YIKES!!

Dinner for two, or three or four.

THE OFFICIAL T-SHIRT OF DONUT WORLD

THE WAR ESCALATES

Not to be deterred by the stand-up paddle guys (Sweepers), regular surfers have taken to riding 30 foot boards to even the score.

ST. PATRICKS DAY AT SAN ONOFRE

What would you do?

Let’s suppose you are a twenty-five-year-old Staff Sargent. in the United Stares Marine Corps.

You decided not to re-up and make a career of it. You have never been in combat, and have one year left to serve. So you volunteer for duty in Iraq.

Fast forward: You are there in Iraq on convoy patrol. You are in a town known not to be friendly to you, citizens or otherwise.

You are in the second vehicle of the convoy, the one behind you is all of a sudden blown sky high, there are parts of the vehicle falling all around you, all in the vehicle are lost.

Up ahead there is a car with Iraqi citizens in it, the road bomb was probably detonated by remote, so you holler, out of the car on the ground. Instead they exit the car and begin to run, you open fire killing all of them.

Up ahead there is a house, you are now taking fire, based on line of sight you determine it is where you are receiving fire from.

Now you have contacted command, your instructions are to go house to house. You approach the house, kick the door open and toss a frag in, you yell clear and enter.

All are dead, men, woman and children, there are no weapons found. You notice the back door is open, you pursue, it leads to yet another house. The same protocol is followed, with the same results.

You have done everything by the book, as you were trained to do.

And now you are on trail for murder. What would you have done?

San Clemente," Nut Case."

Three men accused of operating what police described as a sadomasochistic "dungeon" that included castrations have been sentenced to jail time. Richard Peter "Camper Rick" , his partner of 20 years Dingo, and the man they called their slave, Sydney Carton Esquire, pleaded guilty to felony castration and maiming. Superior Court Judge Dennis Winner said it was difficult to call the dungeon's willing patients "victims," but he said six castrations performed there were certainly a crime.

"I think this is a type of perversion that cannot be tolerated by society," Winner said during a sentencing hearing Monday.

In plea bargains, Camper Rick, 62, was sentenced to a year in prison, though he has served all but two weeks of that time.Sydney, 72, was sentenced to eight months in prison, and Dingo, 41, received four months. Sydney and Dingo have already served their sentences and will enter four and two months of house arrest, respectively, and three years of supervised probation.

In exchange for the pleas, the state dropped charges of misdemeanor practicing medicine without a license and conspiracy.

Prosecutors said the men ran a sadomasochistic "dungeon" fashioned from an enclosed carport in 2004 and 2005 at a house in a quiet neighborhood in San Clemente, Calif. Six men, some from as far away as South America, came to the home for castration, while others went seeking other types of body-modification surgery, prosecutors said.

Just do it.

Words Per Second

Don't let this happen to YOU!

In case you show any signs of this problem, contact DrRalph at once for a complete anal exam.

Beauty is only skin deep.

This looks great from any view.

Murphy is walking down the dirt road dragging two plastic garbage bags with him, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the beach. Noticing this, a Park Ranger stops him..."Sir, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag..." "Damn!" says Murphy..."I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!" Well, now, not so fast," says the Ranger. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?" "Oh, no", says Murphy. "You see, my camper backs up to the bushes and each time some kook comes and pees in the bushes it gets all over my camper! "So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: $20 or off it comes!" "Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the Ranger. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?" "Well," says Murphy, "not all of them pay."

Got Milk?

I had a dream last night.

Dr. Ralph was driving down the dirt road at San Onofre in a panic because he wanted to surf and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, He said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to church every service for the rest of my life and give up alcohol." Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Dr. Ralph looked up again and said "OK never mind. I found one."

It's your duty.

Recently going through the daily mail, I came across the dreaded SUMMONS for JURY DUTY.

I did not received this by registered mail, so how is it known for sure that in fact received it?
But I did, because I was sitting there looking at it in my hand.
I could just simply toss it in the trash with the rest of the junk mail, who would know? Instead I filled out the form and returned it. How many of you have been at this crossroad and what did you do?

As it turns out. I was picked from the jury pool and later dismissed by the prosecution.
Something I said, who knows.

BULL SHIT.

> LOS ANGELES LAKERS

NEW YORK, March 7, 2007 – Kobe Bryant of the Los Angeles Lakers has been suspended one game without pay for striking Minnesota Timberwolves guard Marko Jaric in the face, it was announced today by Stu Jackson, NBA Executive Vice President, Basketball Operations.

The incident occurred last night with 58.7 remaining in the fourth period of the Lakers 117-107 (2OT) loss to the Timberwolves at Target Center. Bryant will serve his suspension tonight when the Lakers play the Milwaukee Bucks at Bradley Center.