Friday, February 13, 2009

EXCLUSIVE!

4 comments:

nip/tuck said...

Thank goodness she only has one boob! Two and she couldn't stand up straight.

Metaphor said...

Now I know whzt they mean by "THE MOTHER LOAD!!"

Oye! said...

Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"

Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"

"Osama Bin Laden," she says.

"Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock. .

"Well", she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."

Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."

...

"I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the shit out of him."

TA DA said...

Mr.Greenbaum, a middle aged man is sitting in a window seat on a plane jeading for Isreal. Just before take off , a huge Arab wearing a beautiful multicolored caftan walks down the ailse and sits beside him. A few minutes later the plane takes off. All is well for a while, but then Mr.Greenbaum realizes he must go to the lavoritory. That wouldn't be a problem, but he looks over and sees the Arab beside him sound asleep. Mr.Greenbaum, being a meek man, is afraid to disturb hin. So, he figures he'll hold it in until the Arab wakes up. As luck would have it, the Arab keeps snoring away, and Mr.Greenbaum is feeling increasingly more un-comfortable. After a bit, he starts to feel nauseous as well. But then "aaarrrggghhhh, he throws up all over the Arab and his beautiful garment. He thinks, oh, no now he's going to kill me and sits there in nervous apprehension waiting for the Arab to wake up.. Finally, the Arab wakes up and finds vomit all over himself. Mr.Greenbaum says to him, "Well, do you feel better now?"

Moon Phase