Thursday, September 28, 2006

Murphy decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank. He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?" She replies, "I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when my cruise ship sank." "Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you." "Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree." "But, where did you get the tools?" "Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted like iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware." Murphy is stunned. "Let's row over to my place," she says. After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As Murphy looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, Murphy can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like a drink?" "No! No thank you," he blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice." "It's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, Murphy accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet." No longer questioning anything, Murphy goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism. "This woman is amazing," he muses. "What next?" When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for many months. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for?" She stares into his eyes. He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly and tears start to form in his eyes. "... don't tell me you've built a Golf Course."


bloosem gump said...

This story is longer than my attention span.

Please repost in 6 or less sentences.

Emily Post said...

Bloosem's right you know

Anonymous said...

David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex

10. A below par performance is considered damn good.

9. You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.

8. It's much easier to find the sweet spot.

7. Foursomes are encouraged.

6. You can still make money doing it as a senior.

5. Three times a day is possible.

4. Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.

3. If you live in Florida, you can do it almost everyday.

2. You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.

And the number one reason why golf is better than sex .......

1. If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it.

Anonymous said...

10. There's no foreplay before playing the hole.
9. You can piss in the hole after you've taken your balls out and your friends think it's funny.
8. You can play 18 holes and not feel like you're cheating on your wife.
7. You don't have to buy dinner and flowers before you play each hole.
6. Your don't get embarrassed about the size of your putter.
5. If you let your friend use your 9 iron they won't become attached and try to control your life.
4. You can whack the shit out of your balls at each hole and it doesn't hurt a bit.
3. You can putt from the rough and not be accused of homosexuality by your friends.
2. You can drink beer while counting your strokes during play at each hole.
1. If you get a hole in one your not obligated to sleep the night.

Big Bertha said...

Now we know for sure......Murphy is "Anonymous"!

you know who is no. 1 said...

Murphy was the second suspect on my list.

Dr. Ralph said...

Really, Anonymous.

Anonymous said...

Yes, really,
Doctor Ralph,
you crazy old coot.

Dr. Ralph said...

Thank you Anonymous.

Anonymous said...

You're killing me with kindness Doctor Ralph.
That didn't work in the 60s either.

murphy said...

I'm not annonymous, and I don't have a small putter!

puttzle said...

Of course you're not 'annonymous' because that is the feminine form.

Moon Phase