Thursday, January 29, 2009

MICHAEL MOORE-FAT BASTARD


Shotzys weight reduction theory in a nut-shell. ask yourself these questions:
Do you eat when you're not hungry?
Do you go on eating binges for no apparent reason?
Do you have feelings of guilt and remorse after overeating?
Do you give too much time and thought to food?
Do you look forward with pleasure and anticipation to the time when you can eat alone?
Do you plan these secret binges ahead of time?
Do you eat sensibly before others and make up for it alone?
Is your weight affecting the way you live your life?
Have you tried to diet for a week (or longer), only to fall short of your goal?
Do you resent others telling you to "use a little willpower" to stop overeating?
Despite evidence to the contrary, have you continued to assert that you can diet "on your own" whenever you wish?
Do you crave to eat at a definite time, day or night, other than mealtime?
Do you eat to escape from worries or trouble?
Have you ever been treated for obesity or a food-related condition?
Does your eating behavior make you or others unhappy?
Have you answered yes to three or more of these questions? If so, it is probable that you have or are well on your way to having a compulsive overeating problem. We have found that the way to arrest this progressive disease is to eat regularly like everyone else. After about six months of eating regularly like everyone else, you should be fine!

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Shotzy, you ain't right!

Anonymous said...

Anon' #1, you are correct. It indicates the old term, 'The Lights Are On But THere's Noboy Home'.
Shotzy just ain't home.

[2].

Fats Flannighan said...

Puttzle, you are the Board of Director, something needs to be done. Perhaps a steering committee is in order.

JACKPOT said...

You jealous bastards. My Michael gets more ass than a toilet seat.

honey pot said...

Jackpot, you bitch. He's my Michael not yours. Bug out.

Anonymous said...

That, JACKPOT, is because he is usually mistaken for a toilet!

Fat Bastard said...

Of course I'm not happy. Look at me, I'm a big fat slob. I've got bigger titties than you do. I've got more chins than a Chinese phonebook. I've not seen my willie in two years, which is long enough to declare it legally dead.

I can't stop eating. I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat. It's a vicious cycle. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's someone I'd like to get in touch with and forgive... myself.
[Farts]

mr. love said...

'Fat Bastard', I feel your pain, believe me.

Fat Bastard said...

First things first: WHERE'S YOUR SHITTER? I've got a turtle-head poking out.

I'm not kiddin'. I've got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey. Aww, it's SQUIDGY. Christ, I'm gettin' all emotional from it, ya know?

infomercial said...

A good colon cleanse can remove 25lbs of spackle or paste.

beach bully said...

Infomercial, I suffer from an impacted colon. What shall I do?

captain colon said...

BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS....

Moon Phase