Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Pillsbury Dough Boy Released From Custurdy

The Pillsbury Dough Boy was briefly detained at police headquarters in San Clemente today and questioned about an attempted murder.

Police department spokesman Wesley Wilson revealed that a woman claimed to have been shot in a drive-by shooting in the Rib Trader's parking lot last night. Initial evidence caused the police to pick up and question the 76-year-old Pillsbury Dough Boy.

Harriet Piazza, who was going shopping at a market that shares the parking lot, noticed a parked car with a woman sitting in it, her eyes closed and hands behind her head, apparently sleeping. When Ms. Piazza came out a while later, she again saw the woman, her hands still behind her head but with her eyes open. The woman looked very strange, so she tapped on the window and said "Are you okay?"

The woman answered "I've been shot in the head, and I am holding my brains in."

Ms. Piazza ran into the Rib Trader, where a bar patron, Manny Thomas, called the paramedics. The paramedics had to break into the car because the door was locked and the woman afraid to move. When they got in, they found that the woman had bread dough on the back of her head and in her hands. It is this forensic evidence, processed by the San Clemente police department CSI unit, that lead to the questioning of the Pillsbury Dough Boy.

The Pillsbury Dough Boy was released after investigation at the scene by chief investigator Stanley Roth discovered a Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded, apparently from the heat in the car, making a loud explosion like that of a gunshot, and hit her in the head. When the victim reached back to find what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She passed out from fright at first, then attempted to hold her brains in.


Badda Boom said...

Shouldn't that be 'released from custurdy'?

Sydney Carton, Esq. said...

Right you are!

Moon Phase