Tuesday, January 31, 2006


These things are all the rage now. It seems that some of the containers of the grounded ship were full of these cute little well hung white moles. As the once great ship breaks apart in the surf, thousands of 'em have washed in from San Onofre to Oceanside.

Monday, January 30, 2006

CONTAINER SHIP CLOSES SAN ONOFRE!


San Onofre will be closed quite possibly for months! This container ship ground ashore at Old mans this morning during the highest tide of the year. Experts are very pessimistic about ever being able to salvage this. Just so you can gauge the size of this ship, the bow is at Dogpatch while the stern is at The Point.

This ones for you Puttz.

The state has put these new signs on every available vertical structure. However, 99% of dog owners agree that this implies everyones elses dog and not theirs!

Sunday, January 29, 2006


Murphy went fishing today and landed a big one!

As the highest tide of the year came in the Talegalites motor homes were caught in the line-up.

I don't think the "Hooters" girls agree! I know I don't agree.

Saturday, January 28, 2006


The water was sooo cold this morning that Penguins started showing up in the line-up at the SandBar.

Friday, January 27, 2006


Check out this giant snail that washed up down at the trails! Thats the Mayor going in for a closer inspection as you can tell by the red hat. Luckily this one is dead, but when alive these things can move like lightning and eat everything in their path.
On a golf tour in San Diego, Murphy drives his Lexus into a gas station in a remote part of the county. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. Buenos dias meester" says the attendant. Murphy nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. "What are those ? Asks the attendant. "They're called tees" replies Murphy. "What the F are they for?" inquires the attendant. "They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Murphy. "Ay Carumba ", says the attendant, "Lexus tinks of everyting!"

Thursday, January 26, 2006

INTERESTING BEER STATS

Stats > Food > Beer consumption
VIEW DATA:

Totals

Rank
Place
Amount (top to bottom)
#1
San Onofre
155 litres
#2
Germany
119 litres
#3
Austria
106 litres
#4
Belgium
98 litres
#5
Denmark
98 litres
#6
United Kingdom
97 litres
#7
Australia
89 litres
#8
United States
85 litres
#9
Netherlands
80 litres
#10
Finland
79 litres
#11
New Zealand
78 litres
#12
Canada
70 litres
#13
Switzerland
57 litres
#14
Norway
56 litres
#15
Sweden
56 litres
#16
Japan
55 litres
#17
France
41 litres
#18
Italy
29 litres
Weighted average:
80.4 litres
A surfer who had a little too much to drink is driving home from San Onofre one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A ranger pulls him over.
"So," says the ranger to the surfer, "where have ya been?" "Why, I've been at San Onofre of course," slurs the drunk surfer. "Well," says the ranger, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk surfer says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the ranger, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that when fishtailed out of the dirt road, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the surfer. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

Wednesday, January 25, 2006


The sandbar was really going off this morning!

Tuesday, January 24, 2006


Because of all this hot weather, the cyclists who use the bike trail at San Onofre, figured out a way to beat the heat.

With the Hot weather and lower than normal tides, the SandBar was used as a beach, at least until the tide came in.
Tired of trying to find a good place to hide your keys while you're surfing? Just stash them in this and leave it on your hood. Guaranteed to be there when you get back in!
Here is a new product that many in the pre-dawn patrol line up could use. Click here!

"Giant sausages are washing up at The Point". Or maybe "clean up after your dog". Someone help me out here!

Monday, January 23, 2006


I'm back on line again! Computer problems last week prevented any postings. Luckily my computer repair gal got things fixed.

Saturday, January 21, 2006


The Sandbar was going off this morning!

Friday, January 20, 2006


The air and the water was sooo cold this morning that schools of Alaskan King Salmon could be seen at the SandBar as the waves sucked-out over the shallow areas.

From The Mayors Office

I don't know how many of you knew Leo Holtz, he was 56 yrs old and surfed the Point. Monday morning after surfing The Point he was leaving SanO and heading toward Bazilone Rd. when he suffered a major heart attack and died. He drove a silver Honda Element and rode a Jacobs longboard, he also was a transplant from the South Bay. He will be missed! Our hearts go out to his family. He left us after doing what he loved best "SURFING"!

"HANG TEN LEO" Aloha and Mahalo!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006


This past weekends storm didn't bring us any rain to speak of. However, this waterspout came ashore at Dogpatch destroying everything in its path.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006


The pigboy of San Onofre.

1.20.2005. Here's hoping Friday brings surf equal to last year, minus the Talegalites, of course.

Monday, January 16, 2006


A massive sewage spill pours into the ocean at Poche Beach in San Clemente this morning after heavy rains inland yesterday. The spill is spreading north and south and is so thick they say the ordor coming from the spill has made hundreds of people puke from the stench!

This guy was walking his dog down in front of the power plant yesterday. Meanwhile, some kooks at the shack had one hell of a bonfire going with tires, pallets, diapers, old sofas, dozens of surfboards, and a Yugo. Lucky for us the smoke blew out to sea and is now wrecking havoc in Hawaii.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

The Mayors wife was worried, the Mayor had not come home from his regular Saturday golf game and should have been home hours ago. As the hours past she became more and more worried until about 8pm, then she hears the Mayors car pull up the driveway. When the Mayor enters she asked, are you OK? The Mayor tells her, no Gus died on the 3rd fairway. She replys, thats terrible! The Mayor reply's, Your telling me, after that it was, hit the ball drag Gus, hit the ball drag Gus!
The Mayor being old, lived in a nursing home. One day he walks into the nurses office and informs nurse Jones that his penis has died. Nurse Jones knowing that the Mayor is old and forgetful decides to play along and says, "I'm so sorry to hear that"!

Two days later the Mayor is walking up and down the halls at the nursing home with his penis hanging out of his pants. Nurse Jones sees him and says, Mayor I thought you said your penis died, The Mayor answers, it did! Today is the viewing.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

The Mayor was on vacation in Ireland and decided to go golfing. He came to the par 3 13th hole and hit a perfect tee shot for a hole- in- one, with that a leprechaun jumps out of a tree and says, "I'm the lucky leprechaun of the 13th hole and I grant you any wish"! The Mayor thinks for a moment and says "could you make my weenie a bit bigger"? Well by the time he reached the 14th tee it was hanging below his shorts. He continued to the 15th tee and by then it was dragging on the ground. By the time he made it to the 18th he could hardly make it to the tee. The Mayor went straight to the pro shop and asked if there was a way to fix it. The pro said that the only way to fix it was to return to the 13th and ace the hole to see the leprechaun again. After purchasing 5 buckets of balls the Mayor returned and frantically began hitting ball after ball until he finally made a hole- in- one. Again the leprechaun offered any wish. The Mayor looks at the leprechaun and says, "can you make my legs alittle longer"?
Last night, Dingo, Puttzle and Murphy went to this fine "Gentlemen's Club". Dingo wanted to impress them, so he he pulls out a $10 bill, the dancer comes over to the table and Dingo licks the $10 and puts it on her ass. Not to be outdone, Puttzle pulls out a $50 bill, and licks it and puts it on the other cheek of her ass. Their attention turns to Murphy, he thinks to himself (what can I do to top that) what a dilemma! As he reaches for his wallet a thought comes over him, he pulls out his ATM card, swipes it down the crack of her ass, grabs the $60 and goes home.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the dirt road at San Onofre when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a dumpster. "My, what big eyes you have Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood. The wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the dirt road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time he is crouched behind some bamboo. "My, what big ears you have Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood. Again the wolf jumps up and runs away. Finally down at Dogpatch Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a fire ring. "My, what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf," taunts Little Red RidingHood. With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you get lost! I'm trying to take a shit!"

A new beverage showed up at the Boom Boom Room in Laguna, the boys say they love it!

Well isn't this a fine thing, now ABBA is sing for them!

Well here it is! Another beautiful day at SanO and this is what we have, NO SURF! We might as well practice for the Baja 1000 down the dirt road towards Old Mans.
A talegalite in his giant SUV runs the stop sign at the kiosk to San Onofre and gets pulled over by a park ranger. Harding says, "License and registration, please." Talegalite says, "What for?" Harding says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." Talegalite says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." Harding says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please." Talegalite says, "What's the difference?" Harding says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop. License and registration, PLEASE!" Talegalite says, "If you can show me the difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration." Harding says, "Exit your vehicle, sir." At this point, the ranger takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving shit out of the talegalite and says: "DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP OR JUST SLOW DOWN?"

Thursday, January 12, 2006


The SandBar was really going off this morning.

DON'T READ THIS IF YOUR UNDER 18, OK?

Two surfers were walking along the beach at San Onofre and bored to tears. The first surfer says: "Hey, I have an idea. Let's split up. You walk as far as you can that way down the beach, and I'll walk as far as I can the other way down the beach. We'll meet here tomorrow and tell each other what we did. The other surfer agreed and each man began walking in opposite directions down the beach.
The next day, they meet and the first surfer says "So... Tell me about your day!" The second surfer smiled and said: "Oh, I had a great one! I found a small little oasis on the other side of the nuclear plant with a pond and some cool grass and spent the day swimming and eating bananas from a tree! What happened to you?
His friend laughed and said: "You're never going to believe it!! I walked about five miles up the coast and came to these train trestles. I walked down the tracks about a mile and found this girl with the most incredible body I've ever seen tied to the rails! I untied her and carried her to some grass nearby and we spent all day and night having the most incredible sex I've ever had! This girl was amazing! We did everything together!"
The other surfer looked at his friend in amazement and asked him..."Everything?" "Everything!" he replied. "Did she suck your dick?" "Well... no... she didn't do that..." the surfer said with a sigh... "I couldn't find her head!"

Wednesday, January 11, 2006


Howz it, brah? This diver gives the hang loose sign as he frolics with a Great white shark off of Old mans yesterday. He was 27. Services pending.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Now showing in bathroom #4.

(Yes, click on it)

Somebody is clearly trying to send the state a message in #4. My advice is to not shake hands with anyone in that area until the problem is remedied.

The same old French alert levels work in the new era as well.

Porn is for everyone to enjoy.
One afternoon this guy drives down to San Onofre to surf and relax. On his way in a guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the dirt road gestures him to stop. Our guy rolls down the window. "How can I help you?"

"I am the red bastard of San Onofre, you got something to eat?"

With a smile on his face he hands one of his sandwiches to the red dressed guy and drives away. Not even five seconds later he comes across another guy. This time the guy is dressed fully in yellow, standing on the side and waving him to stop. A bit irritated our guy stops, cranks down the window. "What can I do for you?"

"I am the yellow bastard of San Onofre, you got something to drink?"

Hardly managing to smile this time he hands to the guy a can of soda and then stomps on the pedal and takes off again. In order to make it in the line up, he decides to go faster and not stop no matter what. To his frustration he sees another guy on the side of the road, dressed all in green making a hand signal to stop him. Not quite willing our guy decides to stop a last time.

He rolls his window down and yells to the guy, "I know I know, you're the green bastard of San Onofre. But just what the fuck do you want?" "Driver's license and registration please."

Monday, January 09, 2006

Rusty goes behind restroom #4 and sees this guy standing facing the wall. The guy has no arms. As Rusty's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak. Rusty finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Rusty to help him out. Being a kind soul, Rusty says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you." The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?" Rusty says, "OK." Then the man says, "Can you pull it out for me?" Rusty replies, "Uh, yeah, OK." Rusty pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and wreaks something awful. Then the guy asks Rusty to point it for him, and Rusty points for him. Rusty then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up. The guy tells Rusty, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it." Rusty says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your penis?" The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it."

The Alvera St. Surfing Club poses for a picture at the contest at Church this passed weekend. They were heard to say "They Were Going To Kick Some GRINGO Butts"!

With their garage sale rack set up, and the BBQ's ready, the familia Gomez is ready to party at the volleyball courts at Old Mans.

Not to be out done, the Juan San Capistrano familia parties hardy at the Point!

The Familia de Sanchez, all 37 of them, from guadalahara and illegally residing in Santa Ana, made an appearance at San Onofre this weekend. It seems the uncle Hector won some money on the "big spin" and promtly dumped it all into a jacked up truck. $10,000 in tires and rims alone not to mention the sound system which can be heard 5 miles away with the windows rolled. Right over the logs they went. Doing donuts all over the beach and nearly running over dozens of loose dogs. Out on the reef they went when the tide started coming in. You can see the results.

Saturday, January 07, 2006


The new Tourette's Research Institute has opened in Talega.

Father Pedifilo, came down to SanO this morning to bless all those who were riding the large surf.

Friday, January 06, 2006


While all you guys were mooching food from the fruits at the shack, I wandered down to Dogpatch and found this gal making an adjustment. I think there was sand in the gearbox.

After only a couple of hours of searching the reef at low tide, Food-A-Plenty was ready for the party at the shack.

Well this was sent to us yesterday, seems someone caught Mushburger hard at work.

Hot off the grill, dinner is served!

It seems there's always some sort of party going on at the shack. Yesterday was no exception. The West Hollywood Surfing Association held its annual surf contest and schnitzel eating contest. One look at the grill and I got the hell out of there!

Anyways, a man goes into a store and asks the clerk for some Polish Sausage.
The clerk looked at him and asked, "Are you Polish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says "Well, yes I am, but let me ask you something...If I asked you for Italian Sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?Or if I asked you for a Kosher Hot Dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish?Or, if I asked you for a Taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican?Would ya, huh? Would Ya?"
The clerk says, "Well, no."
"And if I asked you for some Irish Whiskey, would you ask me if I was Irish? What about Canadian Bacon, would you ask me if I was Canadian?"
"Well, I probably wouldn't."
With self-indignation, the guy says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish just because I asked for Polish Sausage?" The clerk replies, "Because you're at Home Depot."

Thursday, January 05, 2006


Here is a picture of the leader of the new surfing gang from Talega called the "ORANGE COUNTY HOPPERS". You can find the new style wetsuits on sale now at Talega Surf&Sport. Be sure and tell them, "TubeSteak sent me" and recieve a 5% discount on the matching chains
A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spend$15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at Beckers to buy a leash. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32," is the reply. "Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily. A little while later she goes down to San Onofre and asks Gate Guard Don the very same question. Don replies, "I'd guess about 29. "The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50. "Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops at the Rib Trader after surfing. She goes up to the bar to get a beer and asks the bartender this burning question. The bartender responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you! "While walking to her car she runs into BK and asks him the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 48 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra.Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are." They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel aroundvery slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and hegently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How old amI?" He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, "Lady, you are 50." Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell? "BK says, "Promise you won't get mad?" "I promise I won't." she says. "I was behind you at the bar in the Ribtrader!."

Wednesday, January 04, 2006


The following is a history lesson on the namesake of San Onofre. (Saint Onofre) Now I don't speak Mexican, as that is what it is written in, but I think I know what "bastardo" means. So, if you need help with the translation, here's what to do. Go down to that wall by Rite Aid. There you will see a number of illegal aliens drinking Budweiser. Say "habla ingles"? They will all say "si", which means they speak fluent english. Bring one home and have him translate, then call the boarder patrol. Let us know how it goes.


Este santo muy honrado en la actualidad por los cristianos coptos. Se cree fue hijo de un rey egipcio o abisinio y que vivi en el siglo IV. El demonio instiga a su padre para que lo pase por el fuego como prueba de si era hijo bastardo. Onofre sale ileso. Fue criado en un convento de la tebaida egipcia ( monjes que vivian en el desierto). Al crecer se aparta de l y vive como ermitao.
La leyenda cuenta que una columna de fuego lo acompa hasta la ermita. Se alimenta con d tiles y agua. Se viste con sus propios cabellos. Un ngel le llevaba pan y los domingos la Eucarista. Vivio de esta forma por 60 anos. La leyenda agrega que al morir los angeles le rindieron honores.

With the current elections for the SOSC board of directors in full swing, a last minute write-in candidate has taken the beach by storm! Here we see one of numerous vehicles proudly displaying their support. He certainly has my vote!

Tuesday, January 03, 2006


Someone sent us this picture, but would not say who it was, but he sure looks familiar.

The new World Trade Center sends a message to Terrorists.

Could this be the club member posing as Tubesteak???

I got that new x-ray vision attachment to my camera for Christmas. This fully clothed beauty was at the shack the other night.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Bob works hard at the nuclear plant and spends most afternoons and weekends surfing at San Onofre. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's in my surf club." When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know that you drink Budweiser." "No, honey, she surfs at the point. We share waves." A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Bob. "Hi Bobby," she says, "Want your usual table dance?" Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him. The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Bob!"
Bob's funeral is Saturday

It was sure good to see Tubesteak down at the beach for the New Years day dip.

From The Mayors Office

Well its time for all Americans to boycot the Pepsi Cola Corp. It seems they have come out with a new label that is patriotic with the Pledge of Allegiance on it, how ever they left out the words
"UNDER GOD"! When asked why they did this they said they did not want to offend anyone. Well lets not offend the Pepsi people by giving them any money that has the words "IN GOD WE TRUST" on it! This act by Pepsi is an insult to the "AMERICANS" who have fought and gave their lives so this great country of ours could enjoy the "FREEDOM" we still enjoy today. If they are so affraid of offending someone because of those words, THEY HAVE! They've offended the American People! And enough of this Happy Holidays crap, its "MERRY CHRISTMAS" and it always will be! If people are offended by things that are American, such as the words God, Christmas, and the English language thats to bad, go live somewhere else, this country doesn't need you! They come here to be free and thats fine, but don't try to make it something other than what it is, "AMERICA" is "AMERICA" if things here aren't to your liking "DON"T COME HERE"! If you come here "LOVE IT THE WAY IT IS" or leave it, its that simple.

Just trying to keep the sun up a little longer.

The Mayor standing on a giant tree stump that washed up at the Point from the storm last night.

Moon Phase