Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Butt Patrol

San Onofre State Park, has had enough of careless smokers who dispose of their butts on the beach.

Coinciding with World No Tobacco Day Wednesday, a team of 30 plain-clothed rangers were prowling San Onofre surfing beach as part of an anti-smoking and litter crackdown.

Nicknamed by local media as "Butt Busters" and the "Butt Force," the rangers have been issuing fines of $45 for smokers who dump their butts on the beach instead of in designated bins.

The fine jumps to $200 for smokers who dump lit cigarettes.

Sheriff Bob, chief of the" Butt Buster" squad, said 45 smokers had been fined in the past week for indiscriminate cigarette littering.

He said more than 5,000 butts were discarded daily on the beach in 2005, many of which find their way into the lineup with the surfers.

"The new hardline approach, which we do not apologize for, is designed to reduce thousands of cigarette butts that are littered across the beach every day to the detriment of our wonderful waterways,"Sheriff Bob said in a statement.

Officials estimate that about one million butts were discarded inappropriately at San Onofre in 2005.

Some of those caught in the act were taking the fines on the chin, local media said.

"It's a dirty, rotten habit and I should've put it in the bin," the Sun Post newspaper quoted one unidentified puffer as saying.

May the Butt Force be with you.

Orange County Man in Women's Bathing Suit Arrested

SAN CLEMENTE, Ca. - A man wearing a purple women's bathing suit and carrying a flare gun was arrested after he told a bartender he was going to "get rid of all the dirt bags in San Onofre," authorities said.

BK, age unknown, was charged with carrying a concealed firearm Monday after he brandished the flare gun, which was under a skirt he was wearing, Orange County Sheriff's spokeswoman Sheriff Bob said.

The bartender, who was not identified, was working in the bar of The Red Fox, a popular San Clemente watering hole located on El Camino Real.

"He reported he had seen a man, later identified as BK, dancing in the street showing tourists his private parts, and asking people for money when they took his picture," the news release said.

The bartender said BK then approached him, telling him he was going to get rid of the surf park's "dirt bags" before displaying the gun, sheriffs said.

Police quickly located BK and found an orange 12-gauge flare gun in his possession, Bob said. He was transported to the Orange County detention center. It was not clear if he had a lawyer.

We all must look at this. Dr's orders. (see article below)

I'M SURE DR. RALPH HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS!

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Conception


In all likely hood, this is how anonymous people are conceived.

Could this be the real "Brownhole" mobile?

Travel


I have been a lot of places around this world. But I am really looking forward to my next trip!
The tip of South Africa.

Golf Fanatics Tackle San Onofre's Barren Dunes

SAN ONOFRE, Ca. (SOD/BA) - Mayor Murphy's tattered sandals and torn jeans don't match his pricey new Mizuno glove, but dress is not important at this home-made golf track on southern California's desert coast, an unlikely golf hotspot.

The 50-something-year-old part-time caddy practices with a classic swing as the first of a group of eight players tees off from a small rocky mound nearby. The nine-hole course dubbed the "West Side Club" has no greens or tees, water or grass. Stinging sand and gusts of wind whistle through a lone row of palm trees on the edge of the Dogpatch desert.

"I don't work, I just play golf everyday," says Murphy, one of thousands of retirees unable to find a permanent course in the southern California coastal area.

San Onofre, the world's oldest living surfing park, and the barren Gold Coast limit playing options in the former German colony that for decades was under the control of neighboring Mexico. The terrain also makes for tough golfing country, although this has not discouraged the West Side Club irregulars.

"I eat golf, dream golf, sleep golf, everything in my mind is golf," says Chick N. Neck, his excited eyes peering out from beneath a blue hat. "Sometimes I imagine myself as Ernie Els or Tiger Woods, I use my imagination and love it," he adds, clutching his Nike shirt.

Builder Bob, director of golf at the country club, said interest in golf was growing fast among San Onofre's youth. The development program at the course could not keep up with the new "wannabe" Woods. "There is definitely growing interest and we are trying to help with development as much as possible," he said.

Bob is the only golf professional offering coaching at San Onofre, but free golf balls and old sets of clubs are sent through to smaller towns, such as the port city of Dana Point.

South Orange County, with just over two million people, has been thrust into the spotlight with the surprise arrival of Hollywood stars Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie to have their first baby christened in the remote west coast region.

But Murphy and his friends show little interest in the film stars, preferring to dream of golf greatness as they perfect their skills on a course where the roughs are rougher than most. Murphy says he has played the informal desert track, next to the main road between San Onofre and the Edison Power Plant, for eight years.

He can play whenever he wants and there are no fees, unlike the nearby Shorecliffs club, one of only two courses for hundreds of yards where grass takes tentative hold amid the creeping urbanization.

There are only four grass courses in south Orange County, a county slightly smaller than France and Germany combined. The West Side Club has no grass but the frustrations of the game are as brutally real as on any golf course.

Cries of disapproval pierce the dry air as Neck tees up his ball just outside the imaginary line that separates the sand fairway from the equally sandy rough. Players aim for a shallow hand-dug hole in the ground almost invisible to newcomers, while scores are scratched onto a piece of cardboard.

The course's nine holes range from 110 yards on the par 3s to about 350 yards for a par 5, although the distances, after many years, remain an educated guess. The golfers carry their own tee pegs, an allowance for the state of the "fairways," and players scour the area for fear of losing their only ball.

Despite the obstacles, Murphy fashions a perfect draw. "I want to make a living out of it." he said.

The group's members share one set of second-hand clubs, mostly ones discarded by other golfers. The bag is worn down by the gritty sand and the sticks are a hodgepodge of makes and sizes.

Their second bag was stolen three months ago, while they were playing just a short sprint from the main west coast road and adjacent township.

"I know it's a rich man's game, but we just want to try," explains Murphy over the din of laughter as a 17-year-old novice burrows the Hippo driver into the sand, gently toppling the ball from the tee.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Communique From The blog monitor

San-O Daze is closed today in observance of Memorial Day. Come back tomorrow.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

The return of Dr. Ralph


I fell asleep the other night, watching an old South Park episode. The one where Kenny gets killed by the Russian space station ,that crashes to earth and smashes him.
Apparently this triggered a dream. In my dream ,I was walking along the beach. I stumbled on,what turned out to be a lamp. I figured it washed up from the ocean. I thought it might be a magic lamp, so I rubbed it and made three wishes.
The next thing I know! There are beautiful women everywhere , I have piles of money, and a very soar neck.

What causes dreams, anyway?

Many different theories, nothing for sure. According to the Freudian school, dreams are the result of subconscious thoughts and desires. The other extreme attributes dreams to random "noise" in the neurons without special meaning.
My understanding is that dreams are made out of many small parts of memory and imagination that get combined to form dream imagery. This is a process that runs both consciously and subconsciously. I don't know and leave to speculation the reason why this is so.

Open For Discussion

SIDNEY, Neb. - A judge said a 5-foot-1 man convicted of sexually assaulting a child, was too small to survive in prison, and gave him 10 years of probation instead. (Editor's note: He did this more than once!)

His crimes deserved a long sentence, District Judge Kristine Cecava said, but she worried that Richard W. Thompson, 50, would be especially imperiled by prison dangers.

"You are a sex offender, and you did it to a child," she said. But, she said, "That doesn't make you a hunter. You do not fit in that category."

Thompson will be electronically monitored the first four months of his probation, and he was told to never be alone with someone under age 18 or date or live with a woman whose children were under 18. Cecava also ordered Thompson to get rid of his pornography.

He faces 30 days of jail each year of his probation unless he follows its conditions closely.

"I want control of you until I know you have integrated change into your life," the judge told Thompson. "I truly hope that my bet on you being OK out in society is not misplaced."
SAN CLEMENTE, Ca. - A man waiting to be interrogated at the county jail drove off in the arresting officer's police cruiser, still wearing handcuffs, then bailed out and made a run for freedom, police said.

SANOMAN (nice name), age unknown, now faces charges of escape and resisting an officer, according to the Daily Sun.

When Orange County Sheriff officer Ed stepped out of his patrol car to find booking officer Sheriff Bob, SANOMAN (nice name) slipped into the driver's seat, and despite his handcuffs, drove the car out of the jail booking area.

Police said he drove a short distance, then abandoned the cruiser and ran on foot. He was recaptured after a short foot chase.


SANOMAN (nice name) was detained for questioning in The blog monitor case.
Pat Robertson says he leg-pressed 2,000 pounds.

Dr. Ralph Reborn?

BERLIN (Reuters) - A swan has fallen in love with a plastic swan-shaped paddle boat on a pond in the German town of Muenster and has spent the past three weeks flirting with the vessel five times its size, a sailing instructor said Friday. (Editor's note: Think Friday night poker party)

Peter Overschmidt, who operates a sailing school and rents the two-seat paddle boat on the Aasee pond, said the black swan with a bright red beak has not left the white swan boat's side since it flew in one day in early May. (Editor's note: Who flew? The bird or the boat?)

"It seems like he's fallen in love," said Overschmidt. "He protects it, sits next to it all the time and chases away any sail boats that get anywhere nearby. He thinks the boat is a strong and attractive swan."

Overschmidt said the swan will figure it out sooner or later but hopes he won't be too heartbroken.

"I'll wish him all the best and hope that he doesn't make the same mistake again," said Overschmidt."

Saturday, May 27, 2006


The Mayor's new dogs he received over the weekend from Dingo.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Paul Harvey's Three Solutions

You gotta like it, the simplest solutions are usually the best…

1. Dig a moat along the Mexican border...
2. Use all the dirt from the moat to build levees around New Orleans...
3. Then take all the alligators from Florida and put them in the moat.

Well, okay!

Honor Guard escorting Dr. Ralph's body on it's arrival in Washington, D.C., where it will be interred at the National Cemetery.

(Thanks to The Keeper)

Drralph the "shark whisperer" in his glory days. Ironically, he would meet his demise from a couple of blond haired genies.

In this photo provided by Marine Institute. Dingo,( interning for the recently deceased Dr. Ralph), director of the Marine Institute Laboratory center for shark research in Dana Point Ca., examines a great hammer head shark that was caught near Dana Point Ca. Tuesday, May 23. 2006. Mayor Murphy, of San Clemente Ca. , landed the hammer head Tuesday, after fighting it for nearly six hours. The shark measured 14 feet, 6 inches, and preliminary weighed in at 1,280 pounds.(AP Photo/.Dana Point Marine Institute)
Drralph is walking along a beach at The Point when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. Drralph makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear. The next thing Drralph knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $1,000 bills. Then, there's a knock at the door. He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead. As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods; it's the two blonde genies. One blonde genie says to the other one," I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire, but why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me.

Morning surf check.

LIST OF SENATORS WHO REPRESENT MEXICO

YEAs ---62 Akaka (D-HI) Baucus (D-MT) Bayh (D-IN) Bennett (R-UT) Biden (D-DE) Bingaman (D-NM) Boxer (D-CA) Brownback (R-KS) Cantwell (D-WA) Carper (D-DE) Chafee (R-RI) Clinton (D-NY) Coleman (R-MN) Collins (R-ME) Conrad (D-ND) Craig (R-ID) Dayton (D-MN) DeWine (R-OH) Dodd (D-CT) Domenici (R-NM) Durbin (D-IL) Feingold (D-WI) Feinstein (D-CA) Frist (R-TN) Graham (R-SC) Gregg (R-NH) Hagel (R-NE) Harkin (D-IA) Inouye (D-HI) Jeffords (I-VT) Johnson (D-SD) Kennedy (D-MA) Kerry (D-MA) Kohl (D-WI) Landrieu (D-LA) Lautenberg (D-NJ) Leahy (D-VT) Levin (D-MI) Lieberman (D-CT) Lincoln (D-AR) Lugar (R-IN) Martinez (R-FL) McCain (R-AZ) McConnell (R-KY) Menendez (D-NJ) Mikulski (D-MD) Murkowski (R-AK) Murray (D-WA) Nelson (D-FL) Obama (D-IL) Pryor (D-AR) Reed (D-RI) Reid (D-NV) Sarbanes (D-MD) Schumer (D-NY) Smith (R-OR) Snowe (R-ME) Specter (R-PA) Stevens (R-AK) Voinovich (R-OH) Warner (R-VA) Wyden (D-OR)

COURAGEOUS SENATORS WHO STOOD UP AGAINST POWERFUL FORCES AND VOTED AGAINST THE S. 2611 AMNESTY. HERE ARE 4 DEMOCRATS WHO BUCKED THEIR ENTIRE PARTY LEADERSHIP. AND THE 32 REPUBLICANS WHO TURNED THEIR BACKS ON A FULL-COURT-PRESS APPEAL FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THEIR OWN PARTY AND FROM THE U.S. CHAMBER OF COMMERCE BACKBONE OF THEIR PARTY. NAYs ---36 Alexander (R-TN) Allard (R-CO) Allen (R-VA) Bond (R-MO) Bunning (R-KY) Burns (R-MT) Burr (R-NC) Byrd (D-WV) Chambliss (R-GA) Coburn (R-OK) Cochran (R-MS) Cornyn (R-TX) Crapo (R-ID) DeMint (R-SC) Dole (R-NC) Dorgan (D-ND) Ensign (R-NV) Enzi (R-WY) Grassley (R-IA) Hatch (R-UT) Hutchison (R-TX) Inhofe (R-OK) Isakson (R-GA) Kyl (R-AZ) Lott (R-MS) Nelson (D-NE) Roberts (R-KS) Santorum (R-PA) Sessions (R-AL) Shelby (R-AL) Stabenow (D-MI) Sununu (R-NH) Talent (R-MO) Thomas (R-WY) Thune (R-SD) Vitter (R-LA) Not Voting - 2 Rockefeller (D-WV) -- recovering from back surgery Salazar (D-CO)

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Two Arabs boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, Drralph, returning from a conference, sat down in the aisle seat.
After takeoff, Drralph kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I need to get up and get a coke." "Don't get up," said Drralph, "I'm in the aisle seat, I'll get it for you."
As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up Drralph's shoe and spat in it. When Drralph returned with the coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good, I'd really like one, too." Again, the ever accomidating Drralph obligingly went to fetch it.
While he was gone the other Arab picked up Drralph's other shoe and spat in it. When Drralph returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, Drralph slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
"Why does it have to be this way?" he asked. "How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"

The Evolution Of Dance

A pretty funny time waster...

DEADLY SPIDERS INVADE SAN ONOFRE


Last week this poor guy was eating his lunch in the shade of the bamboo at Oldmans. Having just bit into his pastrami on rye, a spider drops out of the bamboo and lands on his thumb. As he goes to brush it off, it bites him. At first he thinks nothing of it. Then the deadly progression of the poison takes effect as can be seen in the photos. The hand was later amputated. Parents! KEEP YOUR KIDS OUT OF THE BAMBOO!
A surfer, on his way home from San Onofre, came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this seems much worse than usual". He notices a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars, so he rolls down his window and asks, "Officer, what's the hold up?" The officer replies, "Vicente Fox is depressed, so he stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says hes upset about the US threatening to strengthen its borders and crack down on illegals. So we're taking up a collection for him". The surfer asks, "How much have you got so far?" The officer replies "About 40 gallons, but a lot of folks are still siphoning."

Its so nice to have blue skies again!

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Brain scan



This is addressed to the blog monkey specifically. The above scan is that of an abnormal brain. The scan above that is of an, essentially normal brain. Yours is the one highlighted in shades of blue. You are beyond help.

Venezuela Dictator Vows To Bring Down U.S. Government

The Venezuela government is sole owner of Citgo gasoline company

Venezuela Dictator Hugo Chavez has vowed to bring down the U.S. government. Chavez, president of Venezuela, told a TV audience: "Enough of imperialist aggression; we must tell the world: down with the U.S. empire. We have to bury imperialism this century."

The guest on his television program, beamed across Venezuela, was Cindy Sheehan, the antiwar activist. Chavez recently had as his guest Harry Belafonte, who called President Bush "the greatest terrorist in the world."

Chavez is pushing a socialist revolution and has a close alliance with Cuban dictator Fidel Castro.

Regardless of your feelings about the war in Iraq, the issue here is that we have a socialist dictator vowing to bring down the government of the U.S. and he is using our money to achieve his goal!

The Venezuela government, run by dictator Chavez, is the sole owner of Citgo gas company. Sales of products at Citgo stations send money back to Chavez to help him in his vow to bring down our government.

Take Action. Please decide that you will not be shopping at a Citgo station. Why should U.S. citizens who love freedom be financing a dictator who has vowed to take down our government?

YOU CAN VERIFY THIS ON THE CITGO WEB PAGE.

(Thanks martha's mom!)

Meanwhile in California...

It is, forgive us, a textbook lesson in political meddling. State Sen. Sheila Kuehl (D-Santa Monica) has introduced a bill, SB 1437, that would require California textbooks to tell the stories of the contributions made to history by gays and lesbians. If we didn't know any better, we'd say that Kuehl, a talented legislator who was the first openly gay member of the Legislature, was trying to write herself into the history books.

Under her proposal, textbooks would have to "accurately portray in an age-appropriate manner the cultural, racial, gender and sexual orientation diversity of our society." They also would have to include "the contributions of people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender to the total development of California and the United States."

It's a twisting of what history textbooks are supposed to do: tell about the most important contributions, and misdeeds, of people in history, regardless of their beliefs and orientations.

Instead, under Kuehl's proposal, books would recount history in part through a gay and lesbian prism. This is as misguided in its way as the state Board of Education in Texas two years ago insisting that middle-school textbooks define marriage as the "lifelong union between a husband and wife," which, aside from its anti-gay slant, chose to ignore the existence of divorce.

California already has among the strongest social studies curriculums in the nation and is considered a model for its balanced and comprehensive approach to history lessons. The state also has an 18-member curriculum commission — made up of educators, subject experts and even a couple of politicians — that sets standards for textbooks and reviews them before they're adopted by the state school board. The commission makes mistakes, but the process it follows is thoughtful and deliberate

The commission should be allowed to do its job without interference from legislators. And Kuehl should return to the kind of worthwhile legislation, on such issues as family leave, for which she is justly known.

(LA Times editorial, May 9, 2006)

...And Down Under...

Muslims who want to live under Islamic Sharia law were told on Wednesday to get out of Australia, as the government targeted radicals in a bid to head off potential terror attacks.

A day after a group of mainstream Muslim leaders pledged loyalty to Australia at a special meeting with Prime Minister John Howard, he and his ministers made it clear that extremists would face a crackdown.

Treasurer Peter Costello, seen as heir apparent to Howard, hinted that some radical clerics could be asked to leave the country if they did not accept that Australia was a secular state and its laws were made by parliament.

"If those are not your values, if you want a country which has Sharia law or a theocratic state, then Australia is not for you," he said on national television.

"I'd be saying to clerics who are teaching that there are two laws governing people in Australia, one the Australian law and another the Islamic law, that is false. If you can't agree with parliamentary law, independent courts, democracy, and would prefer Sharia law and have the opportunity to go to another country, which practices it, perhaps, then that's a better option," Costello said.

Asked whether he meant radical clerics would be forced to leave, he said those with dual citizenship could possibly be asked to move to the other country.

Education Minister Brendan Nelson later told reporters that Muslims who did not want to accept local values should "clear off".

"Basically, people who don't want to be Australians, and they don't want to live by Australian values and understand them, well then they can basically clear off," he said. Separately, Howard angered some Australian Muslims on Wednesday by saying he supported spy agencies monitoring the nation's mosques.

Immigrants, not Australians, must adapt. Take It Or Leave It. We are tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians.

However, the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the "politically correct" crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others. I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to Australia.

However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand.

This idea of Australia being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity. As Australians, we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle.

This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom.

We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, Learn the language!

Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing, political push, but a fact because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, Because God is part of our culture.

We will accept your beliefs and will not question why, all we ask is that you accept ours and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us.

If the Southern Cross offends you, or you don't like "A Fair Go", then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet. We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don't care how you did things where you came from. By all means keep your culture but do not force it on others.

This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom, "THE RIGHT TO LEAVE".

If you aren't happy here then LEAVE. We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted.

(Mahalos to Team Leo's #1 Rider)

Tuesday, May 23, 2006


Barbaro, feeling much better today.Waxed up his board, and got some fun little waves at Old Mans.

Now he's gone too far!

The "Blog Monitor" monitoring the Dogpatch area.

UPS To Replace Fleet


La Puente, California (AP) - UPS officials unveiled the new look trucks (see photo) they are adding to their fleet of delivery vehicles.

"We figured a double-duty approach was in our best interests," UPS CEO Jonas Jones said. "With all the illegal immigration, selling tacos during the delivery process is just good business, and now the drivers can eat for free. This will allow us to close our company cafeteria and open up a bigger executive dining area."

UPS has begun phasing out the familiar brown vehicles and plans on a complete turnover of fleet within the next few months.

"The big brown trucks were our identity, but the times are changing and we need to keep up with the Jose's." added Jones. "Having a brightly painted truck with mariachi music blaring from the roof mounted speakers will give us the largest exposure to the taco buying public."

UPS is now quoting delivery times as "Manana".

Zoo apes have taste for red wine

San Clemente (Reuters) - Monkeys and apes in San Clemente's Zoo drink their way through 55 gallons of red wine each year, albeit in small quantities each day, to help boost their red blood cells, the zoo said Monday.

San Clemente Zoo spokesman Dr. Ralph said it was the 11 anthropoid apes who drank most of the wine in 2005. "Obviously, they do not have it all at once and get drunk, but they get it in small amounts mixed in their tea," Dr. Ralph said.

"And it's not Bulls Blood or some expensive wine that they are getting but simple table wine such as Red Mountain, as it's mainly good for their blood cells." Bulls Blood wine from the Talega area in southern Orange County, became one of eastern Europe's best-known wines under communism.

"I keep the Bulls Blood for myself, but only for medicinal purposes," added Dr. Ralph.

Zookeeper Murphy isn't so keen on the wine drinking apes. "Once they get a round or two in them, you really have to watch your back. These animals get real amourous when intoxicated and look for whatever or whoever is available to mate with. I've had more than one close call. One time I was bent over picking up some dung, when all of a sudden this hairy hand grabbed me. I was able to twist free and escaped out the enclosure door, literally running for my life!" he said.

PETA spokesman H. Pan Aman said protests are planned in the upcoming weeks and urges any concerned citizens to join the demonstration. "These animals are the closest relatives we have on the planet. We feel strongly that they should be allowed to share the Bulls Blood with Dr. Ralph, instead of being forced to imbibe that foul table wine."

The San Diego freeway today!

The San Diego freeway before the illegals arrived!

MEET "THE BLOG MONITOR"


He sees all at San Onofre.

MORE RESULTS FROM THE "DAY WITHOUT ILLEGALS"

Spray paint sales were down 8%
Spray paint theft was down 97%
Shoplifting was down 83%
Murders were down 79%
Auto theft was down 88%
Jail cells were empty in many cities leading to extra days off for the policemen.
Prisons were running at only 40% capacity and thousands of prison guards were laid off across the country.
There were no reports of any muggings on buses or subways.
There were no reports of any traffic accidents where drivers got out of stolen cars and tried to run away.
Many stores that sold chrome wheels for cars had to close because of slow sales.
People were able to come and go at Home Depots across the country without several illegal aliens crowding around their cars.
City workers that paint over graffiti in several major cities were asked to take the day off because of no work to do.
With no vandalism at city parks, workers had time to plant new trees and flowers for the first time in many years.
Hospital emergency rooms were available once again for paying legal citizens.
Teachers in several schools across the country were able to get more done teaching in English only.

Break In The Case?

San Onofre (SOD/BOD) - After detaining and questioning SANOMAN (nice name) yesterday, authorities announced that he is not The blog monitor. Upon SANOMAN's (nice name) release, Orange County Sheriff's spokesman Sheriff Bob had this to say, "We interrogated SANOMAN (nice name) for an extended period of time and during that process he implicated Stephan Rollo of Dana Point, a person previously questioned and released in the case. We are looking into filing aiding and abetting charges against SANOMAN (nice name) in the near future."

"At first, SANOMAN (nice name) steadfastly denied any knowledge of The blog monitor's identity, but after repeated questioning by lead detective Ocifer K., finally broke and implicated Mr. Rollo," said Sheriff Bob in his statement. "We have no idea where he is now and all efforts are being made to locate Mr. Rollo and bring him in for another round of interrogation."

"SANOMAN (nice name) was a tough cookie and would not cooperate with us until he received a cup of coffee. We tricked him and gave him decaf. That made all the difference in the world and he quickly gave us the information we were trying to get," Ocifer K. said. "Our task force has grown with the addition of Officer Ed and we feel confident we will locate the perpetrator."

Mr. Rollo's lawyer, Panaman, said authorities had unjustly targeted his client. "It's just a big witch hunt, kind of like our army invading Iraq in search of Weapons of Mass Destruction. My client is completely innocent and knows nothing about this "The blog monitor" thing." When asked why his client had implicated Mr. Rollo, Panaman had this to say, "SANOMAN (nice name) had had enough and after getting decaf instead of regular, told them what they wanted to hear. It's totally bogus."

Anyone with knowledge of Rollo's whereabouts is asked to call the Orange County Sheriff's hotline at (715) 555-OCSD.
Two Al Qaeda spies meet in a busy restaurant after they had successfully slipped into the U.S.

The first spy starts speaking in Arabic. The second spy shushes him quickly and whispers: "Don't blow our cover. You're in America now...Speak Spanish."
The solution to the illegal alien problem. Click here! Any resemblance to Tubesteak is purely coincidental.

Remember, its "ride your bike to work week".

Dr. Dolittle and his daily surf check.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Blog

What is a blog? Perhaps a journal of sorts! Daily comments of various accounts by whoever, about whatever.
Maybe it is like a dart board. Everyone has a handful of darts. Some are ground with the precision of a surgical tool. Others are ground with sand paper. While yet some are ground by scrapping them on the concrete to obtain a point. Still others have a rubber tip. Never the less there is a point.
So a precision ground dart is thrown at the board, but from a misguided hand. So it strikes somewhere around the outer edge of the board.
Here comes another dart, ground with sandpaper. How ever it is thrown with a bit more precision, so it strikes closer to the center of the board.
Here comes yet another dart, the one that was ground to a point on concrete. It was thrown by a very accurate hand and it strikes the center of the board.
Here comes another dart, you know the one with the rubber tip. It is thrown with the highest degree of accuracy, so it too strikes the center of the board. But it lacks ridgidness, so it falls aimlessly to the ground.
Now, you ask what the heck is the point of all this? Quite simply, keep gathering up your darts and letting them fly. You might even let the entire handful go once in awhile. One of them might even hit the center of the board.
Never the less, it is all in good or healthy fun.

I Told You Dr. Ralph Was Busy!


Lexington, Kentucky (SOD/BOD) - Above is a handout image of radiograph (side view) of Kentucky Derby champion Barbaro, made following a surgery at the George D. Widener Hospital for Large Animals at the University of Pennsylvania's New Bolton Center May 21, 2006. The life of Barbaro hung in the balance after a delicate operation by Dr. Ralph on Sunday to repair a life-threatening leg fracture suffered in the Preakness Stakes. The colt survived the surgery at the University of Pennsylvania's New Bolton Center for Large Animals in Kennett Square, Pa., and was in his stall, officials said

Is He The blog monitor?

San Onofre (SOSCBOD) - Authorities today were scouring the South Orange County area looking for a man identified as "SANOMAN" (nice name) for questioning in the San-O Daze The blog monitor hacking case.

In a press conference hastily arranged to break the news, Orange County Sheriff spokesman Sheriff Bob said, "He is a person of interest and may have knowledge as to the identity of The blog monitor. He is well known to the aggrieved parties and unless he has fled the country, should not be hard to locate."

His name surfaced after members of San-O Daze were questioned by detectives after San-O Daze was once again invaded over the weekend by the hacker known as "The blog monitor". The Orange County Sheriff's Office promised to throw more resources into the investigation. Ocifer K. will remain the lead investigator.

"According to Puttzle, SANOMAN (nice name) was once a member of the blog but was kicked out for continued yelling and an inadequate number of articles," said Sheriff Bob when pressed for details by the assembled press.

Dingo, who along with Murphy attended the event, mentioned noticing signs that SANOMAN (nice name) had been around. "Every now and then someone would comment in all capital letters, which in the computer world is considered yelling. That's why we fired him in the first place!" he said. "Lately the number of those type comments has increased and we even saw a couple that he actually signed "SANOMAN" (nice name)."

"I'll break that a-hole's neck if I get my hands on him," a furious red-faced Murphy intoned. "What a jerk! He's really pissing people off, though not as much as me and Mr. initials P.A."

Puttzle attended the news conference via telephone from his out-of-state home and had this to say, "I really don't think he is The blog monitor, He didn't have the computer expertise I would expect from a hacker. I don't think he knew how to work the caps lock on his keyboard and that's why he was always 'yelling'. He was pretty angry about getting removed from San-O Daze, so he may have found an accomplice."

Dr. Ralph was performing surgery and was unavailable for comment.

The State put up some new signs at trail 6.
Good Morning! Did anything happen here over the weekend while I was gone?

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Saturday, May 20, 2006

You dropped a bomb on me!

Once again I see our illustrious friend The Blog Monitor is at it! Has anyone noticed the title of the blog? Insane-O Daze? It seems this guy could possibly make us or break us. Maybe Puttzle, Dingo, Drralph and myself should try and convince mister The Blog Monitor to join us if we can ever find him. Hell what I'm I talking about, he has joined us he has proven time and time again what he is capable of doing. The only question I have for him is: What the heck is this Lesson 1 2 & 3 crap all about. Come to think about it, its pissing me off again, his mind must be so twisted I don't think we could trust him to behave himself. So listen up mister THE BLOG MONITOR:

Lesson 1: Our internationally beloved unt Puttzle wiil find you.

Lesson 2: You can hack, but you can't hide.

Lesson 3: "I don't believe you want to get up and dance" The Gap Band

"MURPHY"

Friday, May 19, 2006


(Thanks to my friend 'T')
For a personal message from The blog monitor, click here.

From the office of The blog monitor

Lesson 1: I'm baaaaccckkkk.

Lesson 2: The blog monitor knows a lot more than people think.

Lesson 3: Keep your opinions to yourself.

Discussion is now encouraged.
We at San-O Daze are proud to announce that our own Dingo has struck a deal with the Toro Corporation to distribute and sell his signature line of loaders. Congratulations, Dingo!

Interesting thing it is. You google Dr. Ralph and do an image search and this guy pops up. The likeness is uncanny!

BOYCOTT RESULTS


On May 1st, as a result of the Mexican boycott, national retailers
reported 4.2% lower sales for the day, with a 67.8% reduction in
shoplifting.

The Brownhole mobile?

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Hard at work


This is just another Sunday at Dingo' house.

It seems the enterprizing illegals are using push boats and charging their fellow countrymen for shuttle service from the swamp at Church, to the stagging area up San Mateo Creek.

When the President goes to Mexico to see his business partner El Presidente' Fox, he always takes his limo!

Cheney Named New Border Chief


Vice President Cheney shows off New Border Patrol Uniform

Washington D.C (AP) - President Bush today named Vice President Dick Cheney to head the New Border Patrol. In an impromtu news conference at his Crawford, Texas ranch, President Bush and Vice President/NBP Head Cheney vowed to take "back our borders" with a massive show of force.

"I believe Dick Cheney to be the best choice for this position. After all, he's a crack shot with the rifle," Bush told reporters. The President said that although Mr. Cheney's horse experience is limited to the Indiana State Fair Pony rides (where he worked as a young boy), he would personally "show Dick the ropes of riding" in exchange for shooting lessons.

Mr. Cheney arrived at the press conference on horseback and modeled the new uniform that the New Border Patrol officers will don while on duty. "It's meant to be as non-threatening as possible to the illegal immigrant and will allow us to 'blend in with the scenery'," according to Cheney. Agents will patrol on horseback as well. "With the price of gas nowadays, it's cheaper to buy oats, and horses can get to many more places than a vehicle can." Cheney said.

Under the NAFTA trade agreement, the uniforms will be produced at Tijuana factories owned by Halliburton. "We hope that by having the uniforms manufactured in Mexico, it will create jobs and opportunities for Mexican citizens in their own country." President Bush mentioned in his speech.

Keeping You Informed

San Clemente (Reuters) - A local man, identified only as "BK", left his friend as a deposit at a gas station because he did not have enough cash to pay for his gas, authorities said Wednesday.

"He didn't have enough money to pay the bill, so his friend stayed behind as a human deposit while he went to withdraw cash," said Sheriff Bob, spokesman for the sheriff's office in the Southern California County of Orange. "Unfortunately, the man did not return."

Two hours after the driver left, the gas station called the police, who interrogated the stranded "deposit", before releasing him. Police are investigating the driver on suspicion of fraud.


It's so nice to see the Oldmans wind indicator up and working again.
Fresh summer fruits are here and at a store near you!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006


The morning after another one of those wild drralph parties!

Tuesday, May 16, 2006



Why it is important to learn English when you live in the United States.
I received this via email ...

I spent five years working in Mexico. I worked under a tourist visa for three months and could legally renew it for three more months. After that you were working illegally. I was technically illegal for three weeks waiting on the FM3 (permanent work visa) approval.

During that six months our Mexican and US Attorneys were working to secure a FM3. It was in addition to my US passport that I had to show each time I entered and left the country of Mexico. My wife's was the same except hers did not permit her to work.

To apply for the FM3 I needed to submit the following notarized originals (not copies) of my:
1. Birth certificates for Barbara and me.
2. Marriage certificate.
3. High school transcripts and proof of graduation.
4. College transcripts for every college I attended and proof of graduation.
5. Two letters of recommendation from supervisors I had worked for at least one year.
6. A letter from The St.. Louis Chief of Police indicating I had no arrest record in the US and no outstanding warrants and was "a citizen in good standing."

Read this and remember that we in America have most automated phone systems in Spanish, most product instructions in Spanish, a half dozen TV and many more radio stations in Spanish and we have over 11 million ILLEGAL Mexicans and other Spanish background people using up our resources while not bothering to LEARN ENGLISH, learn about our heritage or become citizens. Think about it and compare it to trying to work in Mexico where an American cannot own land, house, etc. What government is the dummy here? We need to return to controlled entry again as we had in the recent past. Maybe not Ellis Island, but surely quotas, screenings, requirements, limits, etc.

7. Finally; I had to write a letter about myself that clearly stated why there was no Mexican citizen with my skills and why my skills were important to Mexico. We called it our "I am the greatest person on earth" letter. It was fun to write.

All of the above items were in English that had to be translated into Spanish and be certified as legal translations and our signatures notarized. It produced a folder about 1.5 inches thick with English on the left side and Spanish on the right. Once they were completed, my wife and I spent about five hours accompanied by a Mexican attorney touring Mexican government office locations and being photographed and fingerprinted at least three times. At each location(and we remember at least four locations) we were instructed on Mexican tax, labor, housing, and criminal law and that we were required to obey their laws or face the consequences. We could not protest any of the government's actions or we would be committing a felony. We paid out four thousand dollars in fees and bribes to complete the process. When this was done we could legally bring in our household goods that were held by US Customs in Loredo, Texas. This meant we rented furniture in Mexico while awaiting our goods. There were extensive fees involved here that the company paid. We could not buy a home and were required to rent at very high rates and under contract and compliance with Mexican law. We were required to get a Mexican drivers license.

This was an amazing process. The company arranged for the licensing agency to come to our headquarters location with their photography and finger print equipment and the laminating machine. We showed our US license, were photographed and fingerprinted again and issued the license instantly after paying out a six dollar fee. We did not take a written or driving test and never received instructions on the rules of the road. Our only instruction was never give a policeman your license if stopped and asked. We were instructed to hold it against the inside window away from his grasp. If he got his hands on it you would have to pay ransom to get it back. We then had to pay and file Mexican income tax annually, using the number of our FM3 as our ID number. The company's Mexican accountants did this for us and we just signed what they prepared. I was about twenty legal size pages annually. The FM3 was good for three years and renewable for two more after paying more fees. Leaving the country meant turning in the FM3 and certifying we were leaving no debts behind and no outstanding legal affairs (warrants, tickets or liens) before our household goods were released to customs. It was a real adventure and if any of our senators or congressmen went through it once they would have a different attitude toward Mexico.

The Mexican Government uses its vast military and police forces to keep its citizens intimidated and compliant. They never protest at their White House or government offices but do protest daily in front of the United States Embassy. The US embassy looks like a strongly reinforced fortress and during most protests the Mexican Military surround the block with their men standing shoulder to shoulder in full riot gear to protect the Embassy. These protests are never shown on US or Mexican TV. There is a large public park across the street where they do their protesting. Anything can cause a protest such as proposed law changes in California or Texas.

Please feel free to share this with everyone who thinks we are being hard on illegal immigrants.

The only way to pick up a strong cell signal is to walk out on the beach. Reception by the bluffs is sketchy.

The sarape that traitorous Bush should have worn on his kiss-ass speech to his best friend Vicente and all of the illegals last night!

Monday, May 15, 2006

That is Fronkinsteen


Just thought you would like to know who my mentor was. I interned with him for two years, when he was suddenly summond to Transylvania.

What Country Is This?

1. Only professionals or investors can immigrate to the country. No unskilled laborers will be allowed in. Investors must be able to invest at least 40,000 times the daily average wage. If they can't, they are not allowed in.

2. Immigrants may purchase property, but locations and availability will be limited. Ocean front property cannot be purchased by immigrants. It is exclusively for citizens born in the country.

3. Immigrants cannot vote nor can they be elected to any public office.

4. Immigrants cannot collect any type of government assistance.

5. Immigrants cannot protest the countries government, policies or president.

6. Immigrants cannot display a flag of a foreign country.

7. Immigrants who have illegally entered the country will be found and imprisoned.

Sound kind of harsh? Well, these are laws that are currently part of the Immigration Laws of...you guessed it...
Mexico!

This is also on display at the Surf Museum. I can think of a few married guys who at one time surfed that this may have belonged to.

Moon Phase