of road, or in the park at all. "We have enough of a problem with people bringing their dogs and leaving droppings all over the beach. Now horse manure?"

"This park is designated as a 'surfing beach', not a horse beach or dog beach," the Mayor said. "It doesn't surprise me. Ever since they developed Talega, things have changed for the worse, more than ever before." the Mayor continued. "When people disrespect the park, sometimes the locals feel the need 'educate' them. It seems to me that was the case in this instance."

County Health Czar Dr. Ralph added that increased manure means increased risk for bacterial and viral infections if a person comes in contact with the material. "This should be a concern for all county parks where dog and horse manure accumulate."

Saturday, August 19, 2006

San Clemente officials order closing of well due to radiation leak at San Onofre.

Picture of creature at edge of City's well in August 2006 before well closure.

This believed to be a tritium induced mutated offspring from a white rhino that was released from Irvine's Lion County Safari. Former company officials recently admitted that they let loose almost 200 wild animals, rather than incur the cost of caring for them when they closed operations in 1984.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Here is a fine pair for Grumpy.

Prehistoric Mutations Discovered at San Onofre:

Tritium-laced groundwater discovered under retired San Onofre nuclear plant.

CARLSBAD ---- Small concentrations of tritium found last week in groundwater under the decommissioned Unit 1 reactor at San Onofre pose no threat to human safety or sea life, according to the plant's owners and the federal Nuclear Regulatory Commission.

"We do not see a threat to public health and safety because of the low level of concentration, but our concern is that it's in a place where it shouldn't be," said Victor Dricks, a spokesman for the commission, which regulates and monitors the nation's nuclear power plants.

Workers discovered higher-than-normal concentrations of tritium, a radioactive hydrogen isotope, on Aug. 17th while dismantling the containment building that housed the reactor, said Ray Golden, a spokesman with Southern California Edison. The reactor operated from 1968 to 1992. The utility owns 80 percent of the reactor and SDG&E owns the remaining 20 percent.

"They're looking for sources, but we're pretty sure it's from the reactor since tritium is a byproduct of nuclear fission," said Drick, adding that federal inspectors stationed at the plant are monitoring the demolition process.

Tritium occurs naturally in the environment and is a byproduct of nuclear reactions. It is used commercially in products such as luminous dials and exit signs.

As part of decommissioning work, workers drilled holes through the concrete floor of the building to test for radioactivity under the foundation, Golden said.

Two water samples taken on different days last week from two different locations under the plant showed concentrations of 50,000 picocuries and 330,000 picocuries per liter, Golden said. Radiation exposure during a chest X-ray is about 50,000 picocuries. Humans are exposed each year to about 1.8 million picocuries from man-made and naturally occurring radioactive sources, according to Golden's figures.

The Environmental Protection Agency, which monitors water quality, allows water with anything less than 20,000 picocuries per liter to be called drinking water, Golden said. California has a drinking water public health goal for less than 400 picocuries per liter, but the state regulation is 20,000 picocuries per liter.

"It's not a surprise that as we dismantle this plant that we've found radioactive materials," Golden said. "Our job is to measure those levels and have programs and take actions to remove them to licensed disposal sites in Mexico."

About 65 percent of the plant has been dismantled, including the reactor itself, as well as all piping and some concrete.

"It's not a leak," Golden said, "because there's nothing left to leak from."

The water under the reactor is naturally occurring groundwater, Golden said, and may have been under the plant for years.

The low-level concentrations fall below the reporting and disposal requirements of the Nuclear Regulatory Commission. However, the company has released about 10,000 gallons of the tritium-laced groundwater into the Pacific Ocean via a 1.5-mile outflow pipe, according to Golden. He said the tritium water was diluted with 1.6 million gallons of piped-in seawater before being released for further dilution in the open ocean. The plant sits about 200 yards from the ocean.

Similar releases from the two remaining reactors are common and are noted in reports to the commission, Dricks said.

Golden said there is no chance the radioactive groundwater might migrate into the drinking supply. The nearest residential development is two miles away uphill.

The one problem we have however is, we discovered some kind of prehistoric mutation. All we know for now is that they are flesh eating and are 12 to 15 feet long. They are so rare that the staff at near by Marine Institute, in Dana Point are completely baffled.

Workers at the plant only got a glimpse of the creatures as they swam out in the break water.
A spokesperson for the Marine Institute said, our only hope is to capture one of the creatures. That would at least allow us to identify it.

The above photo is a computer generated composite, based on information obtained from workers at the plant.

One-Question IQ Test

(Blatantly stolen from the Keeper)

There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now, if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?

Think about it first before looking in the comments for the answer...

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Dr. Ralph 'Grills' the Cat

SAN CLEMENTE, Ca. - This cool cat has traded in his catnip for some bling. Sebastian, a one-year-old Persian with long black hair, sports gold crowns on his two bottom canines, which grew sticking out from his lips in an underbite similar to a bulldog's.

His owner, Cinthia Mynayber, said she gave Sebastian gold crowns to help strengthen the fanged feline's teeth.
Mynayber said she was worried the unique canines would break off or become a problem.

Dr. Ralph, who performed the procedure, had this to say, "It's possible to work on animals the same way we do humans. I did it to strengthen (Sebastian's) teeth, but it had an excellent cosmetic result. The cat gets a lot of attention now. Everyone is tickled to death when they see him."

Sebastian's two gold teeth protruding from his furry face make him seem a little menacing, like a hip-hop star's guard-cat or a movie villain's pet. The feline didn't seem too happy with his new look at first.

"He's normally around me all the time," Steele said. "After I put the crowns on, he didn't 'speak' to me for two days."

Two weeks ago, Dr. Ralph tranquilized the cat at his San Clemente Spa and Animal Hospital so he could do the dentistry work, which took about 15 minutes to complete.

Dr. Ralph said putting gold crowns on teeth can be done for any pet with a dental problem.

"Mostly, though, it was a fun thing to do," he said. "I'm always up to something or trying something new."

Dr. Ralph said the cost for each gold tooth is about the same as for humans, or about $900 each.

Additions to the Family

This 2006 NASA montage of planetary images was taken by spacecraft managed by the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, California. From top to bottom: images of Mercury, Venus, Earth (and Moon), Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune. The solar system may soon be home to a dozen planets, with three new additions to the club and more to come, if astronomers meeting in San Clemente, Calif approve a new planetary definition. Dr. Ralph conference organizer has said. (AFP/NASA/File)

As organizer of the conference, I thought you needed to know this.
This Talega woman drives down to San Onofre and slams on the brakes as a dog runs across the road in front of her. Just as she regains her wits and gets ready to proceed, a surfer runs right in front of her and catches the dog by the hind legs and starts screwing it. "Oh my God!" she exclaims and drives into town to find the park ranger. She sees the Ranger's car parked in front of bathroom #4. "It figures", she says as she storms over to the ranger. The first thing she notices is Rusty sitting under the bamboo jacking-off. She runs up to the ranger who's sitting next to BK with his drink. "What kind of sick beach are you running here?! I drive into town and almost run over some surfer sodomising an animal... and then... I come in here.... and see that man jacking-off right in public!!!!??" "Well, ma'am", the Ranger slowly replies, "You don't expect him to catch a dog in his condition, do ya?"
Puttzle, Dr. Ralph and Sidney were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Sydney fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" Dr. Ralph chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" Puttzle said, "Hey, here comes the Marshall. Let's have a word with him." "Hi Murphy! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" Murphy replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. Puttzle said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." Dr,Ralph said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." Sydney said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Man Drinks Potion for Good Luck: Doesn't Get Any

SAN CLEMENTE, California (Rueters) - California's government warned people to be wary of fake medicine men offering cure-all miracle herb potions on Tuesday, after a bogus brew killed a man hoping to shake off a spell of bad luck.

Alternative medicine is popular throughout southern California, where newspapers are full of colorful ads from self-proclaimed "charmins" offering to improve anything from customers' luck to their ability to attract a mate.

The poisoning death of a man this week who hired the fake medicine man, identified only as Senor Wences, to improve his family's bad luck, led the government to warn people away from clandestine or street-corner practices, warning the potions used could kill or cause long-term illness.

"Avoid consuming brews made with herbs of questionable origin or hallucinogenic plants prepared by so-called Charmins," the county's Health Minister Dr. Ralph said in a statement. "Drink brews made from hops, barley and other cereal grains."

The ministry said that genuine Charmins from the north sometimes consumed natural hallucinogens such as the San Onofre cactus in their rituals, but did not administer them to patients.

Summer Yakers at DogPatch!

And we thought Old Mans and The Point was getting crowded!

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Another butt-boarder at Oldmans.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Border Cops Nab Cheese Smuggler

SAN DIEGO, California (Rueters) - Puzzled U.S. border police arrested a smuggler with 88 pounds of cheese hidden in a special compartment in his van, police said on Friday.

Customs and Border Protection spokesman Sheriff Bob said officers at the port of entry in San Ysidro, referred a 1972 Ford Econoline for a routine secondary examination on Wednesday.

Officers using an X-ray machine saw the outline of 16 bulky packages stashed in a secret compartment behind the seat, which they initially believed were packets containing illicit drugs.

"Generally if you see something (with the X-ray machine) you expect it to be narcotics, but this turned out to be cheese," Bob told Rueters by telephone.

Officers regularly impound drugs including marijuana, heroin and cocaine at border crossings from Mexico, although Bob said the smuggled cheese haul was unusual.

"It looks like it was destined for people who wanted a taste of the old country," he added.

Police arrested the unidentified driver, seized the cheese and confiscated the van because he failed to declare his cargo.

In 2003, the same man was arrested by border police who impounded nearly 800 pounds of bologna as it was being smuggled across the border from Mexico.
A female officer arrested the Mayor for drunk driving.

The female officer tells the Mayor, "Sir, you have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be held against you."

The Mayor replies, "Tits"

To quote Dr. Ralph, "YIKES!"

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Troubled times for Mayor Murphy

It seems Mayor Murphy has a little more than just speeding tickets to worry about.

A recent photo, provided by a local who wishes to remain anonymous, shows what sheriff deputies discovered in the passenger seat of the Mayors car when he was pulled over.

The same anonymous source said the Mayor kept muttering, I'm going to put a stop to the speeders at San Onofre once and for all.

Saturday, August 12, 2006


Answer: None, it should already be open by the time she brings it to you!


Question: How many men does it take to open a beer?

Mayor Gets 70 Speeding Tickets in 5 Months

SAN CLEMENTE, California (Rueters) - As a golfing retiree in San Clemente, Mayor Murphy is used to working with big numbers. It's the double-digit speed limits he has trouble with.

Murphy racked up 70 speeding tickets in the last five months, a record for the Orange County Sheriffs Department, Sheriff's spokesman Sheriff Bob said on Friday.

Speeding cameras in San Clemente, a suburb of Orange County, snapped pictures of the man as he tore through the sun-baked city in his Ford camper between March 2 and July 31.

"He told arresting deputies he was speeding because he seemed to be late for San Onofre gate opening or his tee times," Sheriff Bob told Rueters. "I guess he's got some time management issues."

The second-worst offender in the department's history accumulated a mere 25 tickets, Bob said.

Sheriffs said Murphy told them he threw his speeding tickets away because he thought nothing could happen to him if he didn't pay them.

Bob said Murphy faces some $11,000 in fines and could have his license suspended.

Friday, August 11, 2006

No Comment.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face.

"Mom, look, I'm a white boy." His mom slaps him in the face and says "Go show your father".

He goes to his dad in the living room and says "Look dad, I'm a white boy." His dad slaps him hard in the face and says "Go show your grandmother."

The boy goes in his grandmothers room and says "Mira, abuelita, I'm a white boy". His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother.

His mother says "See. Did you learn anything from that?"

To which the boy replies, "Sure did. I have only been white for five minutes and I already don't like you Mexicans."
A young woman had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the club house for help and to complain. Murphy saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, "Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?" "I was stung by a bee", she said. "Where", he asked. "Between the first and second hole", she replied. He nodded knowingly and said, "Then your stance is too wide..."

They're everywhere

Here is a page from the latest book I'm reading. The only problem is I don't understand any of it. Since most of the readers to this blog are highly educated, perhaps you can help translate?

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

These Condoms Won't Penetrate the Market

SAN CLEMENTE (Rueters) - Cultural watchdogs have banned a line of condoms whose name in Thai translates to "Good Penetration," saying the suggestive label could draw youngsters into having sex earlier, newspapers reported Tuesday.

The condoms are actually named "Tubesteak/Malibu" after the popular surfer/author/actor/dietary supplement advisor/t-shirt salesman, but Culture officials said this was inappropriate and offended good norms and Thai culture, the Daily Sun said.

"Although the name is not vulgar or rude, it is ambiguous, boastful and provocative," said Sydney Carton, Esq., spokesman for the Cultural Watch Center.

"It could entice excessive consumption and lure children and youths with little maturity to start having sexual activities before their appropriate age," he added.

Tubesteak, whose Thai name is Puntva Poomiprates, defended lending his stage name to the condom brand.

"You can't stop human desire, no matter how old they are, so it is better to protect them," Puntva told Reuters, adding that he had been telling his audiences about the risks of AIDS and unwanted pregnancy for years.

In San Clemente, condom producers have to seek approval from both the Health and Culture ministries.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006


The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains of Alaska for some sight-seeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Popemobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals,shorts, a "Save the Whales" hat, and a "To Hell with Bush" T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10 foot grizzly.

As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. *"I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic Environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true".

As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies "Who was that guy?"

"It was the Pope," another replied. *"He's in direct contact with heaven and has access to all wisdom."

"Well," the first logger said, "He may have access to all wisdom, but he sure doesn't know anything about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait holding up or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and snatch another one?"

(Thanks, S.)

X-Rated Riddles

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!

Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh" and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.

Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and ahusband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A . They don't have balls to scratch!

(thanks, T!)

Monday, August 07, 2006

Video from The blog monitor's camera?

This was sent to me. I don't know anything other than it looks like SanO and the guy who sent it in claims that he hacked into one of the The blog monitor's cameras to get it. You'll need your sound on.

I've watched it several times. It's like the famous Zapruder film. But, who fired the "shot?" The second guy from the left moves away from the first guy on the left, who seems to be the one laughing the most, all making #1 look like the culprit. On the other hand, the second guy from the left seems to do some sort of "ass shift" right in synch with the sound, and maybe he moves to get out of the fouled area. The third guy shifts his stance just after, and it is then that #2 moves away from the backside of #3, making #3 a suspect. The fourth guy from the left seems to look over at #3 and then down at #3's waist area, like #3 is the culprit. Who knows, maybe it was #4.

Stress relief

Stressed-out patrons can now unleash pent-up anger at a bar that lets customers attack staff, smash glasses and generally make a ruckus, the San Clemente Sun Post reported Monday.

Goodies Tavern, a local watering hole in San Clemente, employs 20 muscled young men as "models" for customers to punch and scream at.

"Customers can specify how they want the models to appear -- they can even appear as women -- and then they are free to give them a sound beating," the Sun Post said.

The bar charges from $10 to $40 for the pleasure.

If violence does not work, counselors -- students from near by universities -- are at hand to dispense advice, the newspaper quoted the owner of the bar, Sydney Carton, as saying.

Sydney said that since he has been providing this service, beginning in April, most of the patrons have been women, most of whom work in bars and restaurants in South Orange Co.

At least this paddle assisted craft stayed to the south. (Before it sank)


SAN CLEMENTE (Reuters) - A local scientist has been testing an "anti-stupidity" pill with encouraging results on fruit flies, but less encouraging results on Talegans, the San Clemente Sun newspaper reported Saturday.

It said Dr. Ralph, director at the Tubesteak Institute for Molecular Genetics in San Clemente, has tested a pill thwarting hyperactivity in certain brain nerve cells, helping stabilize short-term memory and improve attentiveness.

"With fruit flies we were able to eliminate the loss of short-term memory," Dr. Ralph, is quoted saying in the newspaper, which has dubbed it the "world's first anti-stupidity pill."

Testing results on Talegans were less encouraging. "They are tougher test subjects. The dose required to show effective improvement is more than triple the dose given to any other group." Dr. Ralph noted.

Dr. Ralph attributes the increased dosage to a cultural phenomena, claiming Talegans have an inordinate level of stupidity.

How many times must we say this?: Paddle assisted craft must go south of Dogpatch!

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Kill a bird for Castro

SAN CLEMENTE (Reuters) - The white dove looks warily at Dr. Ralph as he pulls it from a cage and holds it in his hands.

"I don't think he trusts me," Dr. Ralph says while he gently rubs the dove's feathers and spreads its wings for a visitor to admire. "I think he knows what's coming."

The bird has reason to be nervous, because the illness of Cuban leader Fidel Castro has moved adherents of Sangaria to appeal for divine help in hastening either Castro's demise or his recovery, depending on which side of San Clemente they live.

Sangaria is the voodooish religion that uses wine and animal sacrifice to communicate with the gods, which makes these tough times for favorite sacrificial creatures such as chickens, goats and, in this case, doves.

As many as 3 million people in Cuba and 60,000 people in Southern California are believed to be involved in Sangaria, according to religious experts.

Dr. Ralph said about 20 people a day are coming into his "botanica" in San Clemente's Little Havana section to buy birds, powders and jewelry for rituals in which they ask the gods to please finish off Castro so they can return home.

The white doves are most popular at the moment because, as traditional symbols of peace, their significance is as much political as religious.

"People want peace for Cuba," he said.

Unfortunately for the birds, which sell for $15 each, the price of peace includes their blood and feathers.

Sometimes, said Dr. Ralph, his customers prefer to just clean the birds and let them fly away. "Those are the lucky ones," he said.

While Dr. Ralph disagrees with the concept of asking gods to kill someone, even if it is the hated Castro, he does not question his customers' motivations.

"I need the money. I need the money," he shouted.

While Cuban-Americans in San Clemente beseeched the gods to kill Castro, in Cuba the same gods were asked to make him well.

"We are praying for him because it's a very painful situation for everyone," said babaloo Guillermo Diago in Havana.

Members of the Yorba Linda Cultural Association of California said they were collecting money to buy animals to sacrifice for Castro's health.

"Our position is to follow the plans of the gods, which are to understand and support the decisions taken by our maximum leader," the group said.

Sangaristas are not the only religious types preoccupied with Castro's future.

In San Clemente's Roman Catholic churches with heavily Cuban congregations, priests spoke about the events in Cuba and urged patience.

Shopkeeper Maria Vazquez, who sells toilet paper imprinted with Castro's image and T-shirts with anti-Castro messages, said, "We are praying every night that he is dead. It's probably not the Christian thing to do, but it is very human," said Vazquez, who fled Cuba with her family when Castro took power 47 years ago and longs to return.

Ohana Kemp Luau

The Ohana Kemp Surfboards 11th annual Luau at San Onofre was a great success again. Hats off to Dennis, Jody and Cody Kemp for feeding the masses and giving everyone a great time. Six beautiful surfboards built by Dennis were raffled off along with 100's of other great items. The surf was good most of the day and the sun was shining all day long. I would also like to say goodbye to Point Local Larry Cobb ( COBBO) Master shaper for Infinity Surfboards who is moving to Mexico. Sorry I missed your going away party Larry, but I was involved in the Luau and it was a very long day. My best to you and wife and look forward to your visits at The Point when you come up.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Anonymous performs the feat as requested by an earlier commenter.

San Onofre Surf Camp, 2006. Thats the instructor in the blue shirt.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Andy Rooney says

Why do certain parts of the anatomy continue to grow? While others do not. Take for instance my eye brows, they have been this long sense I was in my mid thirties or so. My ears and nose have gotten a lot bigger too.

I had surgery once, they shaved me from stem to stern. When all the hair grew back, it was the same length as far as I could tell.

My fingers,toes and feet have been the same size sense I was probable twenty one. I was six feet two back then, I think I am a little shorter now and probable weigh a little more too. My suite size is about the same, except for the waist size on my pants.

Can you imagine if certain other parts of the anatomy continued to grow? Things that I can't mention here without a lot of flack. It would be really cool at first, but by the time you were my age it might be a problem. You would have to get it trimmed surgically. It would be painful and cost a lot of money. Thank God that hasn't happened yet.

authored by: Dr. Ralph

The locals at play

The action off shore at Sano seems to be heating up along with the water temp.

Moon Phase