Saturday, May 31, 2008

Breaking Nudes

The Orange County Register is reporting that the State Park will be cracking down on nudes at San Onofre.

Friday, May 30, 2008

A Trip to the Beach on a Sunny Day

The teacher asked the children to draw a picture for the theme "A Trip to the Beach on a Sunny Day." The drawings would then be placed on the walls in the classroom for Open House, an evening when all the children bring their families to school to see their work displayed.

The teacher had a problem with this drawing by my niece, and did not put it up with the drawings by the other children.

For the school's Open House in two weeks, the whole family is going in T shirts with the drawing printed on them. Subtle, eh?


This is a public service to our readers. The warmer weather has forced this particularly aggressive variety of Western Diamondback Rattlesnake out of hibernation and on to the beach in search of prey. Unlike other normally docile serpents that tend to shy away unless provoked, these are known to persue anything (including humans) that may wander into the vicinty.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

3 Shark Attacks have San Onofre Area in Panic

By ALEXANDRA OLSON – 8 hours ago
SAN ONOFRE, Ca. (XP) — No one could even remember a shark attack along this stretch of Southern California coast popular with surfers and Hollywood's elite. Many of the large predators had been pulled from the ocean by fishermen. So when sharks attacked three surfers in less than a month, two fatally, it was unthinkable.

The latest attack came Saturday, when a shark chomped down on the arm of surfing enthusiast Bruce Rimes, who runs a surf shop in San Clemente.

Rimes and a handful of other surfers were out on dark, choppy waters when he felt something lift his board. He managed about five strokes before teeth sank into his arm. "Shark!" he screamed, wresting his arm back. Rimes made it to shore, escaping with a few gashes.

"There wasn't any time to panic," he said. "I thought: 'Don't want to die. Don't want to lose my arm.'"

Only later did the 49-year-old Florida native learn a local surfer had been killed by a shark at a neighboring beach the previous day. Less than a month before that, a visitor from San Francisco was killed while surfing another nearby beach.

Burgess' International Shark Attack File records an average of only forty-four fatal shark attacks around the world each year. This year, there has been at least twenty other recorded shark fatalities — among them a 66-year-old triathlete killed at Solana Beach, Calif.

After the first fatality, panicked officials strung lines of baited hooks offshore and slaughtered dozens of sharks, drawing international criticism. Authorities planned to meet Thursday to seek Burgess' advice.

Marine biologist Dr. Ralph, who runs the shark lab at California State University, Long Beach, said there is little officials can do beyond trying to keep people out of the water and studying why sharks have suddenly turned so aggressive. Hunts don't usually help, he said.

Dr. Ralph also said officials should keep the attacks in perspective.

"People have a much better chance of dying of food poisoning than being bitten by a shark," he said. "It's far more dangerous driving to the beach than it is getting in the water."

The International Shark File has found that attacks have been increasing over the past century, mostly because of the growing popularity of water sports like surfing.

After repeated appeals by environmentalists and the SOSC BOD, officials have promised to post large warning signs on beaches where sharks have attacked — a dreaded prospect for some in the surfing business.

BK was interviewed while giving surfing lessons to a couple from Texas — the only two people in the water at Old Man's and his first clients since the attacks. He usually teaches three groups a week.

Lisa Rabon, of Walnut Springs, Texas, said she and her husband came to celebrate her 50th birthday and fulfill her lifelong dream of learning to surf. She didn't learn of the attacks until after arriving and said she has seen hardly anyone else in the water.

There Is No Point

This is not a point break because there is no Point so what is the point of showing this beautiful wave from last Novemeber at the Point?

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Beach Blanket Burgers

Yep, Burger King has hired a production company to seek out "old surfers" to be in a 60's surfing commercial. They were at San-O in force this past Saturday searching for "older types" that surf. They were even doing on-site mini screen tests, both stills and video talkies. They hit me up at Four Doors but I had to turn them down as I am a strict "Vegan", but I did manage to steer them towards Archie Rice and Shotzy Shaffer. Archie, in his usual foul, having been shoulder hopped mood, bluntly refused their request. He told the young female interviewer that he and Shotzy only do XXX rated porno. The young lady was aghast as she crooked an eye towards Archie's boardshorts and exclaimed "why yes I do remember you, you're that famous "Long Dong Silver". Shotzy, not to be left out, "try this cigar, you won't believe where it's been". The young fem fatale' was last seen heading south, looking for some guy named Tubesteak.


Schwarzenegger Supports The Toll Road

You can email Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger
to tell him you oppose the Toll Road going through San Onofre State Park.

Land Yacht's Overtake San Onofre

This particular land yacht was piloted by Captain Yappie, a rather self-obsessed, overbearing chap who is quite fond of all his accomplishments. He is very capable of discussing at length almost any subject you can think of. Evidently, Captain Yappie is a world traveler on both land and sea and is extremely pleased with himself. Unfortunately, he does suffer from R.A.D. or reverse attachment dissorder. This is a very rare abnormality causing the afflicted to attach oneself to anyone who will listen. Warning! This affliction has severe side effects to the listener by becoming bored to death.

Poll: Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters

Monday, May 26, 2008

Memorial Day

Life is eternal, and love is immortal,
and death is only a horizon;
and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.
~Rossiter Worthington Raymond

Friday, May 23, 2008

Hawaiian Luau This Weekend

The annual Hawaiian Surfing Club of San Onofre Luau may be in trouble this weekend due to weather. I know all of you were planning to attend.


Is this a repeat? At least it's a surfing picture for everyone clammoring for a return to San-O Daze's (Daze? The Daze? The Dazes?) surfing roots, as if.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

So What if They Line Up at 4 a.m.?

They're just a small group of men who enjoy looking at heavenly bodies. Is that so wrong Tubesteak?

Toll Road Update

The Los Angeles Times reports that the Department of Commerce will hold a public hearing on the Coastal Commission's rejection of the toll road through San Onofre. This is another positive step for those opposing the toll road. The TCA opposed a public hearing, asking the Department of Commerce to overturn the Coastal Commission’s decision without a public hearing.

Tubesteak Uncovers Cult at San Onofre

According to Tubesteak's Vblog, there is evidence of a cult congregating at 4 a.m. at the kiosk. He has personally spotted this group gazing skyward in some sort of a trance. "This is a nasty group and should be avoided at all costs", stated Mr. Steak. Authorities are investigating and advise that all visitors stay away until after sunrise, when the purported cult seems to vanish.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Archie Ditches Plane-DEA Skeptical

Our own Archie Rice risked death yesterday and ditched his cargo plane near the San Clemente Pier. Avoiding beachgoers, he landed the plane safely along the water's edge. The DEA is questioning his cargo manifest which stated his cargo was several crates of cupi dolls. Evidently, the cargo hold was empty but reeked of cannabis. The F.A.A. is also investigating the crash scene. Archie told reporters that his girlfriend, a Miss Shotzy Shaffer, fell asleep in his lap and her head prevented him from steering the plane properly.

Bee Kay's Grandkids Visit San-O

Where the hell were the rangers on Tuesday. These kids knocked off a 12-pack then passed out in the sand. Not one single ranger in sight nor was Bee Kay anywhere to be found.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

New Boardshorts Introduced by YuNoWho

A legendary surfer from The Point has just introduced a new line of summer boardshorts. The new surfwear line also boasts an array of red ball caps, red tank tops and rash guards, red silk sweat pants with matching sweatshirts and red leather sandals. Red walking shorts are also available for those extended treks down those dusty roads.

Surfwise Movie Update

I pondered, having been alone in the theatre, whether I was the only one who goes to see documentary films. My friends have told me that I might indeed be the only one still going to the theatre to see a movie. Everyone else, it seems, downloads them for free off the internet.

Surfwise, downloaded over 1.1 million times and counting, is currently the third most popular download, behind Iron Man and Forbidden Kingdom, according to

Monday, May 19, 2008

Tu La Nee Finally Exposed

My Dearest Murphy,
You were fantastic last night! Six times is a new record for you. Tell all those nasty boys at San-O Daze to leave you alone. That Dingo and Puttzle are sick little fiends. We both know you are a true legend and the best surfer at San Onofre. Hopefully I will be seeing you again tonight, you tiger.

Breathlessly Awaiting,
Tu La Nee

San-O Summer 2008

Enjoy the next 3-4 weeks. Summer vacation is almost here and the throngs & thongs will be upon us. The shiny new 40 foot motorhomes are arriving already and testing our patience. Costco and Sam's Club both have huge inventories of soft tops and cheap foam boards that are being snatched up as we speak. How about a security committee for this summer? Archie in the water, OB on the sand, Puttzle running speed control in the parking lot, Dingo issuing citations, BK on alcohol control and Tu La Nee on weather and surf reports. A few fake sharks in the water might help too. God, I'm getting depressed already.

Friday, May 16, 2008

. . . And I Had Some Difficulty Adjusting To Breast Feeding In Public

An Australian medical study shows that frequent masturbation reduces the risk of developing prostate cancer by 33%.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Spin Hails From The Real Surf City

I currently reside in the real Surf City, Huntington Beach, Ca. Now if this doesn't stir up a hornets nest, nothing ever will. Come on, I'm ready!!! Let me have it good!!!

San-O Metro Rail Opens to Cheers

They showed up in droves to make the first trip to San-O from downtown Riverside. As you can see, the maiden voyage was a complete success.

☞ A San Onofre Surf Club T Shirt on eBay ☜ SOLD or NOT SOLD?

Click on the small "SOLD OR NOT SOLD?" image to the left to find out.


Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Beware Spin!

Speaking of Puttzle's Tattoo, Spin, Ranger Dooright is on the lookout for you. He has been patrolling first thing in the morning and is asking questions. Use the stealth vehicle this weekend.

Garth Announcing San-O Wave Report

I just heard Garth Kemp on ABC7 news announcing wave conditions for San Onofre. He stated "beautiful weather at all beaches today, with 2 to 4 foot waves at San Onofre". This should bring a hoard of wave coolies to Old Man's. I just called Garth and asked him if he would recommend The Point at San Onofre on his next broadcast.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Sea More Productions Visits Archy

Sea Mores limo was parked next to Archys rig today, I wonder whats up their sleeve. Something BIG is in the works?

Surfing Icon Announces New Film

Clark Foam today announced that it will provide financial backing for a new epic surf film. Sea More Studios is the executive producer and general partner in this new venture. In an industry twist, 70% of the net profits will go to the cast and crew while 47% of the net will go to the partnership investors. The remaining 32% of the net will be kicked back to Clark Foam for their generous support. Sea More Studios is currently seeking local surfing greats to star in this new genre. Call the studio if you are interested in a staring roll or just want to invest in this rare opportunity.

Surfwise Movie

I'd read the running controversy about the Paskowitz movie on San-O Daze and Tubesteak’s Video Blog. The controversy got me interested. That is exactly what Tubesteak said the controversy was supposed to do. On Saturday I headed over to the local theatre for the 8 p.m. showing.

Am I the only one who goes to see documentary films?

Well, at least I got my choice of any seat in the house and no crowd means no disturbances.

Monday, May 12, 2008

San-O Ranger Ruins Mother's Day

What a pathetic little man!! Ranger Dougie DooRite terrorized the Mother's Day picnics at San-O this past Sunday. He was chewing out people for the smallest of infractions and then trying to escalate the problem with his taunts. One quote overheard was"either you're deaf or you think I stutter" was one line I heard while he berated a nice family. He busted my family for O'Douls bottles and an 8 foot leash on my dog. He was pissed that he found no alcohol as he checked each cup. This is a lonely, insecure, little man who pumps up his ego by challenging each and every person he encounters. He always makes the situation worse just by opening his mouth. He obviously suffers from an undersized penis and oversized ego. F.U. Doug

Sunday, May 11, 2008

In The Presence Of Greatness

I had the honor of finally meeting Mr. Terry Tubeteak Tracy this Saturday. He was all his legend said he would be and much more. Great music and great stories from a great man. I have been humbled!!

Saturday, May 10, 2008

El Camino del Rey

This post is not about Henry Ford, nor is it more shenanigans about B. K. It could be about Tubesteak and his name changing obsession, but it's not. It's not about clowns either, but at this years San O club Luau one of the many attractions features clowns, you know for the kids.

It is simply a video I took while on a walk about in Spain earlier this year.

Sadly, Not Everyone Had The Same Opinion Of International Respect for Chickens Day - May 4, 2008

I guess we can’t all be on the same page, but I have to give it up to the guy with his handmade sign in one hand and a bucket of chicken in the other (check the full view by clicking on the picture).

Friday, May 09, 2008


giant tadpole caught at san o. details to follow

Local Surfer Rescues Decendant of City's Founder From Well

San Clemente, CA (UPI) -- Local surfer Henry Ford rescued a two-year-old girl who spent 27 hours trapped in a deep well. The child, Erin Hanson Carlos Amezcua, great-great-great-great-granddaughter of the City's founder, Ole Hanson (1874-1940), was playing outside her house when she fell more than 40 feet down a man-made well in San Clemente, California.

Henry Ford, a retired lifeguard, excavated earth parallel to the well in order to tunnel through to the child, who had been heard crying earlier in the day. Erin's mother was kept away from the well because of fears that she would become emotional and upset the child, but Ford was constantly talking to Erin to keep her conscious, authorities said.

Hundreds of locals had gathered to watch the rescue operation, with many of them performing prayers for the girl's safety and brewing coffee for Ford, who refused to rest or sleep during the 27 hours ordeal. Local TV showed live pictures of crowds celebrating at the scene, and later at a spontaneous parade on Pico Avenue.

Oxygen was pumped to the young girl during the rescue operation and Henry Ford sent milk and Ho-hos, Erin's favorite treat, down to the child. The rescue effort had to proceed slowly amid fears that the excavation work could cause the well to collapse.

Children in Orange County frequently fall down wells that have been left carelessly uncovered. Earlier this year, a young boy was rescued from a well in nearby San Juan Capistrano.

A picture of Henry Ford surfing a number of years ago is included with this report. Mr. Ford is notoriously shy, and like the classic hero, he doesn't hang around the rescue scene looking for gratitude. Regrettably, calls to his phone were not returned in time to include his thoughts on this rescue or to provide a recent photo.


Thursday, May 08, 2008

Meet Doc

Meet Doc. He comes to Dog Patch early in the morning to walk for his health. He's full of all kinds of interesting stories. He really enjoys sharing his views of a strict diet (organic foods, no sugar, no added salt, minimal fat) and a daily exercise routine; for which he credits his long healthy life. He makes his own beachwear. I agree his beachwear is different, but he's actually a very nice guy.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Cambodian Deli Opens in San Clemente

I've always heard the rumors of their eating habits, now it is true. Any of you guys missing a Pekinese or Chihuahua?
I swear I've seen this dog at San-O.

Point Crew Bans Bottled Water

Bottled Water is for Pussies!! I've got nothing else to say, but you might want to ask Puttzle.


He shoots 'em, kills 'em, then eats the stomach contents.
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For Mr. Steak

I understand that one of the friends of San-O Daze is having some problems associated with bags under the eyes. I did a little research for you and and came up with a couple of sure-fire help aids. For instance, the gadget below, the Electronic Eyezone Massager.

Or these...

Now for some natural remedies:
  • Use pumpkin slices on your eyes and relax for ten minutes.
  • Place grated potato on the eyes. Thin slices of potato will also suffice. Potatoes contain an enzyme, catecholase, which is a natural human skin lightener.
  • Mash some ripe papaya and mix it with milk cream. Apply the paste under the eyes and unwind for 10-minutes. Peddar Road based dermatologist Dr Radha Chowgule endorses the use of milk. “Milk has exfoliating properties. Just dipping cotton in milk and placing it on the eyes helps as well.”
  • Whist drinking de-caffeinated, herbal tea is good; the opposite is true as far as application goes! After using caffeinated tea bags, chill them in the fridge and then place them under the eyes. The caffeine acts as a remedy for dark circles by treating the puffiness.
  • Prepare a paste with milk cream and honey. Apply it under the eyes and wash off after 10 minutes.
  • Mix tomato juice and a few drops of lime. Massage the under eye region lightly for few minutes.
  • Place cucumber slices on your eyelids and lie down for thirty-minutes. The slices tend to get warm soon, so have someone replace them after every few minutes.
  • Alternate hot and cold compresses under your eyes for 10-minutes are also a good remedy for dark cycles.
  • Apply some Vaseline on a metal spoon and chill it in the freezer for 10-minutes. Place it on the eyelids.
  • Mix a pinch of turmeric in some rose water and soak cotton balls in this solution. Squeeze them out and place them on the eyelids.

Thumb rule: None of these remedies work overnight. Be regular and patient!

Best of luck, Mr. Steak.

San-O Daze Man

A skull was found last year along San Onofre Creek. After almost a year of studying the skull, anthropologists have determined that it is the oldest fossil of a human to have ever walked the American Continent. It is older than both Peking Man and Wushan Man. Scientists have named him San-O Daze Man.

It is absolutely imperative that we protect, preserve and pass on this genetic heritage for man and every other living thing in as good a condition as we received it. ~~ David R. Brower

Why He's Always First In Line

Usually arriving at San-O by 4 a.m., it was finally discovered the reason for his obsessive pre-dawn beach inspections. Caught in the act, we now know what's behind his manic-like happiness and 24 hour marathon ukulele playing. What is he really hauling out of San-O in that Step Van of his??? Inquiring minds want to know.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Tubesteak Bares All to San-O Daze

It was further revealed today, by the man himself, that he suffers from a grotesque "Goiter" on his back, neck and jowls. If you have recently visited Mr. Steak's famous Vblog, you will have noticed that he is only exposing his forehead and the top of his head. We at San-O Daze share in his pain and embarassment and wish him only the best. You are in our prayers Steak.

You are such a disappointing pair . . .

"I prayed so hard for you. It saddens and hurts me that the two young boys whom I taught to believe in the Ten Commandments have come back to me as two thieves, with filthy mouths and bad attitudes."
~~ Sister Mary Stigmata

back in the day

Back in the day, we were into aloha and good vibrations, riding waves and living a raw existence, casting aside the theoretical constructs of our parents generation and doing it our way. check out ernies big grin, it says a lot! As a new contributer to sanodaze I'd like to move the conversation backward a few decades and get back to the roots. Hell, I was THERE!!!!!!!!

Moon Phase