Here is a close up of the actual signs that the state will be posting at Surf Beach for the foreseeable future.

Warnings flags have been posted from The Point clear down to DogPatch because of a rare showing of the Man-o-War Jellyfish at San Onofre.

More Jellyfish are spotted washing ashore at Old man's and the Point at San Onofre.

JELLY FISH WARNING ISSUED FOR SAN ONOFRE

SAN ONOFRE (AP) -State lifeguards are issuing a jellyfish advisory for Thursday and Friday. Officials recommend those allergic to the creatures and those who don't want to be stung to stay out of the water. The most commonly affected areas are expected to be Old mans and The Point areas of Surf Beach . Sting symptoms include stinging, burning, redness, swelling of lymph nodes. In cases of severe reactions, victims may have difficulty breathing and show signs of shock and cardiac arrest. The State Lifeguards advise those who are stung to flush the stung area out with lots of white vinegar and urine. Anyone having difficulty breathing, muscle cramps and spasms, or persistent pain should seek immediate medical attention. The jellyfish influx is expected to worsen on Saturday

Jellyfish wash ashore at San Onofre surfing beach stinging dozens of surfers.

This aerial photo of a Great White shark was taken this morning by a military surveillance helicopter just off Old Mans. The pilot estimated the sharks length at about 20 feet. He also said that there were numerous surfer's in the area.

OWNER ATTACKED BY DOG AT SAN ONOFRE

SAN ONOFRE, Calif. - In yet another dog attack at the beach, the owner of "Cuddles" was treated Sunday for wounds on her hands and arms Sunday after she was bitten by her 8-month-old pet at Surf Beach. The unidentified 36-year-old woman told park rangers that the dog bit her repeatedly after it was allowed to run free and defficate all over the beach. "She was attacked for no apparent reason," said animal control officer Ralph. The woman's husband was also bitten when he tried to stop the dog, but his injuries were less serious, rangers said. The dog, named "Cuddles", was picked up by the state's Animal Care and Services Department, said Hal Dairywimple. The woman told rangers she no longer wanted the dog. The attack is the latest in a flurry of beach dog attacks.

Murphy has a cousin in Paris named Montague who almost got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. After planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only two blocks away when his SUV ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:

"Monsieur, I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

The official drink of Talega.

WARNING!

This shot taken from the bluff above Old Mans clearly shows a Great White shark swimming within feet of some tourists at the low tide lagoon. Beachgoers are urged to stay out of the water until October when the summer Great White breeding season is over. Scientists say that breeding sharks have a much more voracious appetite then non-breeding sharks and are likely to attack anything and everything!

FATAL SHARK ATTACK AT SAN ONOFRE

SAN ONOFRE, Ca. Jun 25, 2005 A young person was killed Saturday in a shark attack at San Onofre Surf Beach, authorities said. "We have had a confirmed shark attack. The scene is still under investigation," said Hal Dairywimple, spokesman for State parks. Area beaches were closed to swimmers immediately afterward. Details of the attack and the victim's name were not immediately released. Dairywimple said authorities were trying to track down the victim's relatives. Murphy the Mayor of San Onofre, refused to comment. The attack came near the height of the summer tourist season in California. Crowds were drawn to the beaches Saturday by temperatures in the upper 80s and high surf. "There are a lot of people on the beach," said gate guard Don, front entrance supervisor at Surf Beach . He said the beach is filled to capacity at this time of year. "This happens very often ," he added. San Onofre had the largest number of documented shark attacks worldwide last year with 31.

RALPH MITRE OBITUARY

RALPH MITRE July 21, 1933 - June 20, 2005 Passed away June 20th 2005 while surfing at his favorite break, Old Man's at San Onofre. Born July 21st 1933 in Los Angeles. Ralph graduated from Mt. Carmel High School in 1950 and from Woodbury University in 1953, the same year he married the love of his life Margie. He joined his family business, A.C. Tire in Los Angeles, and worked there until his retirement in 1992. Ralph and Margie moved to San Pedro where they built a family home with the help of numerous friends and family. They spent the next 34 years raising their 4 children, entertaining and enjoying their friends. They retired to Dana Point, CA in 1996 enabling Ralph to be closer to his favorite surf spot. Ralph was an avid sportsman. At Mt. Carmel, he excelled in football, baseball, and basketball. At Woodbury Univ. he was an officer, belonged to Phi Sigma Nu Fraternity and was chosen All-American in baseball. Upon moving to San Pedro he discovered surfing and immediately fell in love with the sport. His love for hunting began with his dad when he was just a child and he continued to love the Arizona desert throughout his life. Ralphie especially loved hunting with his son-in-law Dale and the Doten Gang. He divided his time between hunting, surfing, skiing, fishing, and volunteering as a coach. Ralph will be dearly missed by all who knew him, especially his family: his loving wife of 52 years, Margie; son Mike (Martha), daughter Laurie (Dale) Saine; son Greg (Carmen), son Jeff (April); and his grand children, Shannon, Sean, Lauren, Gregory, Paul, Zachary, Noah, and Madelyne. Throughout his life, Ralph remained dedicated to his family, friends, and the Catholic Church. The viewing will be held on Thursday, June 23rd at 6:30pm with a rosary at 7:00pm. Funeral Mass will be held on Friday, June 24th at 11:00am. All services will be held at Saint Edward Church 33926 Calle La Primavera, Dana Point, CA 92629. In lieu of flowers, please send donations to the American Heart Association 1 800 242 8721. Published in the Orange County Register on 6/23/2005.

From The Mayors Office

As some of you already know we lost a good friend at Old Mans on Monday morning. Ralph Mitre Died from a heart attack while surfing. There will be a paddle out for him on Wednesday 6-29-05 I'll get back to you with the time, but it will be at SanO. Dingo also will try and post the news. Ralph, you will be missed. For those not sure who he was, he came in early and drove a Jeep (I think it was a CJ5) it was off white with Reddish Brown trim. As for me, my foot is better but not quite ready to surf on. I still have to get the strength back before I try, as I do not want to jump the gun and tear the tendon again. More later------maybe

New urinals at SanO will try and keep restrooms dryer.

The cliffs at trail 6 collapsed again today leaving this one piece standing.

WHERE HAS MURPHY BEEN?

Murphy entered a local pun contest, and sent in ten different puns hoping that at least one of them would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

THE HYPNOTIST

The San Onofre Surfing Club was looking for a way to increase attendance and participation at their regular beach meetings. One member suggested bringing in a hypnotist. The board of directors agreed, a famous hypnotist was hired, publicity distributed, and everyone was pleased. A few weeks later the beach meeting was packed, and the club members sat fascinated as the hypnotist withdrew a pocket watch. The hypnotist began chanting: "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch....."The members became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, lightgleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly the hypnotist's fingers slipped andthe watch fell on a rock and broke.."SHIT," said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the beach..

A new zero tolerance policy for any and all infractions will be strictly enforced by Team Dairywimple. Trained by the LAPD Rampart division, these no-nonsense rangers will be on bike and foot patrol from 6am to 10pm daily.

MURPHY USES NEW DIAGNOSTIC COMPUTER

One day at San Onofre , Murphy says to Puttzle , "My elbow hurts terribly. I guess I better see a doctor.""Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Puttzle replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the Talega drugstore. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars... a heck of a lot cheaper than a doctor."So Murphy collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore.He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample.He pours the sample into a funnel and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:You have golfer's elbow . Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Murphy began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, scraped some oil off the driveway and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Murphy hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. Your Lexus needs rings.
6. And If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

Look for Murphy and his new RV at the beach today. He will be in his usual spot, plus 10 spaces north and 10 spaces south.

THIS MORNING IN BATHROOM #2

Murphy went to San Onofre toilet building #2 and was barely sitting down when he heard a voice from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"Murphy's not the type to start a conversation in the men's restrooms at a the beach but, he answered, somewhat embarrassedly: "Doin Just Fine!"And the other guy says: "So what are you up too?"What kind of question is that? At that point, Murphy is thinking this is too bizarre so he says: "Uhhh I'm like you, just going surfing!"At this point he was just trying to get out as fast as he can when he hears another question. Can I come over to your place after while?Ok, this question is just wacky but he figured he could just be polite and end the conversation. Murphy tells him, "Well, I have company over so today is a bad day for me!"Then he hears the guy say nervously..."LISTEN!!! I'll have to call you back, there's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions.

RAT INVASION AT SAN ONOFRE!

The winter rains have sure brought out the rats at San Onofre. This picture was taken by the shack at "Old mans" just 30 seconds after the trap was set. Beachgoers are urged to use extreme caution as many of these rodents carry the plague and rabies.

New caddy spotted at the US Open.

New speed trap at Sano.

This Talegalite speeder is ready for the road to Dogpatch.

Ranger P's new PA system for yelling at the speeders.

Without a car Puttzle has to improvise everything, so why not go fishing.

From The Mayors Office

Hey everyone, Just heard from the Puttzman, he still hasn't gotten wet yet! He thinks he may get a car in 3 to 4 weeks so he can go surfing, as Grumpy is not into surfing just yet. He say's he misses everyone and to say Hi, so Hi! More later-------maybe

The Hawaiian Surf Club's 2 new entries for the Baja 1000 offroad race.

New speed trap at SanO catches Talegalite in his new Porche Cayanne on his way to DogPatch.

Puttzle won't allow himself to be Bullyed while shooting speeders.

Ranger Hal Dairywimple show's off the new Environmentally safe Ranger Motorcycle for patroling SanO for speeders.

The Points own Martin Tucker sitting in Board meeting of the "San Onofre School of Beauty"!

Paramedic's arrive at SanO after BicycleJim is attacked by a Stingray at the SandBar!

Road sign posted in front of Puttzles Hilo home.
(Puttz you lucky dog) No wonder you moved.

Mini Mayor takes aim at the hopper.

New paint at SanO Kiosk done by the Talegalites.

Rangers at SanO try new way to crack down on speeders.

US Marine diver was attacked by White shark while on maneuvers off San Onofre.

Grumpy's camper arrives in Hilo!

Talegalite speeder crashes into motor home on way to Old Mans!

The sign in Puttzles living room.

Dingo showing off his skill's.

The Dale Velzy Memorial Service had a very large turn-out, and the paddle-out(center&right) was awesome to see!

Ever wonder what goes on in the morning lineup while waiting for the gate to open? One of these "could" be the Mayor and the other "could" be Puttzle. Dingo would never participate in something so juvenile!

Mayor Makes Two Hole-In-Ones In Same Round Of Golf

SAN CLEMENTE, Ca. -- Murphy the Mayor was awfully happy to make a hole-in-one during a recent round of golf. So, moments later, he did it again. Murphy, 60, got the first one Tuesday on his third hole of the day, the par 3, 17th, as he played in a Beach MayorsTour event at Shrecliffs Golf Club in San Clemente. His second came on the par 3, 10th. The odds of making two aces in the same round are 67 million to one, according to the National Golf Foundation. "I hit it well, it faded a little right, bounced, then rolled and hit the pin. We all heard it, but I was not sure if it went in until I got to the green," Murphy said of the first hole-in-one. He used a pitching wedge from 120 yards. He used a four wood from 190 yards for the second ace. "It hit on the front of the green, rolled up, hit the pin and went in. We could not believe it," Murphy said. Murphy finished in fourth place. Murphy got the aces with the same ball. He said he didn't think about putting it away after the first. After almost losing it a couple of times, he had it in his pocket. "I don't think I'll use it again," he said.

Several whales washed up at San Onofre yesterday and San-O Daze cameras were there!

Puttzles new home goes up in Hawaii.

SanO rules say motor homes can not put out their awnings, but they say nothing about their Porta-Potties!

Mini Mayor loves to golf with the Mayor, except when its time to tee off.

Eat your heart out PUTTZ, I found the perfect fishing buddy.

From The Mayors Office

Well Dale Velzy's Memorial Services was a great success. Thousands showed up for the event and hundreds went into the water for the paddle out. Almost every surfing Legend was there that could make it. People I haven't seen in over 35 years were there too. It was good to see everyone there to Honor the Father of the Modern longboard. The paddle out was awsome, with everyone joining hands, then the chanting started, Velzy, Velzy Velzy it was thunderous, then a Red White and Blue WWII p51 Mustang warplane buzzed the crowd in the water several times in Honor of Velzy. I even got to paddle out because at 11am yesterday I got my cast removed from my foot, so I'm going to try getting back in the water Friday and even maybe try some golf tomorrow. And as for you UNT, we make fun of you because we miss you (for now) and if it real offends you we'll stop. (like hell we will) Dingo is behind it all, he has been ragging on you ever since you left. The surf has been marginal, with the typical June Gloom, but I don't care because I can go in the water again. See you all in the water, more later------maybe

This car belongs to the Talegalite that was feeding the Seagulls.

The Seagull nesting area has been found to be an SUV owned by a Talegalite.

DON'T LOOK UP! SEAGULLS A BIG PROBLEM AT SAN ONOFRE

The sky above the San Onofre comes alive with a swarm of ravenous seagulls, searching for shiny victims in the parking lot. "I went out there, and it was like a thing from The Birds", Murphy the mayor said, referring to the Alfred Hitchcock film. The state's Public Protection and Safety Committee asked Hal Dairywimple on Tuesday night to draft an ordinance forbidding the feeding of seagulls. Area surfers complained that thousands of seagulls are nesting in Kukai Canyon and are terrorizing surfers and cars alike with hails of feces. The situation is made worse when people feed the birds, they say. "People have been coming over there with 5-gallon pails, feeding the birds", said Murphy, "and the poop problem is quickly becoming a health concern". "I dont want to see somebody get sick over this," Murphy said. John Starwarz attempted to scare the birds away using a radio-controlled plastic peregrine falcon, but said he backed off once he realized the birds were nesting in the area. "Permanently removing the seagulls could be tricky", Dairywimple said. "They are a protected species and permits are needed to physically force them out". "But if the state eliminates the food source, he said, the birds may not be as connected to the area." .

Puttzle's new girl friend. She loves to help the homeless!

Puttzle has fallen on hard times. Grumpy kicked him out and he has not a dime to his name. This is the last known photo of him in downtown Hilo. Please give your generous donation the Mayor and you can trust that he will get every penny to the once great Unt Puttzle.

MASSIVE RED TIDE CLOSES SAN ONOFRE

Monday June 13, 2005 3:31 PM
SAN ONOFRE (AP) - An outbreak of toxic red tide algae that has shut down most fishing and surfing from Doheny to Trails and forced state officials to close federal waters, extending the affected area by thousands of square miles. On Friday, the state parks ordered everyone to stop using federal fishing and surfing areas and asked federal officials to extend that ban to out-of staters . The move extends the ban for state fishing and surfing from three miles from shore to 100 miles from shore. Toxins produced by the algae contaminate fish and the water, making it unsafe for people and animals to be in. It is the worst red tide along the California coast since 1872. California has declared a state of emergency, seeking federal disaster relief for the fishing and surfing industrys. Gov. Schwarzenegger said the red tide is costing the state about $3 million per week. The algae that causes red tide has yearly growth surges. This year, strong easterly and northeasterly wind has blown in a particularly heavy algae population that has flourished in warmer coastal water.

From The Mayors Office

Well today I go see the doctor about my foot. I'm dying to get back in the water and back on the links. Puttlze seems to be happy where he is and I hope he will get some waves to show us soon. I hear the locals are up in arms because he has been shooting pictures of speeders. The farmers with their ox-carts are really pissed along with the bicycle riders. He has been trying to form a new surf club called the "Talegalite Surfing Club, Hilo Chapter" he's been having meetings in his Little Grass Shack but the only ones to show are Pigs, Chickens and a stray dog from time to time (sounds like San Onofre chapter doesn't it). It seems Dingo has found a new hobby, but he won't say what it is and all I can tell you is there is a lot of new scuff marks on the dumpsters down at bathroom 4. More later------maybe

The Mayor went to the Doctor today to see about getting his cast removed. It sems they found a few other problems as you can see by this shot from a hidden camera.

MAN SEES SMALL TORNADO IN HAWAII

HAWAII– A man on the big island of Hawaii says he watched a small tornado rip through his backyard on Sunday afternoon. Puttzle Kamehameha was at home when the wind suddenly became very stormy. When he looked out his window, he saw swirling winds tear the roof off his woodshed. "It just picked the roof right off and took it right in the air and took it out here about a 150 feet and dropped it again," Puttzle said. "It landed right in the dooryard, right on the trunk of the car. It did a lot of damage to the car. Really we didn't have time to think of anything, it just come on right so quick." That was the only report of a tornado in the Hawaiian area, but many people witnessed the strong winds, stirred up by thunderstorms. They're still cleaning fallen trees, branches and scattered roofing shingles. There were no reports of anyone getting hurt.

THE PUTTZLE ESTATE