Sunday, December 30, 2007
'Mad About Everything'
'U.S. Military Secrets Revealed'
'Children Are Forbidden From Saying Anything Darndest'
'Matima Loves Chachi'
'Buffy The Slayer of Yankee Imperialist Dogs'
'Wheel of Fortune and Terror'
'Iraq''s Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers'
'The Price is Right If Saddam Says It''s Right'
'Veronica''s Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses'
'Two Guys, a Girl, and a Mosque'
'When Kurds Attack'
'Just Shoot Me'
'My Two Baghdads'
'Everybody Loves Saddam Or He''ll Have Them Shot'
'Captured Iranian Soldiers Say the Darndest Things'
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Last name: ________________
First name (check appropriate box):
Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
[_] Hair Dresser
[_] Dirty Politician
Spouse's Name: __________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: _________________________
3rd Spouse's Name: _________________________
Lover's Name: ____________________________
2nd Lover's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse:
[_] Sister [_] Aunt
Number of children living in household: ___
Number of children living in shed: ___
Number of children that are yours: ___
Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________
(If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?
Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks"
Puttzle went first. ''I hate it here. It is too hot and boring. I want to go home!''
'Okay,'' replied the genie. And off he went.
Then Dingo went. ''I miss my family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!''
And off he went.
The Mayor started crying and said, ''I wish my friends were back here!''"
A man is driving down the road and notices a car in the ditch. He doesn't usually help many people so he drives on by. Then he notices that a pretty woman is the driver so he goes back to help.
As he is hooking his truck to her car he says, “You know, you are the first pregnant woman I've ever helped out of a ditch.”
“But I'm not pregnant,” she says.
“Well, you're not out of the ditch yet,” he says."
Friday, December 28, 2007
Government also reports Bhutto died of injuries from hitting her head"
Thursday, December 27, 2007
1. Elvis is dead. 2. Jesus was not white. 3. Rap music is here to stay. 4. Kissing your pet is not cute or clean. 5. Skinny does not always equal sexy. 6. Thomas Jefferson had black children. 7. A 5 year old is too big for a stroller. 8. N'SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5. 9. An occasional BUTT whooping helps a child stay in line. 10. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.
10 Truths White and Black People know but Hispanic people won't admit
1. Hickeys are not attractive. 2. Chicken is food not a pet or a roommate. 3. Jesus is not a name for your son. 4. Your country flag is not a car decoration. 5. Maria is a name but not for every daughter. 6. 10 people to a car is considered too many. 7. 'Jump out and run' is not in any insurance policies. 8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement. 9. Mami & Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your family. 10. Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.
10 Truths white and Hispanic people know but Black people won't admit
1. O.J. did it. 2. Tupac is dead. 3. Teeth shouldn't be decorated. 4. Weddings should start on time. 5. Your pastor doesn't know everything. 6. Jesse Jackson will never be President. 7. Red is not a Kool Aid flavor, its a color. 8. Church does not require expensive clothes. 9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away. 10. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car...
Monday, December 24, 2007
Saturday, December 22, 2007
...Elijah gets towed-in to the monster river surfing wave known as "Tubesteak Wave" and then must be rescued before he is swept into the giant whirlpools directly behind the huge river surfing waves. Elijah Mack is the first and so far the only surfer to ride the "Tubesteak" wave.
Some angered by South County gang injunctions in San Clemente.
There is a 2.2 mile area where known and suspected gang members hail. The angry ones are gang members and there families. Could it be they are just to ignorant to understand the injunctions? I live within that 2.2 miles and I for one applaud the injunctions.
Friday, December 21, 2007
|UTC date and time of solstices and equinoxes|
The Ottawa Citizen said at least 10 nasty letters had been delivered to little girls and boys in Ottawa who wrote to Santa this year care of the North Pole, which has a special H0H 0H0 Canadian postal code. Return letters from Santa are in fact written by an 11,000-strong army of Canada Post employees and volunteers.
'We firmly believe there is just one rogue elf out there,' a Canada Post spokeswoman told the paper."
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
The stupid dog I adopted from the S.P.C.A. ain't right either. He got off his lease and ran to the park. By the time I huff and puff my back side up there behind him, he's already at it with a kid, who's dad starts yelling that I'm a child molester via canine proxy and the dog and me need to be registered as sex offenders! He starts hollering that he's going to hire Gloria Allred.
I tell him that it was an accident that he got off his leash and he says to me "Accident, Smaccident!" and takes a swing at me.
After the coroner leaves with Steves body the Mayor volunteers to tell Steve's wife the terrible news. Some two hours later the Mayor returns to the Old Man's with a six-pack of beer under his arm.
Dingo ask's the Mayor, where did you get the six-pack?
The Mayor replied, Steves wife gave it to me.
What! You just told her that Steve was killed by a shark and she gave you a six-pack?
Well , before I broke the news I asked her if she was Steves widow. And, she said she wasn't, so I said I'd bet her a six-pack she was!
Sad thing is, Dingo, Puttzle and the Mayor were given tickets for drinking beer on the beach by Officer Doug.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
The parents registered him as Friday in the city hall and a priest even baptised him as Friday.
When the boy was about five months old, a city hall clerk brought the odd name to the attention of a tribunal, which informed the couple of an administrative norm which bars parents from giving "ridiculous or shameful" first names to children. (So "Ruby Tuesday" or "Joe Friday" would have been okay I guess!).
The tribunal said it believed the name would hinder him from developing "serene interpersonal relationships."
The family appealed but lost their case.
The appeals court ruled against Friday because it recalled the servile savage in Daniel Defoe's novel Robinson Crusoe and because superstitious Italians consider Friday an unlucky day. full story here.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Friday, December 14, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Let's face it, going to any California traffic court is a pain. No one wants to waste their time at a place which makes you feel like you have no chance of winning. And that is EXACTLY what the courts wants you to think: it's far easier to pay the fine or take traffic school than to fight your ticket. In reality, they've set up the system, not for justice but for revenue, otherwise why would they make it so convenient to pay up?
Unfortunately, most drivers are completely unaware of their legal rights when they attend traffic court. That's why most unprepared drivers are quickly found guilty. Don't let this happen to you if you're holding a red light camera ticket! First of all, the photos are viewed by the private company that maintains the cameras,guilty looking photos are sent to local authorities. Alleged violators receive a citation in the mail, and must pay a hefty fine. This is unconstitutional, you have been denied the right to appear in front of your accuser.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his
life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
To die in the rain. Alone.
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white
washes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road and that was good enough.
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ........ reboot.
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
I invented the chicken!
Did I miss one?
Where's my gun?
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Friday, December 07, 2007
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
We have mentioned this many times here at San-O Daze and it is worth repeating. Surfing at San-O is extremely dangerous as there are many types of wildlife there besides the frequent Great Whites. Above is the aftermath of an alligator attack that took place this morning outside of bathroom #4. Be careful. Better yet, stay away.