Wednesday, July 01, 2009

YOU SAY YOU WANT "WALT PHILLIPS"!


10 comments:

Mood Steak said...

No offense, but don't you miss the good old days?! I know I do! People are all so frigging uptight now, most of them are sporting those big offending sticks up their asses, and it really pisses me off.

I mean, back in the good old days, people were so much happier!

They didn't worry about every little thing, they just lived life to the fullest and they encouraged their kids to do the same.

people are so frigging uptight now, and would rather be miserable bastards and since misery loves company, they want their kids to be miserable little bastards, too.

Ugh.

Kids were much happier back in the good old days, probably because they were allowed to smoke candy cigarettes and play with real toys

Hey, we both know that nothing makes a kid happier than shooting at other kids with their barrel smoking, cylinder revolving, Bullet Loading Fanner 50!!

It's no wonder kids are miserable today!!

You tell me, isn't a happy little bastard with a fake gun much less dangerous than a miserable little bastard with a real gun??

Exactly.

Yep, and back in the good old days, it was a good thing when a teacher spanked your kid

Unlike today, because when you hear about a teacher spanking a kid it's always some perverted, wannabe porn star doing it and despite what Van Halen tried to sell us on in the 80's, that is not a good thing for our children.

Ugh.

Oh, and back in the good old days, women weren't so vain, either, like the ones you see now

Hey, they were just happy to be able to feed their kids, they didn't have time to worry about what their hair looked like or if their tits were the right size or if their lips were "plump" enough!!

Do you see that sort of contentment in today's woman?

I think not!!

Hell, back in the good old days, it was probably hard to care about whether your tits were the right size when not just your favorite soda but even your favorite toothache medicine had an extra special "happiness inducing" ingredient added to it

Oh yeeeahhhh....

Coke and liquor were the instant cure for EVERYTHING back in the good old days!!

Not that they aren't today, but back then, your miserable bastard neighbors didn't look down on you for it because they were doing it, too!!

Ugh.

Not to mention that back in the good old days, if you happened to have a neighbor you absolutely hated, you could just accuse them of demonic possession or witchcraft and people would believe you

Ha!

That was practically a guarantee that you'd have a new neighbor in no time!!

Well, and back in the good old days, if that didn't pan out for you, there was always a good chance that the black plague would come along and kill them, their children and their annoying dog who always shit in your yard

Yep, those were definitely the good old days.

Gosh, I'd give anything to live back in the good old days!!

Especially right now, since my neighbor's dog, George, is back in my yard again for the 27th time this week.

Ugh.

Friggin' George.

I wish I had a barrel smoking, cylinder revolving, Bullet Loading Fanner 50 to shoot at him with.

Or even some of that toothache medicine from the good old days to help me feel better.

Maybe I should just go get some liquor, instead.

New York Steak said...

I think a lot of the people that are moving into the city don’t have a full understanding of what is being paved over or forgotten about. It’s a hard thing to swallow sometimes.

A lot has changed from a quarter-century ago or so, when our fair city was best known for graffiti-decorated subways, blasting boom boxes and the faint smell of urine rising from the summer pavement. There were no Tinsley Mortimers, no hedge-fund gods. No $1,000 pizzas or latte factories, no $50 million mansions or elliptical trainers at Equinox. Indeed, in 1975, the city’s government declared bankruptcy. “Ford to City: Drop Dead” blasted the Daily News, after the President refused to bail us out, and, two years later, it seemed like a serial murderer named Son of Sam was determined to deliver the sentence.

The rest of the country thought we were goners, collapsed in a sputter of crime, crack and fiscal disaster. There were landlords burning down their buildings—you couldn’t give ‘em away! Hookers hanging out on 83rd and Broadway—right near Zabar’s!

But you know what? We liked it.

The dog shit was piled so high in the streets you needed a mountain ax just to traverse the sidewalk—but we liked it. The buildings were so blackened by grime you could barely see them in the dark—but we liked it. The subways were so dangerous you felt you were descending into Hell—and we liked it, we loved it, hallelujah!

Anonymous said...

Mood % New York Steak, you fellas' are same schitt, different day every day' on Walt Phillips 15 minutes. Did you know Uncle Walt has a steel plate embedded in his skull? This is a happy surfing blog, all you two do is showcase your Gong Show act.

YES, I HEAR YOU said...

Mood Steak is your neighbor's dog Mysto George, if it is watch out.

Anonymous said...

Wheres the blog monitor when you really need him?

Fats Flannighan said...

THAT'S IT, OFFICIAL BOYCOTT, I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE.

Anonymous said...

ANON'#2, you don't need a blog moniter you need a trash can.

Anonymous said...

I guess we need murphy to start deleting again and save your butts!

Anonymous said...

I'M NOT SURE YOU KNOW THIS, CRAFTMAN NAMED A SCREWDRIVER IN HIS HONOR.

COMMENT DELETED said...

This comment has been deleted by a blog moderator.

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